Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Just think how deep the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
How come you never hear of gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat
food?If you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Is it true that cannibals
don't eat clowns 
because they taste funny? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Isn't Disneyworld a people trap operated by a mouse?
If it's zero degrees outside today
and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me.
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
