But I thought…how can I return the gift that so many have given me? Is there even a way? And then I pondered how far I have come in a year. (I recommend everyone to set aside 30 minutes everyday to ponder).
Just a short year ago I was as a wet behind the ear newbie to the Austin fun times market. Look where I am now! I asked myself, can I impart any of that learned wisdom to others? Can I help fellow hobbiers better experience all the joys available to them?
And I decided to write a book. In chapters. Which will likely NOT be for sale at your local Barnes & Nobles on paperback. But you can print out copies to your bloody hearts content.
I hope some of the veterans will chime in with their experiences & advice as well so we can make this the bestest hobby in the world.
Lets get right to the point of this chapter, you want pussy…they want you to have it….its a simple economic exchange of service for currency. Nothing like a Saturday night of wild pussy.
TOYZ GUIDE TO BUDGET HOBBYING Now I’m not a cheap guy. I make a decent living & try to enjoy what I have. I don’t have S.L.’s bankroll so I have to put in some time to maximize my hobby dollar. But over time, I have found ways to stretch my hobby budget, get the most bang(s) for my buck, & generally have a good time. But in doing that, I had to learn some valuable lessons. Let me share a few tips with you, and hopefully you too will have as rewarding and enriching of an experience as I have had!
First, just to add a personal touch to the story, this is me before I started hobbying in Austin a year ago…
And this is me today…still looking good I must say!
Now, you will soon find that the expendable income you once had is not going quite as far as you would like it to. And you will also find that when you want to see one of your UTR girls that such trivial items like food, heating and cooling & clothing are not as important as you once thought. But don’t despair! There are options & I’m gonna teach you.
Here are a few ways to extend your income to offset that new spinner that just threw up her profile this afternoon and you just HAVE to taste this new flavor of the month. Remember this valuable tenent of hobbying.
FOOD, WHILE A NESSESITY, CAN BE A SERIOUS WASTE OF HOBBYING DOLLARS…
There are hundreds of ways to keep from wasting your money on food. Here are just a few.
Over time, your once nice wardrobe of silk ties & polo shirts will seem less important to keep up as well. That’s ok. I’ve found that a pair of Joe Boxers & a Hanes TShirt can be washed every other day & allow you to keep that valuable hobby money in your pocket.
EXPENSIVE LIQOUR
I once collected wine. Domestic, Imported. I'm partial to long cellared deep reds.
And had an affinity for better liquours…
However, this is (was) an expensive upkeep & a sheer waste of valuable hobbying money. However, we still need to catch a weekend buzz on occasion don’t we? Alas, in the Toyz guide to budget hobbying, we have thought of everything…for the meager investment of a cheap bag of HEB Rice, simple sugar & a glass of water you need not spend those non-hobbying Saturday nights in terrifying sobriety…
Mix the rice with ½ cup sugar, pour in the water, put on your porch in our Texas sun and VOILA!!! Within 30 days you will have a concoction that will not only knock you on your ass, but will allow you to conserve gas in your vehicle as well!
(Also works very well as a stump remover if you have trees you no longer need)
There are many more ways to salvage those irreplaceable hobby funds…Food, mostly a waste of money. Here are some very good options to maintain your hobby fetish.
#1…If you shop carefully at Randalls…you can stock up on ½ price markdowns! And although the long term damage might be devastating, it will be long after you can no longer maintain an erection anyway so why worry! I once lived on kidney beans and water for 30 days….saving an estimated 187.11. just shy of a 1 hour outcall!!! Now, I had to burn a shitload of candles & keep the ceiling fans cranked on ABSURD for that month, but the point is I almost paid for a session!
You will have to give up filets, lobster, rib eyes…but honestly, a good bowl of chili, crackers, an onion will fill you up just as much and set you back roughly $2 a meal! Bank the rest in your “Provider Hope Chest” and smile all the way to the incall!
Other somewhat valuable sustenance can be found in the slightly aging produce department. Did you know that two bottles of water and a banana can get you through a single day??? Yes you will be hungry, but you will not die. And every day of fasting saves on average (I’ve done the math) a MINIMUM of 24 dollars to add to your “I’ve gotta see my ATF” toteboard!
