Utility Midget

As I was driving home down 435 during rush hour and texting with a provider, it occurred to me that it would be really cool if you could go into a store, say Best Buy, and pick up a utility midget. The UM unit could handle sending and receiving texts for you while you're driving, schedule meeting locations with providers and hold your drink without having to worry about getting your crotch prematurely damp.

It could also fetch lube and condoms during sex, so as not to break the flow of things, "hey, Lubie, grab the butter! You missed a spot!"

It could accept attachments: vacuuming accessories, lint brushes, vibrators with various speeds and head configurations, yard tools, cat toys, pez dispensers...

They could offer various designer outfits for it too. At night, you could put it in a teddy bear suit and let the kids use it as a bedtime friend. Or you could put a smurf outfit on it and use it for roleplaying with your favorite provider.

Actually, now that I think of it, I can't believe I've survived this long without a utility midget!

for real.. now that's funny..lol

I think they prefer to be called 'Utility Little People', like that's somehow less funny. So, Lizard, did you want the Luigi model or the Mario model?

Luigi would probably be the cool way to go. Everyone will have Mario. Luigi will be like the Apple version.

I think they prefer to be called 'Utility Little People', like that's somehow less funny. So, Lizard, did you want the Luigi model or the Mario model? Originally Posted by KCSmutMonkey

"Daddy, I want an Umpa lumpa, Get me one now!"

Ain't that what kids are for?

I think they prefer to be called 'Utility Little People Originally Posted by KCSmutMonkey

So funny!!

Well as long as your provider doesn't say that the UM's unit is larger than yours, everything will be ok.