The openly honest thought process of a minority hobbyist from 2010 to now, on a dead horse topic….

Well I WAS going to write a rant, but finding a keyboard, the thread I was going to post it on getting the lock, & actually waking up not wanting to spew 100% current Dorian Gray on the board today has brought this on. Once done I may or may not post on this particular thread/subject again. I’ll honestly be surprised if this doesn’t get an immediate lock, moved to modville, sandbox, or even points for bringing up a recently locked subject. So now everyone take a deep breath, & read hopefully with a much more open mind than I present on a daily basis.

I think I’ll start back on ASPD Christmas social. It’s a starting point most can relate to. It was my 1st social. To be quite honest I was about as nervous as a 8th grader giving a book report on a book he was suppose to read months ago, but did it in five hours & two hours sleep. So my original nickname of Urkel was well deserved back then.

The thing I do remember is that all the ladies were exceptionally nice, courteous, & flirtatitous. Some too flirtatious as they would find later. The thing is at that time, early on for me, I didn’t know providers denied hobbyist the pleasure of their company based on race. It’s the twenty first century. We are suppose to be past that, right? Even when the event came to an abrupt end, there was a provider, (SensuousLydia if you want to know) that…it’s hard to put into words exactly. She could have been “I’m worried only about myself time,” but she didn’t; she was nice to me. So here’s my starting point. Bright eyed & naive to the world of debauchery before me.

Fast forward to “I have no fucking idea when I see my 1st ‘No African American’s’ ad:”

“Seriously?! There are people like this still? I know this is Texas, but this isn’t Vidor. Houston is a progressive city, right?”

The idea of an independent female on ECCIE having a pimp hadn’t registered in my mind yet. Neither did the idea that fellow hobbyist didn’t like me…. Not just me actually. All black males enough to use such strong arm tactics. I think it took me. No I don’t know how long it took me to no longer be perplexed by this new reality before it turned into resentment.

If memory also serves me correctly at the time for me it seemed this was only limited to Caucasian providers. It was more palatable from social-cultural-geographic standpoint, though still it hurt in some misplaced emotionally attachment way. Yes. I put real world feelings & thought processes into the hobby world. Shame on me. I know. Though honestly, how would you feel if someone(s) you never met or communicated with openly denounces not just you, but what you felt at the time anyone that shared a common unchangeable-beyond-your-control genetic feature & lineage with you? The more I saw it. The angrier I became. I built up enough bitterness over the course of time that I developed a silent, & sometimes not so silent, hatred for the hobbyist that were putting food on their table.

“Fuck you guys. Why are y’all enabling this? Don’t you see how this is wrong & hurtful to every person of color out there?” Like I said. Young. Naive. Placing real world values & morals on an illegal (in America) underground sub-community.

Then I saw a NBA provider advertise that wasn’t Caucasian. Mind blown. Higher echelons of what the fuckness. The thought that historically Caucasians have oppressed in some form or fashion damn near every other ethnicity on this planet, yet you want to stand WITH THEM?!

“FUCK YOU. WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. FUCK YOU!!!”

So at some point in time the whole black pimp not wanting his whores stolen by another pimp concept was brought to my attention. Seriously?! Cockblocked by my own? Have they not seen I’m only 5’7” & wafer thin. Their bitch’s bitch, i.e. pet dog, could take me. I have no game & an awkward set of social skills. Why else would I be paying for sex? (The previous sentence is another story in & of itself.) I can’t steal your hooker.

Then we throw in the rumor that hobbyist are threatening not to see ladies, maybe even paying them to not see black guys. I use rumor because I have never met anyone who has admitted to doing this. I call it a black hobbyist urban legend. Yeah, that pissed me off as well, but at the same time I felt a bit redeemed. They were threatened by me in some way. Was it because black guys have big dicks? Did some black guy fuck his mom or sister when he was young & screw up his pretty world? as I mentioned earlier no one has ever admitted to doing this so I’ll just sit here & wonder what the truth is.

Somewhere along the line, more than likely around when that CHJ happened, I just decided to let it out. All the confusion. Self doubt. Questions that I would never get an honest answer to. Feelings that I was somehow inferior. Less of a man. Less than worthy out on the world. If I could just make them feel 1/100th as bad as I’ve felt it would make me feel better. (As I’ve said many times earlier my complete & utter disconnect of hobby & real world hadn’t been established.) If I could get even a slight pause. An agreement. Validation maybe something would happen. I don’t even remember what the actual goal at the time was. Was there a goal? Oh yeah. Make these fucking whores, their pimps, & scared bribing bitch ass hobbyist feel bad.

I won’t say I wanted a provider to one day say, “Sorry black people for my ignorance. The candy store is open to all.” I’m not Martin Luther King. I’m not even Malcolm X by any mean necessary. I didn’t…. still don’t truly care about other black hobbyist to attempt to lead some pointless vanguard on equality. I just need enough public opinion attention to sooth my bitterness.

By now some…. Most…. All of you are going, “Too long. Why did I even read?“ “C’Mon, Dorky ’n Gay, I know you PM’d one NBA hooker & tried to still get some poon.” “Damn, you’re one sad little ego driven less than man.”

Okay. I’ll give you that last one on February 29th.

Finally, one day I just woke up & when I logged on it didn’t bother me as much. Then a little less the following month. Then to around the current level of 5-10% annoyance. I can go through the two ad forums. Hit next or previous, & within two to three sentences tell if a new name, face, pussy, you get the point is NBA without needed to get to the signature line. I still look at the pics. 50%…. Okay who am I kidding 70% of them are attractive looking to me. I have a level of acceptance towards it now. Plus the fact that if I want to download their pics, & fad to them at my leisure they can’t stop me. Small internal grin time.

