Blondes

Blondes explain Easter

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told
them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what
Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a
big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.

The second blonde, a Brit, said. "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth
and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.

The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter
said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish
festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples
when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans
hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a
tomb behind a very large boulder ..... "

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder
and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of
hockey."

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Lions

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is
a good looking older man in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous
brunette in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one
ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're
history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try
out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, without the whip
and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.

About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful
naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts
licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body
for several minutes, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a
display like that in my life." He then turns to the older man and asks,
"Can you top that?"

The older man replies, "I'll try, but just get that lion out of the way
first".

Yea!!!!!HOCKEY!!!!lol