What would *YOU* do - outed to employer and fired

What would *YOU* do if you were outed to your employer resulting in termination of your position? Especially if you had had spent 4 to 6 months dating a provider from the boards here in a committed, monogamous (beyond her turning tricks) relationship that ended about 2 months before the outing occurred? And she or her clique of friends were the only ones with intimate knowledge of where you worked and materials supplied to your employer, especially if you had just started a new job near the end of the relationship.

Realize that Texas is an at-will termination state and no reason for termination is required! So, after getting an attorney on board that specializes in employment law, a quick call from the lawyer to find out more details, you found out that the real reason you were fired is an anonymous package of reviews and emails tying the two (reviewer and an email with reviewers phone and address) together, to you the hobbyist or provider, was mailed on Valentines day to your company, what would you do?

How would you handle it? What would be your immediate visceral reaction? How do you think the various active boards in this area should handle it? What kind of information should be disseminated to the board?

I can tell you, that in my case, the above is actually a true scenario as of last week Tuesday. Sadly, I will be moving out of state very soon as part of a good employment opportunity that will benefit me financially and hopefully rebuild my career.

Luckily a very good friend of mine is the attorney in the scenario, we care about each other very much and she took a big affront to the outing. The lawyer has an excellent team of PI's that she is drawing from to help document the proof needed for further action. So, I'd love to hear what the hobbyist and providers think about this..... just how would you handle this? Am I headed down the wrong path? Or not doing enough quick enough?

And please, don't post the typical - You dumb ass, you ain't Richard Gere and she wasn't Julia Roberts type answers, I know I lost at the "Save a Ho" game BIG TIME. I'd really like to hear how YOU would deal with BEING OUTED and FIRED! Or just plain OUTED.....

Sorry to hear that, Kittylover... That's a horrible thing for someone to do. All you can really do is put it behind you & move on, which sometimes means cutting your losses and skipping the vengeance game. Only you know if you can do that. I for one have never been vindictive because it only adds to the pain in the end because it continues a negative cycle. Some people are different.

I knew a provider who told me her grand plan to out her ex-bf/hobbyist and I strongly opposed her actions. It's not right to destroy the lives of those who are innocent for your own satisfaction. I hope your troublemaker realizes she's only bringing more pain for all by doing so to you.

Good luck moving on...
Kat

Not much you can really do except what you are doing. Just proof that you are never safe from being outed it could happen here or in a civie relationship if you have a wife that is. What comes around goes around and she will probably get hers someday. Man that sure does suck for you.... Sorry that shit happened that is a pretty low thing to do.

Whoever did that to you is a worthless POS and should be revealed so the community is aware of this. That person is dangerous and a bigger threat to others that they could encounter in the future...

Sixx

Life goes on....after you get over the Pre-shock of being a victim of circumstance, you have already been handed a way out and a new direction by having the opportunity with the new job out of state.....forget past and protect yourself in the future and move on...lessons learned today will only benefit you tomorrow...

As an employer I will defend Texas as being an "At-Will" state.....but I would never fire someone on the case of being outed, but if you were using the means and equipment of the company for your "fun-times" then that would be another circumstance that might bring the "at will" action effective...

Just saying....

So sorry that happened to you

Thanks for the sympathy, really appreciated. But really curious as to what you would do if this ever happened to you? Has this ever happened to you? DO you have contingency plans as to what you would do if outed?

Thanks for the sympathy, really appreciated. But really curious as to what you would do if this ever happened to you? Has this ever happened to you? DO you have contingency plans as to what you would do if outed? Originally Posted by kittyloveratx

Thought I mentioned it but just in case

"I would move on"

Outing for a provider sometimes means being in jail. I sure wouldn't want to go there. Sorry I can't answer from the perspective of a hobbyist. I am with Sixx in regard to needing to know who the "outer" is because so many of you fellas are REALLY naive. We have many ladies who are honest for the most part & certainly ethical, but some of the gals that get praised have serious issues that are completely passed over. Sometimes because they're "hot" especially when under the influence of things we're not allowed to mention. *ahem*

One of my biggest complaints about honesty in reviews is that there will always be gaps in information that can cause trouble like this. Just sayin'... Inconsistent service is a sign to watch for as well as erratic behaviour. Some can keep their priorities straight & you'd never know anything was up... but others... well... you guys know. Just don't ignore the warning signs.

