being submissive ~ where to draw the line and how..

I love my hair pulled, ass smacked, call me a dirty slut, call me a dirty whore, i love the rough stuff, and i love to sub.
BUT
this one thing has been crawling all over my mind ; does 'fat whore' really consititute as dirty talk? Im not offended by this, i am chubby, but not offensively huge .... im also not turned on by this in fact i was really worked up til i heard this --- girls have you ever experienced this -- guys have you ever really had the balls to call a woman fat during sex?!?!

on the other hand i'd also love it if all y'all could share some new sub.. stories.. i love the idea of being submissive, i want some new ideassss!!

IMO , his comment is borderline scary. It went from a Sub / Dom thing into more of a degradation. When the provider is viewed degradingly the session could easily get out of hand.
On a side note , I have a couple of sub situations that come to mind.

Maybe it's the notion that you'll go crazy if you get angry--you know, like the bad joke where you're in doggie & a guy says, "I screwed yer sister last night!" or "Yer sister is a LOT better at this!" & supposedly the sensation of you squirming around trying to get away b/c you're so angry will give him the ride of his life. In all seriousness, maybe he got caught up in the moment too & wasn't trying to be really in-real-life mean (I mean, outside of the role-play. Or whatever. The role-playing thing confuses me & I don't do it. Insert obligatory Seinfeld "NOT that there's anything WRONG w/that!" here).

Forget about the comment GUYS I WANT TO GEAR YOUR SUB STORIES.... MAKE ME WANT TO TRY SOMETHING NEW :-)

First, this is a very good question and one that you really need to explore. And I wouldn't limit myself to this forum, either. I'm going to write you a small novel but others will chime in as well.

Second, I welcome you to post in Another Realm which is full of like-minded folks who are caring, and VERY naughty most of the time, that could offer more advice than I'm about to do.

Third, if you're interested in this as a lifestyle choice, start reading. Then check out fetlife.com which for now, really is a go-to place for people to share and learn.

I will try to add a reading list that will help you get started but there is plenty of stuff to read on the internet. I cannot emphasis this enough. You have to study this stuff. I did. And I studied for years before I did much of anything and I still made some pretty huge mistakes.

And sometimes, I still do!

As mentioned above, when I first started exploring this realm, I made quite a few mistakes. I went in with the attitude of being submissive and well, had a few bad experiences.

There is a big difference between a dominant man that cares and someone who is a bully. Sadly, a few of the men that I had in my earlier experiences were the "Suck my dick, bitch" types that well, wanted to have their cock sucked.

Sigh. Although that is a huge part of things, only sometimes, being jerked around, pulled, slapped because of meanness, and being called a fat whore is bullying, at least to me.

I've been called that during my submissive stage. And worse. But what is important is for you to establish BOUNDARIES before you even begin.

One, there is a difference between being with a wonderful Alpha male and he's taking charge, pulling hair, smacking you on the bottom and you're just having lusty and earthy fun. (Please God, have that happen to me today in Alabama!)

But there is a difference with someone who wants to spank you until you have tears in your eyes and are crying and someone who wants to tie you up, etc. THIS is when you need boundaries.

I don't do submissive play anymore. I was always borderline not knowing what I wanted anyway and when it came down to the line, I'm more of a dominate personality. Regardless, even I have boundaries from my end.

If you don't mind humiliation, then being called names is fine and part of the whole. But for me, I find day to day life to be humiliating enough and that, along with gagging, are two (often surprising stuff to others) hard limits.

I don't like the word "fat" although I certainly fit the bill well enough. But I'm sensitive to that word. If someone is in a role of being dominate to your submission ... then you have to tell them what bothers you.

Remember, YOUR submission to a man is a wonderful gift. And if he doesn't realize that, then you shouldn't see him in that capacity. Think about this again. YOUR submission is a beautiful gift and one that is a rarity to be offered. If you understand what you're giving to another, it won't be so hard to be firm with your personal limits.

You should AWAYS have a little talk beforehand, anyway. A truly dominate male, and they're more rare than you might think, will be aware that there are limits and being a man, he will be appreciative of you telling him what "works" for you.

There are always going to be "guys" that are jerks. When that happens, you need to let his verbal abuse roll off, if you can. But if he's crossed the line at being an absolute asshole, you don't have to take it. For the true men who are reading this, they're understand what I'm saying. The others will be smartasses about it.

In the end, YOU have to be in control of the time that you're with a man. This is something that so many escorts don't understand because most of us are such pleasers. We want our clients, and sexual friends, to be happy.

Sometimes, that doesn't work out that well. But if it's not working out for you, then say stop. Red. Whatever.

And also sadly, don't let yourself go completely, although I'm grossly guilty of doing that on a regular basis. But then I tend to see the same men a lot of the times. Always have in the back of your mind that situations like this can turn more quickly into something else more than a regular GFE type of appointment would.

Be aware. And be self aware. Know what you want and like. Take time to figure that out. And be safe, sane and consensual. Which means not letting someone tie you up on the first date. Or even the second. Or perhaps never (Elisabeth raises her hand!).

Books have been written about this subject and there is only so much that I can share. I'll come back to this topic and make some books suggestions but I highly suggest that you browse the topics from a year or so ago in Another Realm. This topic has been visited but with different parameters.

