A different slant on references

A comment in another thread made me think about references.

WHAT IF: because of competition for business.......someone provides a less than stellar reference, to keep another provider from seeing the hobbyist?

How can the new provider fight that? If you need a reference to see me and you're told I'm a problem....I don't get to see you, and we both lose out.

How can I as a hobbyist fight that? If I need a reference to see you and someone gives less than true info about me....I don't get to see you, and we both lose out.

The potential winner? The person giving the bad reference, because the hobbyist likely will return to someone he's seen before, if turned down by a new provider........

I'm not saying this has happened to me, or to anyone......but a comment made in another thread about providers bashing another provider BCD made me think about this.....

I'm on board with the reason for references. Safety first for us all.

But, this made me wonder.............. guess I think too much sometimes.


elg....

Lol what's with all the reference conspiracy theory in all the threads lately? It's been popping up again and again lately. I must be missing something.

guess I think too much sometimes. Originally Posted by elghund

I think you are. I personally have never heard of this happening. First of all, most reputable ladies are very professional about references because that is the cornerstone that keeps the business safe. Even for the exceptional few who might not want to help out the competition, it would be enough just not to respond to the inquiry.

Elghund...I have a question for you...(although it's not directed at you per se) If you knew that your reference lady said something negative about you and it's not true....'why' would you want to return to 'her'????? You'd be rewarding her for lying?
She should have no holds on you as far as who you want to see. (IMHO) She would lose your returning to her for any future dates. She would be the one to lose. No win-win there.

That would be how a hobbyist should solve that issue. At least, if the shoe was on the other foot for me...that's how I would handle it.

Most ladies ask for more than one reference and hopefully they are recent. (within the past 6 mths) This way they have a good idea to a gentleman's pattern of behavior.
If she's a new provider....she'll learn pretty quick as far as who the ladies are that look out for one another in the sisterhood.

Yes...this is a competitive arena...but we're supposed to be adults and act accordingly.

Lol what's with all the reference conspiracy theory in all the threads lately? It's been popping up again and again lately. I must be missing something. Originally Posted by wlhrgfan

Conspiracy? What's this, a spy novel?

Read Nikki's comments about other providers giving her crap in private. What's to keep those same people from acting like a creep to a hobbyist?

Just askin'.......


elg.....


PS....Hanna, I agree with you. We are adults and should act as such.

BUT, when I see intelligent providers opt OUT of participating here because of the high school nonsense that goes on.......well, I think the question is legitimate.

I have had this happen to me many times , where a provider well won't answer , or email me or a guy back and say she won't vouch for him !!!! I guess a p411 works also posting a few reviews and having a active /page on awhile on fb helps seeing you are good 2 go XOX

ugh this really is a problem ...i have only had people not respond at all......but the providers that are serious about safety and realize your not always going to "shop at the same place" are the ones i take references from

Elghund...I have a question for you...(although it's not directed at you per se) If you knew that your reference lady said something negative about you and it's not true....'why' would you want to return to 'her'????? You'd be rewarding her for lying?
She should have no holds on you as far as who you want to see. (IMHO) She would lose your returning to her for any future dates. She would be the one to lose. No win-win there.

That would be how a hobbyist should solve that issue. At least, if the shoe was on the other foot for me...that's how I would handle it.

Most ladies ask for more than one reference and hopefully they are recent. (within the past 6 mths) This way they have a good idea to a gentleman's pattern of behavior.
If she's a new provider....she'll learn pretty quick as far as who the ladies are that look out for one another in the sisterhood.

Yes...this is a competitive arena...but we're supposed to be adults and act accordingly. Originally Posted by Hanna

This has never happened to me.

IF I was a provider...and used references.....I sure would not tell a hobbyist that "Suzi So/and/So" gave a bad reference.......that would seem to open the door to a PO'ed hobbyist giving the reference a whole buncha crap.......

I really feel for the providers.......this is such a delicate area of the hobby for both. After all, your safety and security means an enjoyable experience for me as a hobbyist.........and it took me a while to get this point, but now that I do.....well, now I don't get those who don't understand it........

That's why I believe in the participation of everyone here, and I get so upset when I hear of a provider wanting to leave.........we need to get to know each other so that we can get along, fer crissakes.....

Geez.....


elg....

From the bar game.

If a provider is into playing this game. She will talk to you also. And tell you all that is wrong with that other provider/s. Well I Know one you really do not want to see. She is next to you wispering in your ear alot of BS about the others. And then just how great she is.

And as in life. When talking to others about others. The one that can only find bad things to say about (all)others. Then only good things about self. Most of the time that is the one you want to get yourself away from.

salesmen/women
The good one knows the good and bad of the competition and there own product. And so can tell you why he/she thinks his/hers is better without bad mouthing the competition.

salesmen/women
The good one knows the good and bad of the competition and there own product. And so can tell you why he/she thinks his/hers is better without bad mouthing the competition. Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

My point exactly...the salesperson with the bad product can't talk about the quality of their product.......they can only bad mouth the competition.


elg.......

I don't think you or anyone else has to worry about it. Most providers make their own decision and use their own judgement no matter what anyone else says.

Summer I fully agree first and foremost Safety is #1 priority and providers that don't like to give references are in fact only hurting themselves as the hobby is in fact based on variety. Baskin Robbins 32 flavors I mean sure you have your favorites but sometimes you want to try something different it doesnt mean that you will never go back to your favorite. We shouldn't have to be in competion with one another but work together to keep each other safe!

Summer I fully agree first and foremost Safety is #1 priority and providers that don't like to give references are in fact only hurting themselves as the hobby is in fact based on variety. Baskin Robbins 32 flavors I mean sure you have your favorites but sometimes you want to try something different it doesnt mean that you will never go back to your favorite. We shouldn't have to be in competion with one another but work together to keep each other safe! Originally Posted by FantasyMystique

Well, the reality of it is we are in competition (just look and read all the escort ads). All businesses are in competition. I see it this way; there is healthy competition and unhealthy competition and unhealthy competition is the lies and back stabbing. Keeping each other safe is part of the healthy competition. Keeping each other safe keeps the whole community safe. Yes, there are providers who will not give references and that is a shame. Quite honestly, I'm more concerned with providers who have drug and alcohol problems and who escort for drug money. They usually have stds and take more chances. Like I said, a bad reference doesn't mean a provider won't see a guy. There are a lot of providers out there and some will see anyone.

My point exactly...the salesperson with the bad product can't talk about the quality of their product.......they can only bad mouth the competition.


elg....... Originally Posted by elghund

And Who in Rochester on this board is a bad provider? Not a one as I see it. Most I have not met other than board and PM. The few I have met I would want to see again but one. And I do not see that one as a bad provider.

You want to meet a Bad provider, Meet me for a drink, And I will show the the war zone. Where a few good providers came up from the ashes and will not go back. Here on ECCIE is almost risk free.

The only problem I ever had was some providers wouldn't return any calls to a new provider I wanted to see. It might be that they were to busy or just don't check e-mails but as a person looking to hobby I find this very agitating. For some one giving a bad reference I have had it happen before because of writing something negitive about the provider. Trying to fix it was a bitch, I had to just work through it with the new provider and explain what happen