Turning down a provider

It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I'll get a PM or e-mail from a provider who's responding either to an ISO or to a post I've made about something, suggesting that we get together. Usually, unfortunately, these messages are from women who, upon investigation, I'd prefer for one reason or another not to see -- usually, it's tattoos, fake breasts, or size. (Hey, if I'm going to pay for it, I'd rather pay someone who reason tells me I'd have no shot at in the real world.)

Maybe I'm too sensitive to the issue, having been turned down throughout my wish-it-had-been-misspent youth, but what's the easiest way to say, "Thanks, but no thanks"? I'd really prefer to not even come anywhere close to why I'm not interested -- even saying, "You're not my type," or something that conveys the same thing in more words, to me would constitute a rejection, and there's just no point in saying something to someone that might bring a shadow into an otherwise sunny day.

Thoughts?

It's nice that you are sensitive enough to be polite! I would at least answer her pm. I think it's a lot more appropriate to at least acknowledge her interest. I have pm'd a couple of times my interest in a client, usually one I had seen before. When I don't get at least a response, I think it's rude! It only takes a minute to respond to an email.

I answer all my pm's, even if the answer is a "no". It's the courteous thing to do.

How about telling her you've already made a commitment.

Or that you have found what you are looking for?

along with -

Thanks for the consideration.

etc.

I agree - no need to be cruel by what we say or choose not to say. My response is usually that I'm flattered by her interest, but at this point in my life have chosen to limit myself to the few wonderful ladies that are currently in my "inner circle" and have trusted me enough to be included in theirs. And leave it with that. If you want to leave a door open and say if anything changes you'll be the first to call her......but don't say it if you don't mean it. Honesty (even if the truth is edited a bit to reduce harm) is always the best path to take IMHO.

Ask for a discount.

damn right just might get a deep discount, because if she sends you a pm she's cruising for business, JR

I like the idea of the discount. But I just say, "Thanks so much, but I already have something set up with another provider. Thanks for the reply!" Simple, polite, and nobody gets angry.

Doesn't necessarily mean she is cruising for business...just picky about who she does business with!

I find the easiest way to say "Thanks but no thanks" is to simply say, "Thanks but no thanks." That's just me though. I'm a dick.

I find the easiest way to say "Thanks but no thanks" is to simply say, "Thanks but no thanks." That's just me though. I'm a dick. Originally Posted by johnnylongcaulking

Not a dick, just honest. I like that...guess I'm cruising for business...lol.

No providers ever PM me so I don't have this problem.

No providers ever PM me so I don't have this problem. Originally Posted by TomKat

There's always a first time, sweetie...

As long as you are nice, not overweight, horny, intelligent, confident, rich, and what else did I leave out???

Your friend always!

i've rec'd a few pvt msgs in my days. one not too long ago said "why havent we met??"
not even a hello or "hi, i'm so-and-so and have been reading your posts."
kind of reminds me of the strippers who plop down in your lap and immediately ask you "do you wanna a danece?" or "you gonna buy me a drink"
jumping straight to that question is one of my buzzkillers.


so, when i do get one and it's nicely worded, what do i do?

... I would at least answer her pm. ... I have pm'd a couple of times ... When I don't get at least a response, I think it's rude! It only takes a minute to respond to an email.
... It's the courteous thing to do. Originally Posted by HoustonMilfDebbie

it's not a matter of time or convenience. it has to do w/ courtesy.
dont assume they can or will respond. but welcome it if they do.

.... My response is usually that I'm flattered by her interest, but at this point in my life have chosen to limit myself to the few wonderful ladies that are currently in my "inner circle" and have trusted me enough to be included in theirs. And leave it with that. If you want to leave a door open and say if anything changes you'll be the first to call her......but don't say it if you don't mean it. Honesty (even if the truth is edited a bit to reduce harm) is always the best path to take IMHO. Originally Posted by cmorc

... But I just say, "Thanks so much, but I already have something set up with another provider. Thanks for the reply!" Simple, polite, and nobody gets angry. Originally Posted by bmoore

what's your batting average on that?? seriously!!
i've learned to never, and i mean NEVER, tell one provider you are thinking about going to or are planning to visit another provider!!!!!
unless she's coming over to join you two after the first shot, first 30 mins, first hour, whatever. :^)
she might feel embarassed, pissed, upset, jealous, determined to meet you, etc.
not necessarily what you want, esp if you dont want to add her to your gcho list.

a long-time friend of mine is a counselor for teens, families, couples, etc.
he told me something long ago that i've found very useful for when in a negotiation, argument or a resolution process.
keep your answers short and sweet and to the point.
tell them what you want or dont want, or are willing to do or not do. [you also say how you feel - the "I" statements. but feelings are not initially important in this sub-culture]
dont go into specifics about your answer.
you'll just give the person something to attack and use to whittle down your argument and get you to do what they want.

I find the easiest way to say "Thanks but no thanks" is to simply say, "Thanks but no thanks." That's just me though. I'm a dick. Originally Posted by johnnylongcaulking

so, like johnny, i keep it short and sweet. [no, not my dick!!! :^]
and if i am a wee bit interested, i wont burn my bridge to her.

How about telling her you've already made a commitment.
Or that you have found what you are looking for?
along with -
Thanks for the consideration.
etc. Originally Posted by ~Ze~

the last one, yes, the first two, no. based on the advice given to me long ago that i described above.

The best 'provider repellant' out there is the NO MONEY spray.

Hearing you say you have no money at any point in any conversation will send them running.

The best 'provider repellant' out there is the NO MONEY spray.

Hearing you say you have no money at any point in any conversation will send them running.

Originally Posted by Rambro Creed

You are correct. However, the OP built this query with the base assumption of posting in the ISO section.