Curious minds want to know: Question 2

I am so glad that most of us can be professional about our endeavors and still find huge amounts of pleasure doing it.

I really do take pride in the fact that I treat all my friends with respect. I do not say things I don’t mean-if I say I think you are sexy, great, I mean it. And for the most part I have met some amazing people who treat me with the same respect. The fact is that I can almost find something amazing in every person. It is not a lie, no false accolades, it is simply the truth.

I will also say that 99% of the time each experience I have had has been amazing. Each journey is different in ways but similar in other ways. Maybe this is why being a Confidante is so perfect for me is the simple fact that I honestly believe I have the ability to fall into the moment in an honest and genuine way.

But, I have heard over and over –“oh your saying that because you think that is what I want to hear” type responses.


So, while I understand to some degree our world is fantasy – why is it so hard to believe that maybe some of us are really being honest with you because we have found something that is worth being honest about?

Do you guys really believe that we say things just because we think we are supposed to or it is our job to?


Is it okay for us to say nice things to you even if we mean it - or would your prefer not to hear them at all?

(I want to qualify my post: everything I say is not another way to marketing or self promote. I enjoy these forums and the camaraderie. I am just not an all about me type of person.)

There is an obvious financial incentive for ladies to say positive things about us even if they don't really believe them.

For any particular instance, it might be sincere and honest. It might be slightly exaggerated, within the bounds of normal customer relations. Or it might be completely insincere, just stroking our ego for continued business or a good review.

You may not go beyond the first or possibly second category, but some ladies do.

We have no way of getting inside a lady's head, and knowing for sure her honest reaction to us. All we can go by is our perception of reality and how close that is to what a lady says. The further it is from something we consider plausible, the more likely we think she's just saying something she doesn't believe to manipulate us. In which case, it may irritate us -- that she thinks we're so stupid or conceited we could be convinced she really believes that -- more than flatter us. And when we encounter that, it may make us more suspicious of all ladies.

The male ego is a fragile thing, difficult to handle well. An absence of compliments may be interpreted as disinterest, but too fulsome praise may be interpreted as disdain.

"I like your eyes" -- may be honest
"You're cute" -- OK, exaggeration, but within the boundaries of normal client relations, and I let it slide
"Come here, you handsome hunk of man" -- do you really think I'm egotistical enough to believe that?

"I enjoyed that" -- may be honest
"You're good at that" -- OK, possible exaggeration, but within the boundaries of normal client relations, and I let it slide
"You're the best" [at DATY, fucking, whatever] -- do you really think I'm egotistical enough to believe that?

So -- saying something nice is great. Just try to be reasonably honest in your compliments and be careful not to exaggerate. Not that you do, but some ladies . . . . And choose what to compliment. Saying something nice about my sense of humor or my smile is more believable than complimenting . . . other things.

I always believe them when they compliment me!

What is sad is there are exchanges between people while BCD and only your best friends can appreciate it if you mention it. Too many are quick to go negative if you mention any conversation between you and a lady, I guess they don't get BCD too often because 90% of my visits end up in some interesting conversations.

Now if I tell you "wow you are beautiful" I really mean it. :-)

Do you guys really believe that we say things just because we think we are supposed to or it is our job to? Originally Posted by SummerBella

Sometimes the compliments go over the top when we are acutely aware that our assets do not match them. I have also been sweet-talked by a provider that our relationship was more than business, so perhaps I am now jaded or just realistic.

But I do not think for most providers it is malicious lying. It is just good customer service.

Chevalier, you hit the nail on the head.

Chevalier, I appreciate the thought that goes into your responses. I do understand what you are saying.

While at that moment I may really believe in what I am saying-I can understand, after reading your thoughts, why some may think comments seem exaggerated. At that time and moment I never think I am exaggerating but maybe I have never taken into consideration that the other party may not see him/herself in that way.

Fatmanhobbyist - i do believe there is a fine line between being jaded and being realistic. I struggle with that a lot myself.

I am with Chevalier on this one.

Saying something is nice just be reasonable and truthful.

Now if I tell you "wow you are beautiful" I really mean it. :-) Originally Posted by SP Hunter

Well, we don't have the same financial incentive to exaggerate as the ladies do. Sometimes in the exuberance of the moment when our rational mind is on hold, we may get carried away . . . but we're sincere when we do.

For me the best compliment is asking me to return.
Like Chipper says in his signature, (although I think 350 is way too low at the moment) if you make me feel like you are happy I chose you, I will be back. Whether that is from the bcd or in talking before or after. I only go back if I think the provider truly enjoyed our time together.

i also love the wonderful respectful people i have meet in my time being a provider .i like to think that my friends believe me when i say that there a great kisser are handsome ...feeling that real connection makes me feel great and i would lie to my friends and wouldn't want them to lie to me..the experience is what its all about if you dont have the connection what good is it?

