"G'day mate, Fosters Helpline here. What's the problem?"
"I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung onher bits by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!"
"Bummer!!!"
"Great advice! Thanks mate, bye."
- oral_dlites
- 02-18-2013, 04:51 PM
- tia travels
- 02-18-2013, 11:03 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH....ha..ha..ha.. ha!
- justin_pitt
- 02-18-2013, 11:17 PM
- justin_pitt
- 02-18-2013, 11:31 PM
- justin_pitt
- 02-18-2013, 11:48 PM
How to win some Fosters
Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me,"
Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."
______________________________ ______________________________ ________
Free beer
Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into Fosters!"
The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.
The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
______________________________ ______________________________ _______
Aussie mateship
An Aussie woman didn't come home one night.
When her man asked her the following day where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The bloke was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
The following week the man didn't come home one night.
The woman asked him where he'd been.
The man said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive when drunk.
The woman didn’t believe him so she rings his ten best mates.
Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.
Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me,"
Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."
______________________________ ______________________________ ________
Free beer
Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into Fosters!"
The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.
The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
______________________________ ______________________________ _______
Aussie mateship
An Aussie woman didn't come home one night.
When her man asked her the following day where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The bloke was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
The following week the man didn't come home one night.
The woman asked him where he'd been.
The man said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive when drunk.
The woman didn’t believe him so she rings his ten best mates.
Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.
- jbravo_123
- 02-21-2013, 09:19 AM
Aussie mateship
An Aussie woman didn't come home one night.
When her man asked her the following day where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The bloke was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
The following week the man didn't come home one night.
The woman asked him where he'd been.
The man said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive when drunk.
The woman didn’t believe him so she rings his ten best mates.
Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.
Originally Posted by justin_pitt
- FishGuy13
- 01-26-2015, 11:12 PM
Beer