The Joy of Psychological D/S

When I'm playing with a delicious little subbie, my preference isn't to inflict physical pain, or to tie her up. I'm much more into the psychological aspects of dominance and submission.

The kinds of scenes I love often involve public play, prolonged arousal (on her part) and obedience/reward scenarios. Also sexualization of nonsexual acts; with enough training, it is amazing to discover the types of triggers that can cause a woman to orgasm... or delay an orgasm.

It's all about making her realize that her gratification depends on pleasing me, often in a manner that pushes her slightly out of her comfort zone... and her realizing that she's perfectly safe.

For me, this is what D/S is about. Anyone else?

I totally agree in that I believe that all D/s has to take place inside the head. All the physical stuff are just props to help create a mood or vibe. Wearing leather and holding a whip does not make a domme.

That's one of the reasons this has to be so difficult to engineer a satisfying scene. Getting inside a brain and understanding what works has got to be so difficult. I think that may be one of the reasons people try to reduce the scene to a common denominator, ie bondage, cbt, flogging, etc. That's easy and uncomplicated. I can tie up a stranger. But getting inside the head? Man, that has got to take some time, energy and motivation. If a domme in the p4p doesn't even want to go there with a client, put a fork in the session. I couldn't be a dom to a stranger, I don't think. (I couldn't be a dom anyway, but that's another story.)

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

Topping someone you just met is very tough if you're wanting to do anything psychological. There was a delicious young lady who I met in the hobby who became a very enjoyable play partner. (outside the hobby) The first couple of scenes were fairly vanilla, as these things go, but over time I was able to find her triggers, and the sessions improved dramatically.

The time invested in getting inside her head was substantial, but the payoff was worth it. I think she would agree. (And no, I'm not going to disclose her name. Discretion is critical in this sort of situation.)

Sigh.

This reminds me of the movie Secretary. I find this inexplicably hot for some reason.

This my favorite way to play!

Too bad that the film Nine and One Half weeks was such crap because the book was very slow and deliberately showed a woman going from having great, earthy and aggressive intercourse with a virtual stranger to, having gone through certain steps over several weeks, just being in his sexual control.

Very methodical.

This is what I would relish finding in my personal life. Someone who could give me that wow factor and I would desire him completely.

But on the flip side, once you found that paradise, then you would be afraid of losing it. And once lost, the chances of finding someone that could match you on so many different levels (and have the experienced needed to go with it) would probably be nil.

And for many, it's that mental "out of control" feeling that one craves.

Great topic!
Elisabeth

Sigh.

This reminds me of the movie Secretary. I find this inexplicably hot for some reason. Originally Posted by Eliza

Yes, it was hot. And I just love James Spader. Perfect casting as well.

Elisabeth