So I stopped slinging hate their way. I didn’t post on their reviews. Really what is there for me to say on them? You can say I am just defeated if you like. Maybe I am. I’ve decided that it’s not a fight worth going after anymore. This is a business to them at the end of the day. They need to scrape out a living. I’m putting it this way, nicely, because yeah they’re making hundreds of dollars an hour, tax-free, on their back. Just have you ever stopped to think it is true they won’t see Negro dick, but Negro dick make up what? 10-15% of the hobbyist. Think of all the “fat, sweaty, unclean, of even more questionable moral character than myself, having daughters or granddaughters the same age as them, wives-at-home” fucktards that they have to give off the “you’re the greatest lover or person ever” image to.

Yeah, if you do have a pimp controlling you then that’s on you. Though if you truly are independent with an NBA policy I’ve resigned myself to the fact that it is no longer a personal attack on me. There’s a toll on your soul that a man will never understand.

I’m going to cut of my ramblings here for now. Now that I’ve said this I might come back & add more after all.

Didn't read all that. But from the little I did it was fairly accurate to how I adjusted to it. I still see my favorite lady who's also NBA. The new thing seems to be age limits on the black guys you will see, 30-50 seem to be starting ages. The young guys are just to aggressive from what they tell me.

Virtual hug sweetie, I enjoyed your post

Ok, let me summarize that:

DG is a 5'7" skinny black.

Among possible explanations you've heard of why NBA is implemented:

1) Black pimps want to keep other blacks away.....to protect their harem.
2) Other guys were telling providers to keep away from blacks

You can comprehend why NBA policy would be enforced for reason #1. But you don't really understand why ladies would avoid blacks otherwise. However, you accept that it's their choice even as you're not happy with the percentage of providers you can't meet.

Bigger font please.

Bigger now?

Yeah..."By now some…. Most…. All of you are going, “Too long. Why did I even read?“ “C’Mon, Dorky ’n Gay, I know you PM’d one NBA hooker & tried to still get some poon.” “Damn, you’re one sad little ego driven less than man.”


This subject has been discussed ad nauseam, it's the provider who is going to be bcd with someone, her right to see whoever she chooses. There are white gents on here, who only see AA ladies, am I going to get bent out of shape about that, no, because it's a preference who people want to spend time with. Also, you want us to feel sympathy for you...really? How do you imagine BBWs feel every time someone who's never seen them before rips into their positive review, or ridicules them in the coed threads? Also a form of prejudice and discrimination. Seems like karma to me.



~

Ignorant dribble. Poor victim. Try getting pissed at your 'brothers' instead of the girls. There is a certain segment of our population that I don't like and don't see based on my experiences with them. I know there are many who don't fit my stereotype who I will unfortunately never get to know based on that, but to me it is worth avoiding what, in my experience, has been the majority. Get over it and put the blame where it belongs.

Bigger now? Originally Posted by Dorian Gray

Much better. Muchas gracias. I will read it later when I am on the road to NC.

Thanks for that DG. As a Caucasian man I obviously cannot empathize with your situation but I can sympathize with it. I applaud your attempts to get past it but recognize that it must be very difficult. I too was initially shocked that such a thing exists in this day and age, and yet here we are.

I have only felt some very small amount of what you describe one time in my life and it was a terrible feeling. I was in Seoul, South Korea and it is/can be a very insular and prejudiced place for foreigners. Some restaurants there refuse to serve caucasians at all in fact.

Hobby wise, I really wanted to sample some of the local talent and in particular what is called an AnMa kind of a cross between an upscale Massage/Spa/Brothel. Anyway it's not important. The salient point is that I was denied entry to around 5-6 of them before I finally gave up and went to Itaewon district known for catering to Americans. I later read that girls and establishments deny Caucasians partially because if a place gets known as somewhere that accepts foreigners the local Korean men will stop going there.

I remember thinking to myself what a fucked up and unfair thing it is. I was shocked and frankly angry. I was also struck by the role reversal where I myself was the minority and facing discrimination. It feels shitty. I've never been a discriminating sort of person but that experience gave me a very small idea of what minorities still face today in certain areas in America and a respect for those who persist in spite of it and manage not to become too jaded.

...oh and also,

As Spice said, caucasian people are discriminated against like all the other races. If you don't see that, you need to travel more. I have been discriminated against in Hawaii. In the Polynesian world white people are called Hoales. In the orient, white people are routinely shunned. In Africa, white farmers have their land taken from them. You really need to travel more if you honestly believe you are special in that regard. Go to the middle east and see for yourself.

In before the lock

Maybe I'm the only one but what I took from the post was a little different than the things mentioned above or whether a provider having an NBA is right or wrong. One thing I could relate to was how the hobbyist mind and thought patterns change and progress over the years. Many things I may have considered "shocking" when I started in the hobby are as normal and routine as brushing your teeth every morning. I think we all have to be desensitized to a certain degree to be here but for me it also has to do with finding the balance needed to prevent it from bleeding over into your real world affairs.

As Spice said, caucasian people are discriminated against like all the other races.... Originally Posted by drax1

I never said they were not.
I owed myself a worthy rant so that so that I could make myself feel. Yo know, to get over that woe is me for being black. The world owes me something in return feeling. The world doesn't owe me or anyone two shits. I get that.

Thanks for the bump though

"This is the saddest story I have ever heard."
Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier

Poor poor pitiful you.