Like others, I am in agreement with Chevalier however I will go one step further and explain why I agree with Chev.

In what you posted SummerBella it is important to understand that some of us, like me, have run into providers that do nothing but lie on a consistent basis and do so very convincingly. Their actions goes to Chev’s point of there being a financial basis for such things since, in my experience, money was the providers sole motivation. For me, at least, it is now hard to accept those comments unless there is a history between the provider and me which allows for a certain level of trust coupled with my not having seen any propensity on the provider’s part to break the trust she may have with me.

I had things said to me like you wrote you say, as well as what are now obvious lies in how over the top those comments were, and I was told they meant it but I was called a liar when I would complement them when I had no motivation to lie. Yet, unlike you appear SummerBella, they were all about deception and control. In my case, I believed what I was told because I took them at their word since to do otherwise would mean that I was stupid… well, I was but THAT is fodder for another thread! To carry that thought forward, I was told much later how they had lied to me about all they said to me, all the while they were calling me every ugly thing anyone could think of. What is now funny about that experience is I was told how they never lied and were insulted that I thought they were lying but then they came forward and told me, "...oh yeah, everything I told you was a lie." Really? How about now? Is your telling me you lied to me a lie or....

I realize 95% of the providers are not like the ones I have in mind but from my perspective, if it is over the top, like Chev or FMH have mentioned then I won’t believe it and I won’t be coming back because I don’t tolerate lying which I will see a long ways off now with my greatly improved BS detector. Unlike what FMH wrote about the lie not being malicious but just good customer service… I don’t buy into that one. My thought is simple and direct: Don’t lie, period. If one does not have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all in BCD time. However, if you have something nice to say then say it while being truthful and sincere in doing so but have it be something within the bounds of reason such as what has been noted above in others posts.

The top idea I will impart is this which is meant for general consumption only:

Whatever you do, don’t lie about what you are telling someone because, eventually, you will be discovered.

I find it interesting that men can also be vulnerable to false words and those who are willing to say and do anything for a buck. I can appreciate the sensitivity to this. In similar but different ways I have probably been exposed to this in the non-provider world – others saying anything in hopes to get what they want from you…………..I guess I just thought in our world (or maybe I was hoping) we all know the reality of the situation and here lies the moment that we can just be honest with each other and not worry about the other person becoming too involved.

I honestly think some providers and hobbyist may just get caught up in the fantasy. Maybe there isn’t any ill intent and before you know words become meaningless and actions empty. Or maybe, just maybe that the few bad apples put a negative spin on things for those of us who have the ability to see and be more positive than negative.

I will be more conscious of what I say-I will make sure what I say is appropriate but I will still always endeavor to appreciate my friends and let them know. I realize that most of us are on our best behaviors when we meet – that is one thing I like so much about what I do. I will honestly say I will never complain about that part of this job. We get to indulge in the good things and not worry about the bad. Well, those of us to decide to keep it that way.

I find it interesting that men can also be vulnerable to false words and those who are willing to say and do anything for a buck. Originally Posted by SummerBella

More so when the lady is desirable. We will believe anything.

I find it interesting that men can also be vulnerable to false words and those who are willing to say and do anything for a buck. I can appreciate the sensitivity to this.... Originally Posted by SummerBella

Anybody and everybody is vulnerable at some point. When you see it and what you do when they are vunerable shows what kind of a person you are.

More so when the lady is desirable. We will believe anything. Originally Posted by FatManHobbyist

Or when we falsely believe that they are desirable due to the warped perception they present. Then reality is a real bitch when you see that person for what they really are.

There are a few things I will say to let you know I had (or am having) a good time... You can BET these things are sincere.

1) If I invite you back to see me again, I really did enjoy your company

2) If I tell you that you are a good kisser, I mean it! Trust me; I have kissed enough bad kissers to tell the difference.

3) If I say you are good at "insert activity here", you are. Again, I do know the difference.

Now, if I omit to say some of those things but still invite you back, it is because there is something within you that I find truly attractive and we connect on a different level. I *might* invite someone back that I am just a little "unsure" of as far as the first session goes just to see if it improves the next visit. But if it does not, I won't invite you back and will not see you again.

I enjoy the people I enjoy for some reason personal to me, just like you guys do. I KNOW you guys would not spend your hard earned money the second time on a lady whose company you did not enjoy the first time (unless it is for reason noted above).

I simply cannot reconcile the earnings vs. spending time with someone that I, for some reason, do not enjoy. NOT worth it!! Probably helps that I work outside the hobby and it is not my only source of income.