I heard there was a poetry slam.

Oh, the Places You'll Ho!
by: some asshole

Salutations!
Today’s your first day.
You've blurred out your pictures!
Provider status OK’d!

Do you do Greek?
Is it wise to refuse?
Build that menu of yours
in any way that you choose.
You're hot new shit, don’t you no-call no-show.
And sweet baby Jesus, don’t let your man know.

You'll see girls on Oltorf, look 'em over and stare.
About some you will say, "At least I don’t work there."
With your purse full of bills, each one from some cheat,
you're so over the men who won’t come with a treat.

The more appointments you take
the more work gets you down.
Don’t you fret, my sweet baby,
you'll head straight north of town.

It's fancier there
in the open mall air.

Out there things get bleak
and frequently do
to people as slutty
and wanton as you.

And then things start to jade you,
I’m sorry. It’s true.
Fuck girl, ignore that ole shit.
Post your ad, rent’s due.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL HO!

Are yew thar, God?
It's meh, Marrgrit.
Oh mah fukkin' Gahdt!!!!
Why is mah poosy a-bleedin' laik a stuck pig?!?!?

Sweet fukkin' Hey-seuss Crisco!
Whar did these muthafukkin' cramps cum frum?
It feels laik mah step-daddy a-brandin' mah belly wif a red hot poker!
How tha hell am Ah s'possed tah git fitted fer a trainin' bra when mah bee-bite boobies are so sore thet e'en wearing' a T-shirt hurts laik a sum'bitch! A real sum'bitch!

And speakin' o' real sum'bitches, Ah ain't innerested in boys, no mo'.
Not whenst Ah feel laik this.
Sumbuddy, pleez end meh.
Ah can't dew this no mo'!

Take one o' them ol' granny-sized Kotex pads mah momma showt me an' smother meh wif it laik it wuz a pillow.
God, yew got one sick sense of' humor ta make meh, an' e'ery womb-man thet e'er drew a breath, go thru this.
Yew better send meh ta Hell if'n this kills meh.
'Cos if'n Ah wind up in Hevvin, Ah'm a-gonna cum a-lookin' fer ya.

Ah gots a little score ta settle wif yew!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Jenn's the smartest hooked
I ever knew

I love them pretty, and witty, and
Vise-Grip ability!

Never got to meet Miss Jenns before she hung up her stilettos but so happy she still posts here on occasion. Her wit and humor make this board such a better place.

Oh, the Places You'll Ho!
by: some asshole

Salutations!
Today’s your first day.
You've blurred out your pictures!
Provider status OK’d!

Do you do Greek?
Is it wise to refuse?
Build that menu of yours
in any way that you choose.
You're hot new shit, don’t you no-call no-show.
And sweet baby Jesus, don’t let your man know.

You'll see girls on Oltorf, look 'em over and stare.
About some you will say, "At least I don’t work there."
With your purse full of bills, each one from some cheat,
you're so over the men who won’t come with a treat.

The more appointments you take
the more work gets you down.
Don’t you fret, my sweet baby,
you'll head straight north of town.

It's fancier there
in the open mall air.

Out there things get bleak
and frequently do
to people as slutty
and wanton as you.

And then things start to jade you,
I’m sorry. It’s true.
Fuck girl, ignore that ole shit.
Post your ad, rent’s due.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL HO! Originally Posted by JennsLolli

This made me laugh so hard I almost spilled my breakfast Cristal.

SXSW comes to town

There was a Monger who wished to play
He scanned the ads and read the reviews

But nary a soul to play by night or day
Only looking for a slut to provide some head

You know the type, full lips and passion
They have all gone downtown and party till bed

When the guest are gone and the streets clear
The girls will be posting for their friends dear

Do not fret, worry or complain
All things must pass but usually stay the same

Go to work, i must
To pay for this wonderful lust
The girls,it seems
All share my dreams
Until my wallet is dust

Good stuff JennsLolli, miss you on this garbage fire board. You should send me your rate to go drinking and talk shit lol.

Bravo Jenn. Encore Encore!

David, you thought challenged civil servant, the pregnancy thread was 2 weeks ago.

David, you thought challenged civil servant, the pregnancy thread was 2 weeks ago. Originally Posted by Mr Peabody

Ah ain't nobuddy's servant enny mo' an' Ah shore as hell ain't civil ta nobuddy no how these days. Yew best shut yer yap, shortee. Uthawise ah'll drag yer carcass down ta the animule shelter an' get yew neutered!

Sumtimes Ah jus' can't help mahself. All us artistickal folks is mite temper-ment'l.

Bravo Jenn!

How not to get Jaded.

Baby, I know that the Hobby is fun
But heed my words to have a good run.

Screen diligently to avoid the losers.
Just because he texted you a handle
doesn't mean he's that user!

All money isn't good and some men are bad.
Stick to your guns and you'll be glad.

If terrible lovers are getting you down
take some time off rest, relax,
or blow off steam with a night on the town.

Avoid drugs and and drama and all of that strife.
Above all make sure you have a separate personal life!

Man, a gal takes her price tag off and you dudes get all m'lady up in here. Other working titles from my upcoming ebook of hoetry include:

Ode to that Grecian Burn

Sonnet Barely 18: Shall I Compare thee to my Favorite Lay?

"Daddy"

And Thou art Dead, I'm Young and Fair

Sparkling peach wine, a Best Western, and thou...

Clenched Hole

Jenn and everyone - Love this ha ha

David.D.ouch .. I remember writing poems about my rag when I was a teen... some evil stuff.

SA Angel - very cute and great advice

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini.

OMG, I just love a good martini!!!!!!