And good luck. I KNOW that feeling of just being taken. It's so damn hot and I wish that it happened more frequently. Chemistry is important for that.

But always think of yourself, first. Brmike made a good point. Some men and women are sadists and they like the hurt. Some women and men are true masochists and they get off on that type of verbiage.

I, however, do not and neither do you. So don't allow it.

Take care. There is one book about a professional submissive that I will try to find the title of. I have it in storage and cannot remember it but when I do, I'll post the title here.

Best,
Elisabeth

Found it. (That was quick!)

It's a fun and interesting read for ten bucks off of Amazon.com

The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive by Joan Kelly.

Forget about the comment GUYS I WANT TO GEAR YOUR SUB STORIES.... MAKE ME WANT TO TRY SOMETHING NEW :-) Originally Posted by miss amy

I'll leave my diatribe above but I must have mistaken what you were asking in your original topic. My apologies. It's a subject that I'm passionate about and went off in a different direction. Again, sorry!

I would suggest reading literotica.com if you like a variety of dirty stories.

Good luck!



P.S. Everyone was making comments while I was writing the above! Very interesting comments, though!!!

Well said, Whispering Liz.

Miss Amy, some folks get off on humiliation and degradation. The word 'fat' obviously pushed one of your buttons. (And we ALL have our buttons!) Communication is the key. Know your likes, dislikes, and boundaries, and declare them - and shame on the person that oversteps them.

Don't dwell on it too much. I'm thinking the guy just got caught up in the Kink of the moment. (Sounded kinda hot to me!) He wouldn't have been there in the first place if you didn't pique his interest.

So fuck on you dirty slut! lol

I had a woman tell me " give me 8 inches and make it hurt "
So I stuck it in twice and punched her in the face... Old I know.

Seriously, through numerous discussions with both men and women, dity talk and lead/submissive roles are sought after and fun. Many times it's a welcome role reversal from their outward daily lives. For example a female coworker that worked in a 99% male environment with me was considered untouchable and probably a man hating ,angry lesbian.
I've worked hard to try and not judge anyone. I went to see her new house after it was finished. I was the only guy from work to go.. A few glasses of wine and comfortable conversation she opened up. I won't say I was totally shocked but more pleasantly surprised by the way things were headed in our " outside work " bonding time and topics of discussion. I slipped in a ( swallow ) reference to something unrelated but subtle that someone who thinks like me would get. She replied " yeah sometimes ,but only if he pulls my hair and makes me like it". Needless to say she wasn't a man hater but she did have pent up feelings and neared spontaneous combustion on release. THAT was great to witness !

Sounds very hot. That was very thoughtful of you to go and see her new house. People like that type of consideration.

And what you did sounds very nice and also, well ... appropriate to the occasion. She must have enjoyed your company very much (wicked grin)!!!

(I always like hearing stories like this!)

Elisabeth

Okay I want to share my sub fantasy. BTW - This is a fantasy I've been desperately trying to make happen for a year now, and no one has been able to make it happen :'(

SO, here it is: I want to be the office slut.

God, I really do. I want to be the girl sitting at the front desk with her skirt a bit too high and her blouse a bit too low that you send out to get coffee every 10 fucking minutes because - goddam she looks nice walking away.

I want to be fucked by my boss. I want him to come up behind me and rub my shoulders just a bit too tenderly. I want to be spanked when you don't receive your fax on time. I want to be teased and tantalized all day just be nailed on your desk come COB.

I want to be given as a "thank you" for your best clients, and the best "refreshment" in the conference room. When you really want to secure a major contract, you send me to the buyers hotel room and let me give a compelling presentation. And what I'd do for bonuses.....lol ok, I need to stop. I'm ruining my dress.

But I really would love that, if I was actually employed part time as a secretary...and this secretary was controlled by the boss. That would kick ass...

You would probably enjoy watching "Secretary" with James Spader. It came out in 2002 and is kindof hot.

Okay I want to share my sub fantasy. BTW - This is a fantasy I've been desperately trying to make happen for a year now, and no one has been able to make it happen :'(

SO, here it is: I want to be the office slut.

God, I really do. I want to be the girl sitting at the front desk with her skirt a bit too high and her blouse a bit too low that you send out to get coffee every 10 fucking minutes because - goddam she looks nice walking away.

I want to be fucked by my boss. I want him to come up behind me and rub my shoulders just a bit too tenderly. I want to be spanked when you don't receive your fax on time. I want to be teased and tantalized all day just be nailed on your desk come COB.

I want to be given as a "thank you" for your best clients, and the best "refreshment" in the conference room. When you really want to secure a major contract, you send me to the buyers hotel room and let me give a compelling presentation. And what I'd do for bonuses.....lol ok, I need to stop. I'm ruining my dress.

But I really would love that, if I was actually employed part time as a secretary...and this secretary was controlled by the boss. That would kick ass... Originally Posted by DaniellaDViante

Gee I didn't know and I had the office all to my self today. lol

Awww, too bad Robe! and thanks for the movie reccomendation!

Awww, too bad Robe! Originally Posted by DaniellaDViante

It's ok I brought somebody in to play the part. lol