Funniest/Best things heard in a session

After really enjoying SofaKing’s thread on “Hall of Fame Quotes” I thought it would be fun to start one listing the funniest/best things you’ve ever heard spoken in a session. Guys and girls are welcomed to play. So, I’ll lead off…

#3 <at an AMP> Provider: “We have a few minutes left in our session. Is there any specific area you’d like me to massage now?”
Alexxx: <response obvious>

#2 <First session with this provider – VERY late at night> Provider : “Wow, you aren’t a weird-o at all. You’re a really sweet normal guy!” <awkward silence>
Alexxx: “Thanks, I think?” <don’t know what she was expecting… she screened me and everything>

#1 <In the heat of passion> Provider : “Oh my God, I LOVE you!” <awkward silence> “Uh, I mean I love you for the next hour or so!”
Alexxx: <laughing hysterically> “Ditto!”

First meeting with the provider, as I'm getting "comfortable", she looks at me and hesitantly asks, "Were you in an accident or something?" (I have NEVER been accused of being good looking...OK)

First meeting with provider who "specialized " in Greek, " Her: AstroGlide...what's that?"

AMP spinner on realizing I was shaved down below, "Ohhhhh... you do that yourself?" TMFT, "Uh...yea..." Her, , "Very clean...very nice... very PRETTY." I chalked it up to the language barrier.

The worst thing I guess its kinda funny was when I got a call from a provider telling me she liked me more then my GF did, and then she later got mad at me when I did not call her when I had a bad day. I never called her after the I like you more then your GF statement, but she called me for a month after that off and on i just did not pick up anymore, after a while she stopped calling.

Started weird ended good. Saw a provider who has a roommate. She asked how come you saw **** last time and not me? I know she does not do CIM for you? I was bothered at first but this girl was one of my ATF, I told her I know but I just wanted to change things up a bit. SHe got up and called **** in the room and told her to take care of me. I thought she was going to walk out becasue she was mad but she stayed and **** gave me head for about 15 minutes and right when I was going to blow my ATF jumped on the bed and finished me with CIM. No extra charge. These roommate were great and i still miss them both.

Was number 2 me? LOL! Late night clients can be weirdo's. It seems the later it gets the weirder the clients get! You would be amazed at the difference between a 12pm client & a 12am client. But of couse this is not true for every late night apointment.


Back on topic .... I had a client a few weeks back say ... "I've read your reviews and they say great things about your service but not so much your looks, so I knew you would'nt be that pretty!" OUCH! I'm still licking my wounds.

And he said this right at the begining of the session. Boy was that a LONG hour!

So...do rather loud queefs and the awkward silence that ensues count?
Her next statement was "Oh my god! That wasn't a fart!"

"We can't do anal today, I cut my butthole shaving this morning"

Was number 2 me? LOL! Late night clients can be weirdo's. It seems the later it gets the weirder the clients get! You would be amazed at the difference between a 12pm client & a 12am client. But of couse this is not true for every late night apointment. Originally Posted by Brooke Wild

LOL! No Brooke, #2 comment wasn't from you. Your were a total sweetheart when we met. The provider that made the "wierd-o" comment later explained EXACTLY what your saying about later at night generally equals wierd-er guys. I just assumed that her screening me would have given her a rough idea of my weird-level (or lack of it).
I can't believe the hobbiest that said "I wasn't expecting you to be cute". 1) you are 2) how rude 3) how awesome YOU are for still seeing him after he said that!

"We can't do anal today, I cut my butthole shaving this morning" Originally Posted by rcinokc

RC: Wow! You win! That's hilarous!

I had a client a few weeks back say ... "I've read your reviews and they say great things about your service but not so much your looks, so I knew you would'nt be that pretty!" OUCH! I'm still licking my wounds.

And he said this right at the begining of the session. Boy was that a LONG hour! Originally Posted by Brooke Wild

Ouch, that was brutal, Ms. Brooke. Kudos to you for being professional enough to not chase him out of the place witha stick!!!

I'll bet that WAS a long hour.

man trey....you must have that love potion on your $ick making them call and say I love you more than your girl friend. either that or your daty was spelling her name while she busted her multiple bells.

The worst thing I guess its kinda funny was when I got a call from a provider telling me she liked me more then my GF did, and then she later got mad at me when I did not call her when I had a bad day. I never called her after the I like you more then your GF statement, but she called me for a month after that off and on i just did not pick up anymore, after a while she stopped calling. Originally Posted by trey

yeah brooke....chasing him down.....or actually biting through the condom to make a statement...lol

1. Can I keep you and take you home....you taste so good (that is what she said to me)

2. She was leaving without the donation, I ran back to get it for her, "You forgot this..." to which she said, "No I didn't you turned me out in a good way, I figured I should be paying you" (I kept her and our 3 hours monthly has broken a bed frame and a couch and we are small folk)

3. No one sees you coming....your small and compact then WHAM the next thing they know this little guy has got it going on. (I kept her too, same as #1)

Ok I have a doozie and it is fresh as in the past hour.

As I was leaving the notel, she points to this guy walking around as the owner of the notel and a couple of nearby convenience stores.
She meant to say he has big 'cojones' for walking around this neighborhood , but she said:

" He has big JOHOVAS"

Can I get a 'witness'?

too funny

Ok I have a doozie and it is fresh as in the past hour.

As I was leaving the notel, she points to this guy walking around as the owner of the notel and a couple of nearby convenience stores.
She meant to say he has big 'cojones' for walking around this neighborhood , but she said:

" He has big JOHOVAS"

Can I get a 'witness'? Originally Posted by Htowner

Going to town with a provider in the afternoon and we are in mish position about to ring the bell, when housekeeping knocks on the door and calls out "housekeeping". Given the hight of passion we didn't respond so in comes the poor housekeeper and all she gets is an eye full of ass and bee lines it for the door.

Provider looks up at me smiles and says "oops my bad, should've locked the door"