Can a provider keep her occupation a secret?

I've known only a few providers who I know had SOs. One was one of the pioneer netscorts, and her husband was active in managing her career. Another was relatively UTR and provided with the knowledge, if not acquiescence, of her husband. A third, also relatively UTR, swore her fiancee and parents would never find out and successfully kept it from her SO for a while, but he eventually got suspicious, found out, told her parents, and called off their engagement. And I read a post on one of the boards once from a provider who said one of the most difficult things she'd ever done was discuss her activities with her father after he found out.

With guys, it's easy to find an hour or two here and there and keep the hobby from other people, but the provider, for whom a session is more frequent, anywhere from a few times a week to several times a day, faces a much more difficult task in hiding her activities from the SO, parents, roommates and friends.

So my question is this: Do you think the provider who wishes to keep what she does a secret from those close to her is doomed to fail eventually, or can she manage it successfully over the intermediate or long term? Is it a question of "when," not "if"?

I think a lot of the lades keep it a secret.

Always "When" . . . never "If" . . . wish it wasn't true for some very special women.

I think the when vs. if depends on how the lady manages her business. The more low key she is the more likely to have success ? The more aggressive maybe increases the chances of getting found out?

Does it matter? Its none of my business to begin with.

The priest at the other side of the confession booth knows. I am a frequent Church goer.

IMO, she could not keep it from a SO for long. However, she could keep it from friends and family if she has a day job. Meaning, it's real hard to explain an apartment, car, food and clothes if she does not have a day job.

They can obviously do it but why would they want to keep it from a boyfriend or spouse. If she was so afraid they would not want to accept this part of her life why would she want to be with them in the first place.

For the same reason the vast majority of us keep our activities from our SO...

So my question is this: Do you think the provider who wishes to keep what she does a secret from those close to her is doomed to fail eventually, or can she manage it successfully over the intermediate or long term? Is it a question of "when," not "if"? Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

I've seen several posts on ECCIE and other message boards by a provider has been outed and is either retiring or trying to go UTR as a result. And I can think of 2-3 I heard of through private channels having been outed by an angry (pick one: ex, neighbor, parent of a child's schoolmate, adversarial provider, other vindictive person) and sometimes asking for certain messages and/or images to be edited or deleted to help them disappear from said angry person.

And I don't really hobby that much, so my impression is that it's a high risk factor for a provider who has pics or phone numbers some jealous asshole might connect with the provider.

It's a matter of when. I kept it from my boyfriend for 9 months. Then he found out from accidentally glancing over my shoulder while I was browsing my email. :-(
When he asked me about the email sender and the title, my heart stopped! First he thought I was having an affair, so I just looked down and said I was so sorry and didn't say much. I couldn't! :'( After seeing how painful it was for him, a few hours later...I decided that I really loved him and wanted to come clean and told him everything. He was shocked and didn't know anything about this hobby world. To make a long story short, now we are stronger than ever. He doesn't judge me. He respects me like a woman, a human being....understand that this doesn't define who I am, and this is just an occupation...a means to an end.

Personally I dont date and wont untill I retire fully. But I do keep a day job and my family and friends from my day job are unaware of what I do have kept it a secret for years if you are low volume it is not that hard.

Always "When" . . . never "If" . . . Originally Posted by b2flyer51

Yup. That's why I told everyone what I did about 3.5 years ago. Telling them takes all the power away from people trying to blackmail (and boy do they try.)

You ladies with an occupation other than this are fortunate since I assume you're doing this b/c you like it, and certainly the xtra $ is nice, but it's probably 10fold the worry that I have keeping it from my SO as you all do.

Like LK says about blackmailers and such, I don't know how you do it and keep your wits.

But unfortunately, I think it's a wreck waiting to happen, just don't know when.

If she's really low key, and very low volume, and has another income source so she doesn't have to too many risks in this hobby, she can probably keep her secret.