Sugar Babies vs. Providers - one man's journey

So, like an idiot I spent the last 3 months on a focused quest to find a Sugar Baby. Why? Well, all the standard answers: more intimacy, lower volume, more relaxed, more personal, maybe more passionate. That was my goal. Now, my journey could be different than many others, but I will tell you about mine. Basically it has been 3 months that has completely drained me emotionally and financially. My personal opinion is that what I found was this: spoiled 20 year old brats who just want to take you shopping, serious drug addicts who just want $$ for a fix, women who just want to go to dinner and talk incessantly about nothing where you can't even get a word in edgewise, people whos photos were 20 year and 200lbs ago, and the seriously mentally ill. Now, that's my opinion and experience. Ok, ok, a couple of nice people that would be good friends in there too.
Now, on the other hand, I have had the delightful experience of spending some time with about 5 providers from ECCIE. I will say that each and every time I left happy, content, feeling good and positive, had a great (fantastic) sensual experience, and just left feeling good about life. I think of the provider experience as (in theory) being cold, but I have found just the opposite. I think that here is the deal: Yes, one can argue that the provider experience has a cold component to it: they want our money, we want their bodies. But here's the most important thing that I missed and is my lesson: when that door closes, and it's just the two of you in that room, all that BS about money and bodies is understood and it goes away, it just disappears and stays on the outside of that door. What is inside is a room with two people, both just trying to have a nice time acknowledging that we are all the same when that door closes. I have had more emotional intimacy and friendship and good open and honest communication with so called "providers" than I ever did even come close to with the sugar baby experience. When I need a friend and a companion and to spend time away from this crazy world and have a great wonderful, joy filled romp of passionate bliss I'm sticking with one of the fine and wonderful women I have had the good fortune of meeting on ECCIE. As an odd coincidence my horoscope today (which I read for entertainment only) said to take a broader view and that sometimes the things that make you happy are right in front of you. I agree. Thanks ladies - you bring joy and happiness and fun and frolic to our lives, and I for one greatly appreciate it! Peace.

THANKS FOR SHARING.

AND WHY IS THIS PHONE ON CAPS LOCK AGAIN?

sum guys do anythang for a cheep fuk

Hatty, that was a great post and very insightful perspective. I think you and I see eye to eye on a lot of things! And I would definitely love to meet you someday soon. As it so happens, I will be spending more time in central Arkansas in the near future...shortly after the new year.

So, like an idiot I spent the last 3 months on a focused quest to find a Sugar Baby. Why? Well, all the standard answers: more intimacy, lower volume, more relaxed, more personal, maybe more passionate. That was my goal. Now, my journey could be different than many others, but I will tell you about mine. Basically it has been 3 months that has completely drained me emotionally and financially. My personal opinion is that what I found was this: spoiled 20 year old brats who just want to take you shopping, serious drug addicts who just want $$ for a fix, women who just want to go to dinner and talk incessantly about nothing where you can't even get a word in edgewise, people whos photos were 20 year and 200lbs ago, and the seriously mentally ill. Now, that's my opinion and experience. Ok, ok, a couple of nice people that would be good friends in there too.
Now, on the other hand, I have had the delightful experience of spending some time with about 5 providers from ECCIE. I will say that each and every time I left happy, content, feeling good and positive, had a great (fantastic) sensual experience, and just left feeling good about life. I think of the provider experience as (in theory) being cold, but I have found just the opposite. I think that here is the deal: Yes, one can argue that the provider experience has a cold component to it: they want our money, we want their bodies. But here's the most important thing that I missed and is my lesson: when that door closes, and it's just the two of you in that room, all that BS about money and bodies is understood and it goes away, it just disappears and stays on the outside of that door. What is inside is a room with two people, both just trying to have a nice time acknowledging that we are all the same when that door closes. I have had more emotional intimacy and friendship and good open and honest communication with so called "providers" than I ever did even come close to with the sugar baby experience. When I need a friend and a companion and to spend time away from this crazy world and have a great wonderful, joy filled romp of passionate bliss I'm sticking with one of the fine and wonderful women I have had the good fortune of meeting on ECCIE. As an odd coincidence my horoscope today (which I read for entertainment only) said to take a broader view and that sometimes the things that make you happy are right in front of you. I agree. Thanks ladies - you bring joy and happiness and fun and frolic to our lives, and I for one greatly appreciate it! Peace. Originally Posted by Hatty242

You sir are an amazing client and top of the line gentlemen all the way around. I love spending time with you and exploring new levels of our sexuality together. Ladies do see him if you get the chance. Im waiting on my next turn lover. Xo Xo

What a great way to see it. I searched for months for a sugar daddy before coming to Eccie. There are too many "wanna be" sugar daddy and sugar babies out there. The hobby has really been so much more to me. Like you, when the door closes, I really have a wonderful time. All my problems melt away. With most clients, I get an opportunity to listen about their personal lives and really get to know the man attached to the dick. Those are my favorite clients, the ones who I get to know on a more personal level and I get to have a real relationship/connection with many of my regulars. I'm glad you found some ladies to take care of you, whether it was how you expected to or not. You seem like such a sweetheart.

For a while I thought I wanted a SB. But having met with some providers who are other dudes' SBs...nah. I can play exactly when I want to, and never have to worry about someone with a hand out. And though some people may think the provider/client relationship is cold, I disagree. You move past that transaction quickly and if you picked the right girl, you get what you wanted. No pretense. I find my interactions with the good providers to be some of the most honest interactions I have with anyone, period.

My 23 y/o daughter moved to Chicago six months ago.
She has never worked as an escort but she does do the fetish/ dominatrix scene.

She told me that she joined seeking arrangements like three weeks ago and have met some really nice gentlemen on there that took her shopping and out to diner.

She said some just want company, and she admitted that she did some heavy petting with others., but the men there want more than just an hour in and out, and they don't like the idea of money exchange, they want more of a connection I guess.

So I asked her what has she been getting out of these arrangements and she said it was her pleasure to just get out of the house and go shopping and enjoy fine dining with a respectable gentleman.
But that one gave her a amazon gift card for $250, Another bought her a good winter coat and a Kate Spade purse.. She said she spent the night with him and that he made her squirt.

I'm thinking, okay to much information there but what ever works for her.. to each their own.

When I first started here I told myself that if I found just a couple of ladies I clicked with that I would be happy keeping my circle very small. I found out I was lying to myself - I love the variety here. Add the fact that my safe hobby opportunities are limited and I don't push my luck, which means I really don't have the time I believe it takes to develop a SB relationship. That takes multiple meetings each month and I just normally can't do that. What has developed instead is a core group of about a half dozen ladies plus some travelers thrown into the mix at times. I consider that core group as regulars but I know I don't see any of them near often enough that they consider me a regular. Despite all that, I believe I have developed a "relationship" - fleeting though it may be - with several. They make me believe that anyway, which is sort of the point to this whole thing. At the very least, I am on good terms with them and they welcome my repeat visits and provide a good reference when I need one.

I missed your note TK!! So nice to hear from you! And yes, you featured prominently in my thoughts when I wrote that! Must get together in this new year!!!

Any lady is lucky to spend time with you

Hatty242 , thank you for sharing. It was a good post . Would love to meet you if you are ever in NWA or Im in LR !!!

So nice to read a thread that talks about the needs many of us desire.

The best dates of my life have been with either providers on Eccie or the now defunct Diamond International. Hope I can add Pink Doll House to the list in the future.

When the dating starts it so often seems like the real thing!

Sometimes the feelings are so powerful, it makes it hard to come back down to reality.

Sometimes the lady doesn't even realize the effect she causes . . .

Some dates are better than others, but ALL my Eccie dates would have to be classified as GREAT!!! and there is not one lady I have regretted dating.

Am also glad Sandy's daughter got to squirt!

I've done both, I do think there are vast differences in the SB and Provider role. The concept of a "sugar baby", and I was one for 7 years to the same man, was that this was more of a Geisha thing. You had more room for intimacy, more room to develop some feelings, more time to devote to each other. That's the idea. The reality was that once a month I would receive $XXXX.XX, also during the month he might want to go to dinner, have a night out, travel out of town on a weekend. It wasn't just a nightly phone call. We were friends, sometimes we were lovers. I provided companionship. He took care of my monthly financial worry so I could develop myself. I took classes, learned a language, joined a book club, started writing a novel, he took care of my bills and living expenses, I would take up an interest, he would invest in that. Every month a stock would be bought to enhance my net worth, and he would mentor me financially, he nurtured me. A good sugar daddy knows that it isn't about the money, it's about finding one person you connect with that you can enrich and enhance their future. Change them and their life course for the better. He did that. I have traveled and seen things I wouldn't have been able to see struggling with a 9-5 and I've learned things and taken classes on things that have vastly changed my perception of things. When he passed away my life felt lacking. I miss that sometimes. I didn't become a sugar baby to get rich, I became a sugar baby because I saw the value of an older financially secure gentleman teaching me more about life and how to have a full one and secure my future. What did he get out of that? Before he died I was able to have that conversation and this is what he relayed to me. His life felt lacking, he had no wife, no children and he wanted to leave something better in this world. He wanted to know he had made a difference to someone. Watching me learn to read latin and study and open my mind to the world, watching me blossom and learn to soak in the culture around me and seeing me experience these new things genuinely made him happy. Knowing he alone was the cause of that gave him pride. Knowing that I valued that and valued what he brought into my life. Finding the right SD/SB is a search, it doesn't happen over night and on the way you will find money hungry people claiming to be something they aren't with no understanding of the sugar concept or it's purpose. It happens all the time. It ruins the experience for those who are a sugar whatever for the right reasons but it also gives the knowledge to quickly weed out those individuals.

As a provider, it is more cut and dried, you get this set amount of time, unspoken rules apply and unspoken expectations apply. Ultimately it's a trade off for a short time period, one thing is traded for one thing. It's simple. There are no complications and there are clear boundaries. With a client I do not expect a 2 AM phone call just because you can't sleep and want to talk about your day with someone. I also do not feel like it's expected of me to sit on the phone with you when you have a bad day to listen to you talk, if you want to do that, I expect you to make an apt and pay me to sit and listen to you. Sure we may become friends, but it's a paid friendship and when the money dries up so does my availability. But that's how that works and it's clearly understood. I sat in the hospice with my SD, not because he was paying me, he had done that in ways I could never put a value on, I sat with him because our arrangement gave us more avenues to experience a human connection without placing a price tag on it. I don't experience that with escorting.

I love doing both and they both have their place and every provider knows which one she prefers. I don't know that I would ever go out on that emotional sugar baby limb again, I do know it would have to be a very special person to do so. There is so much more time dedicated and it really is so much more emotionally involved than escorting when it's with the right person.

Ciara, thank you for an intelligent and well written post.