This is why I try (try) to be very careful about my own RL information. I use a hobby email and hobby Google Voice phone number, and use P411 for screening. 99% of providers that know me, know me on a first name basis, because I never told them my last name.

And yeah, name and shame on the culprit, even if just in ML, that is beyond the pale and the community needs to be warned.

You can never be too careful with this shit. You can always be too careless...

Sucks that it happened. Best thing is to make it go away as quietly as possible. And get on with life.

How would you handle it? What would be your immediate visceral reaction? How do you think the various active boards in this area should handle it? What kind of information should be disseminated to the board?
Originally Posted by kittyloveratx

Howdy, Folks!

Well, first off:

- Sorry to read this. The scenario as presented just plain bites.

What would I do?


Um...get up and go to work.

Because of the nature of my work, as long as I'm not selling company secrets or ripping them off - my employer would give less thought to what I do with my personal time than they would about a squirt of syphilitic rat's piss that just went over the side of a garbage scow into the ocean.

Long story short - they wouldn't care.

I can tell you, that in my case, the above is actually a true scenario as of last week Tuesday. Sadly, I will be moving out of state very soon as part of a good employment opportunity that will benefit me financially and hopefully rebuild my career.


Luckily a very good friend of mine is the attorney in the scenario, we care about each other very much and she took a big affront to the outing. The lawyer has an excellent team of PI's that she is drawing from to help document the proof needed for further action.
Originally Posted by kittyloveratx

Wow - sounds like a decent silver lining. It could really be a lot worse. I know that's hard to read right now, but still - you're in a pretty good place, considering. Accept this.


If I were in your position, I would probably be angry, might lash out at others, I would be angry with myself, the whole nine yards.

Now is the time to regroup, consider your position, take stock of your assets and liabilities, contemplate your next move, and be thankful you are still cognizant of time, place, and person.

Get close to your trusted people, keep them close. Allow them to help you through this.


Again - sorry to read this. I honestly think moving and reinventing yourself after such a situation is probably a very good thing, if your work dictates such treatment of Hobbyists.

Frankly, I think this might be a blessing - after all, would you really wanna work for folks that are THAT uptight about your personal life? None of their goddam business, I feel. Good riddance.

Good luck to you.

WTF??? Really....I do not understand this. I mean it is one thing getting mad at someone but to go to the extreme and outing someone is just plain fucked up. All I have to say is Karma is not someone I would piss off.
I am so sorry babe this happened to you. I wish you the best of luck.

MUAH

Dear Kittylover,
I am really sorry to hear that any gal around here would treat you or anyone else like that. I have been grateful to you for the sign on my door that says....
"I sure hope you had a good time, could you let me know what stuck out in your mind as something I really did right for you and something I did that, if I changed it, would have made your visit even more stellar?" kittyloveratx 6/26/10

I would be furious! I would want revenge! I would think about that long and hard. And then I would consider again what to D.E.W.

But, yes, she is a danger to the whole community, talk about an alert! I would AT LEAST let the mods know who that was so that someone is able to watch her.

I'm glad to hear that it might be a bigger, better job for you. I hope the new life in the new place also is better. Karma taking care of you, we can only hope that Karma will also take real good care of her too.

That really sucks. But the reality is, the damage is done. I would not spend much time and money getting even though, that person just isn't worth the effort. But, I would make damn sure that she could not do this EVER again to some other trusting soul. A big fat ALERT is in order! Be prepared however, and search your conscience that there isn't another side to the story.