I personally like to give little gifts to my outcall girls. They are special to me. They come over, enjoy our time together, usually throw the clock away & we have a great time. I want to reward them for their loyalty & effort so try to give them each a little sumpthin sumthin. For my uber girls, I want to leave an impression (it was the Saturday before Easter-get with the program)
But, as funds dwindle, I’ve had to back off on the quality of the gifts…still nice, but not as luxurious
But women are women, and when the money just dries up like a pussy at the 61 minute mark, they will be happy with a simple gift like some old orville reddenbacher popcorn & half a bag of dried fruit….its the tought that counts…
SAFE HOBBYING
Toyz always promotes & condones safe hobbying (although DFK & BBBJ is a must). And with that safety comes a modicum of pleasure. When I first joined the quest for the best, I also wore the best.
Over time, the budget crunches & you are looking to find bargain activities…there are alternatives you can get that will save you valuable hooker pennies...
And worse case, if you are really in need of a fix, a box of saran wrap and mailing tape offers good protection, if somewhat diminished sensitivity….(duck tape is not recommended by Toyz as an alternative to a good packing tape)
Now there will come a time…at some point…when you’ve spent all your hobby money. At this time I am reminded of something my dear precious father told me before he passed…I remember it like it was yesterday. He was lying on his death bed, the family gathered and a bunch of old women in stretch pants and no bras crying (we had no idea who they were, but there were rumors),,,,he motioned me in and said in his dying breath,,,,”Toyz-son-always remember…Pussy will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no pussy”
I’ll cherish those sentiments until the day I die…
So, for those times when cash is gone…remember the pawn shop is close by. They can quickly get you back in the saddle at least temporarily. Use them early, use them often. I like to quote the immortal George Carlin during times when I feel bad about hocking my things for hooker cash. “If you had all the shit in the world, where would you put it?” So the hobby-blessed that it is-provides me opportunities to get rid of some of my shit.
Here are some things they will take for valuable provider financing.
Rolex Watch, Baum & Mercier antique gold & steel watch, Movado watch, Rado ceramic band watch….and what does it matter that the one is an heirloom & worth a small fortune? Its just shit, and shit doesn’t kiss very good These goodies (using good hobby skills) will finance at least 3 months of careful hobbying. Use it well.
Conversly, there are certain things they wont take. After a while you will run out of shit & will be wanting to pawn everything in the house, in your families house or in your neighbors house…for instance random old tennis shoes even if they are leather will not get you much provider funding. It might free up close space, but that will be a temporary concern as you soon won’t have enough money to buy any clothes anyway.
You will get little to nothing for cherished personal items (How DID she slip off the empire state building again)? Pawn shops are generally not interested in paying market rate for dead family members, so you are not going to get much help with your hobby budget possibilities.
Also, don’t try to sell your decades old concert TShirts…there is just no value to them in the pawn world…although on eBay you might be able to finance your condom stash for a few legendary concert TShirts.
You might wonder….
”Toyz I was wondering why do we do this”? “Why do we sell all our shit, starve ourselves, empty our piggy banks”?
Well. Here is why.
You want to spend your waking hobby hours with this
And this
Not this…who by the way she has the ORIGINAL 001 Still Looking TShirt!!
There are other ways to further your hobby budget. Some of these require knowing friends in important places. How many times have you been with your ATF & the session is winding down? You are at the 57 minute mark and still haven’t claimed that nut. You want her to stay around and finish, maybe even hang out & talk a while. (Surprisingly my #1, #2 & #3 girls are incredible conversationalists & rival spending time with anyone in the vanilla world). So, you want them longer, but they have that internal hooker clock telling them “pay for an hour get an hour”. And, an hour is 60 minutes right? Can’t change that. Some silly physics law or something.
But…with the new Toyz patented batteryless clock, and hour ISN’T an hour. Hands don’t move if there is no battery, right!!!
So, next time when your girl is laying there in your arms and asks “Baby how long do we have?” You can direct her to your batteryless clock and say “Oh, its only 5:30…we still have time for round 2”…(providers can count very well, they are challenged by time however...don't believe me? How many times have you heard "Just ten more minutes baby, can we move it back an hour? Are you in town NEXT week?"
But don’t give up now! I have more tips for extending the wonder & excitement that is provider heaven.
*A recorded message piped through your radio warning of impending nuclear holocaust will keep her safe in your arms for hours
*Having a naked friend run and bang on your door desparately screaming about a terrible viral fungus that is in the air and eats flesh has just been announced by the center for disease control in Atlanta…but that this fungus can ONLY attach to clothing will help her keep from getting dressed and leaving
*Having a brother who is LE park outside your house and leave his lights flashing can extend those precious minutes into hours…
I hope you have enjoyed my first chapter of “The Hobby-one slightly twisted view” Stay tuned for other chapters including, but not limited to:
~How to pick dat Ho
~It’s only a rash
~What do you mean the stick turned blue?
Toyz
