I'm going to tell it...

My personal goals only have me in the hobby for another two summers after this one. I will still be in my 20's, but with a degree, house and career. With that said, once I am established in the "real" world, I want to tell the people who matter the most to me about my 5 years as a provider.

My BFF already knows. He is a raging homosexual. I'm talking the type of gay who will wear a sparkly pink scarf around his neck simply because its Tuesday. When I finally told him this summer, he said to me, with a big ole smile on his face, "Bitch. I always knew you was a slut! You might as well get paid for it! So...steak dinner tonight on you?" Once I realied he was not mad at me, I just broke down and cried. He held me and said in a serious tone, "What you do behind closed doors with those you choose to be with is no ones business but your own. I just want you to be safe. I love you and nothing will ever, EVER change that."

His unconditional love for me has given me a new perspective on friendship. The fact he knows and loves me in spite of my secret life means more than I can put into words. My childhood friends that I still talk to and see on a very regular basis...well they are a different story. This circle of friends is sheltered and judgmental. I know if I was ever to tell them, even after I have long since stopped being a provider, they would chuck our 10-15 year friendship like yesterday's trash.

With that said, I am finding it harder and harder to be around them now. Because when I am with them, I'm not me. "Kara" does not embody who I am, but she is a defining part of me. I've had so many great experiences because of her and I am far from ashamed. Because I know these girls will dismiss me when I share with them my most intimate secret, I'm just so indifferent with even keeping touch with them anymore.

I can't change my feelings, and hell, I don't even want to. I'm bringing this to the community because I want to know if anyone else feels this way. I'm not ashamed of being in the hobby. I'm proud of where I've been, the things I've done and the people I've met. And as I get older, I realize that your true friends can only be counted on one hand. I'm ready to clean out. Am I being too hasty? Is this a decision I will regret? Any and all input is accepted.

Thanks for allowing me to be long-winded.

I love gay guys. Know a few myself and they are some of the most open minded people you'll ever meet. As for the rest.... F*$% them!

You will not regret dismissing those who will "throw" you away. They are not worth having hurt feelings over anyways. Just walk away from them, I promise you will feel better later.

Cheer up doll

I've been on the boards for a while, and I have to say, this is one of the best posts I've read. First of all, the fact that you have set definitive goals tells me you have your shit together. Your awareness of the conflicts between your "friends" and your participation in this hobby is insightful, to say the least, and I'm sure will be familiar to many readers.

Realizing that your hobby personality is only a small fragment of who you truly are is spot on. The problem arises when you feel your hobby persona is becoming more of your true self than who you actually are.

As to your question: whenever you decide to punch out your hobby clock for the last time, I'd keep this aspect of your life private. You know which of your friends would accept/reject the news. As your life progresses, though, you may find yourself wishing you hadn't thrown them away because of something like the hobby. You have no idea what a can of worms you may inadvertantly open, affecting family, work, etc.

For what it's worth....

tt

Omg. Let me first say way to go on being honest with your friend. It is hard to do. A few years ago in this business my family found out. I thought the reaction would be to put me in rehab for sex addiction. They actually were all ok with it. My mom says I'm a consultant. Truth is it is the closest to the real truth she can tell anyone. Congrates on the real friendship. The others sound like people with a chip so you can choose new friends and be true to you.

IMHO, there is no action w/o consequences. You just have to decide whether or not you're willing to suffer the consequences, and I do mean "suffer."

If you blow off your childhood friends because you think they're too judgmental, you may not be giving them a chance. Oh, I think it's quite likely that they'll judge you. But there may be one gem amongst them who will accept you as you are.

And if you do blow them off, you'll probably try and make new friends. Will you tell them? They don't know you. Are you willing to put your most raw emotions out there for strangers? I think you might do better with a known quantity like you childhood friends.

But you could decide to tell no one. This is the safest (and hardest) path. Even telling one person (like you already have) has numerous pitfalls. All it takes is having a falling out and one betrayal to ruin your life.

If it were me, I'd keep the secret. There was a thread about a year ago that had tips for hobbyists. One of the tips was to deny, deny, deny. No matter what your SO thinks, believes, suspects or even if she catches you red-handed. You deny. You do so because you're trying to preserve a relationship.

That's not too helpful, I know. It's just my .02 worth.

Well babe, I for one am glad that I'm in the hobby. I enjoy meeting new and different ladies. I hate to say this but society still hasn't accepted us. People still believe that if you sell your body then its prostitution. If we pay for sex then we're desperate or can't get a date. If I did tell my buddies what I pay, they'd tell me I was crazy to pay that. So to answer your question, I would tell only select friends.

