It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise,
but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric
content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and
proprietary" research they are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... .....12 Calories
Without her consent..................2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands......................... 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth.......................48 5 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...................... 6 Calories
Without an erection...........3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.................... ............12 Calories
69 lying down..................... ......78 Calories
69 standing up.........................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow............... ...... ....216 Calories
Doggy Style......................... ....326 Calories
Italian chandelier.................... 2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.......................... ...112 Calories
Fake.......................... .......1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging....................... ...................18 Calories
Getting up immediately................... ...................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years......................... 36 Calories
30-39 years......................... 80 Calories
40-49 years.......................12 4 Calories
50-59 years....................1,972 Calories
60-69 years....................7,916 Calories
70 and over.......................... ..... A Miracle
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly........................ .............................. .......32 Calories
In a hurry......................... ........................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories