1.- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER ever check
to see if it's really dead.
2.- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3.- Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4.- If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief
in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them,
so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5.- When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6.- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7.- Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8.- If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9.- If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just GET THE HELL OUT!
10.- Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11.- If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around, GET THE HELL OUT!
12.- Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
13.- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,
despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14.- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15.- Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if
you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the
Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16.- If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is
strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17.- Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
deceased companions.
18 - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time
to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had
previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible
fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
19 - If something is glowing that doesn't normally glow GET THE HELL
OUT!
20 - If your house walls start forming screaming and agonizing faces, or
start moving in on you GET THE HELL OUT!
21. If you see anyone who has a chainsaw where his arm should be and is
making terrible puns, flee at once. [If you can, call the _Xena_ set and
tell them the producer's escaped.]
22. [observation] Anybody you bury will be back romping around in ten
minutes; however, they will have decomposed considerably in that time.