I wouldn't tell too many people maybe a very close friend or family member if it makes you feel better , Friends come and go you don't need to tell them as you never know what they may say , if you have kids or plan too and live in the same area or meet a guy you never know if those same friends will tell the whole world which may harm your new career and everything you are building up .I have done movies , mags , I do bach parties and work in clubs but when this comes up I will deny it as it is no ones business what I do BCD .

Thank you all for your advice. I will be back in couple hours after I run my errands (gotta go buy more cold-resistent shit for my trip to Minnesota tomorrow!) with a more thoughful post.

Society's mores piss me off...ESP when it comes to my family and friends....

If I told my friends I sold dr*gs (which I do not, this is strictly hypothetical) to make money, they wouldnt like it. BUT, they would think even more negatively of me being a prostitute (which I am not. I am a non-sexual escort. once agian, hypothetical, here). Very sad, since I may be addictive, but I'm not deadly.

Or if I told them I sold my eggs to barren couples.

Or if I lived off the government.

None of this would be celebrated, but it would damn sure be accepted. Because I like where I am and what I do, it pisses me off to be in the same category as free-loaders and murderers. And before anyone says that's an irrational analogy:
Besides murder, what else could emotionally destroy a parent about their child more than prostitution?

I am almost exactly in the same situation Kara and I feel your pain. I have two best friends and I have only told one of them. My other well she is very judgemental and would never accept it which I think is crazy after some of the crazy sluty things we had done in the past. However, for me I have choosen not to tell her. My other best friend responded pretty much like yours, she takes me just the way I am.

I think it is important in life to know the people you are dealing with and deal with them accordingly. Not meaning that you have to ditch all your friends (unless they are truly people you REALLY do not want associate). Sometimes certain parts of your life is only for select people. I cherish the intimacy I have gained with the select couple of people in my personal life who know about "Bailey" and still love me the same. That is something special.

I commend you for bringing this out. You are so right what we do doesn't define who we are as people,. I am lucky the only ones who don't know what I do is my children,However, there are times I wonder if I should return to my other professional for several reasons 1) I get tired of the drama in this profession and BS 2) My own image of myself but than I realize i enjoy what I do and I am not ready and more importantly I don't want to to return to my other "respectable" profession...So know in your heart you are a good person and when the time comes you will know when it is time to move on. Hug your BFF and know you are not alone.

I do commend you ladies for balancing your lives. You ladies do have it tough.

First I applaud you for having your goals planned out...not many can say they have a definate plan. I know I was pretty clueless in my 20's. Second, I agree with Shorty and would only tell select friends. I think most of us know our friends good enough to figure out who we should tell and who we should not. Those select friends I have told that I play in the hobby, although very limited play, have not judged me and even a couple were somewhat envious. Those I know would have some sort of negative or judgemental reaction...well they are still friends, they just don't need to know that piece of my business. My 2 cents for what it's worth!

First I applaud you for having your goals planned out...not many can say they have a definate plan. I know I was pretty clueless in my 20's. Second, I agree with Shorty and would only tell select friends. I think most of us know our friends good enough to figure out who we should tell and who we should not. Those select friends I have told that I play in the hobby, although very limited play, have not judged me and even a couple were somewhat envious. Those I know would have some sort of negative or judgemental reaction...well they are still friends, they just don't need to know that piece of my business. My 2 cents for what it's worth! Originally Posted by stugots

This is outstanding advise. About half of the people I know have no idea that I am the parent of a gay son. For me, it's easier than arguing with them over right or wrong. I love him, I'm proud of him, and those emotions could cause me to make some poor decisions (fighting, telling off my boss etc). Sometimes you have to choose your battles.

first off it doesnt really matter what people think of you as long you like yourself and can live with what you do for a living.
You will find as you get older friends will come and go and you will be very lucky if you can count on one hand 4 or 5 true friends that will be by your side no matter what.
These are the people that will really matter in your life and you will be able to confide in them and they will always be there for you ; so if you tell someone what you do and they dont like it or respond badly to it they are forgetting who you are and just judging you because of peer pressure and these are not true friends.
You will find that most of these people that decide to judge you are some of the biggest snobs and back stabbers that are around so screw them.
follow your dreams and let nobody be your judge but yourself and the way you feel about yourself is all that is important.
You sound like you have your head screwed on right and you will go far in life for feeling the way you do.
as long as your in this hobby there will always be people that judge us for being escorts and clients but I guarantee some of us here on this site are more honorable and respectful to others than a lot of people outside of this hobby.
we all have open minds and most of us are not the first to cast a stone.
So I say more power to you Kara and may you have a wonderful life

Oh gosh..

I have no comment on this. Anyone who knows me knows my policy on telling the fam. I will say this though Kara.. I love your gay guy friend!

You are a smart girl. I am sure whatever decision you make will be a good one.

xoxo,
Naomi