Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny

Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.


What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.


What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!


What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.


What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.


What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Thanks for the smile.

How do you get a witch pregnant?



You fuck her.

An old lady was walking down the street when she saw the vice squad rounding up the girls in a brothel.

She asked one of the girls why are you in line for these policemen?

The provider replied "They are giving us free lollipops".

Ohh great I love those said the old lady, and she got at the end of the line.

A cop came by, and asked the old lady "Mam aren't you a bit old for this".

The old lady replied "as long as they keep making them, I'll keep sucking them"!

Why did God give ladies pubic hair?

So a man can floss after eating.

already lol.

So if Geronimo goes skydiving and jumps out of the airplane does he shout MMMMEEEEEE!!!!

" Hi Johnny, so glad you came to my show. What is your favorite thing at school " said Bozo.

" I like telling jokes to my friends " Johnny laughed.

" Tell us one " Bozo said to the crowd.

"Ok, why is your mom like an oven? " Johnny said with a smile.

" I don't know " said Bozo with a questioning look on his face.

" My Dad said, you have to warm her up before you stick the meat in " Johnny said with a shit eating grin.

"

Not a joke but it made me laugh:

A man suffered from premature ejaculation so he sought the advice of a doctor. The doctor told him when he feels like he is about to ejaculate to somehow startle himself. On his way home, the man thought about the doctor’s advice and bought a pistol. He went into the bedroom to find his wife naked and waiting. The next day the man returned to the doctor. The doctor asked how his advice worked. The man said “Not well. We were heavily involved in a 69 session and I felt the urge to ejaculate. I fired my pistol into the air then my wife shit on my face, bit my dick, and my neighbor came out of my closet butt naked with his hands in the air.”

Lmao! Yeah you're going to fit in just fine here!

A woman was staring at herself in a full length mirror she felt horrible she turns to her husband "baby I'm feeling fat ugly and disgusting gimme one compliment just one" the man turns, looks at her up and down and says "well ya got damn good eyesight"

Two queers walking down the street, come across a dog, licking his balls. One queer says to the other, "Don't you wish you could do that," the other queer says, "O HELL YEAH, But with my luck, that mangie son of a bitch would bite ME!"

I'm using this thread to see if something works: