This stimulus package is explained best in a question and answer format.
So here goes:
Q. What’s an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get the stimulus money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving us back our own money?
A. Only a tiny part of it.
Q. What do we do with the money?
A. The plan is for us to use the money to purchase things like a High-Def TV set and thereby stimulate the economy.
Q. But wouldn't that stimulate the economy in China?
A. Hush, smart ass.
Here are some helpful hints on how to spend your stimulus check wisely:
1, Spending stimulus money at Wal-Mart will actually send the money to Mexico, China, Korea or somewhere like that.
2. Spending it on gasoline will enrich the Middle East, not America.
3. If you buy a computer, the money will go to India, Taiwan or China .
4. If you purchase meat, fruit or vegetables the stimulus money will likely go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
5. If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If you’re into buying useless crap, it will go to Taiwan .
7. If you pay your credit cards off or buy stock, it will go into management bonuses and they will hide it offshore or spend it in the Bahamas.
Keep the money in America by doing some of the following things instead:
1) Spend some of it at yard sales
2) Go to ball games
3) Spend it on hookers
4) Buy and drink beer
5) Get some tattoos.
(The above are the only fully American-owned businesses still operating in the U.S. )
So, in conclusion:
Help America by taking a hooker you met at a yard sale to a ball game. Drink beer all day and top the evening off with a nice tattoo for both of you!
No thanks needed.
I'm just glad I could help.
