See provider in public; what to do

Twice in the last several months I have run into providers I knew out in public. I was unsure of the proper course of action. Should I acknowledge her and possibly risk "outing" her or ignore her and risk making her feel like I was ashamed to recognize her? I would appreciate some guidance from hobbyists and providers wiser and more experienced than me. In both of these instances, I indicated no recognition of the provider.

I think you handled it correctly. I don't think many providers would feel like you were ignoring them. I have had similar situations but never acknowledged the client and even received a few thank yous for that. Remember discretion is very important to us all and unless someone says it is ok to acknowledge them in public then it is better to be cautious and say nothing.

fast look and a smile....and keep moveing.

That depends on your relationship with the provider. I wait till they start a conversation. Having pleasent convo. How you been?? has little chance of outing someone in a general population situation. People in general have no idea where you know her from.

Depends where the location is, if you say hello. DISCRETION 1st.

How about ignore while out in public, and follow up w/ an email later acknowledging that you recognized her and didn't want to blow up her spot out in public.

+1 Enchanter.

Its pretty much a unspoken golden rule in the hobby that you never approach each other out in the real world. You never know who is around or who the person is with.

seems like a lot of paranoia in the hobby,I have smiled and said hi to many woman in public.I didn't know them.Could have smiled and said hi to you and never known you were in the hobby.If I see a pretty woman will say hi and smile,don't want anyone to think I am gay.LOL

@ekin008, in this case, it's not about paranoia...but more about respect

I once knew a provider, that I became close friends with. Many times, in the morning, when her boyfriend came to pick her up...they would treat me to a Sunday brunch at somewhere like the Bristol.

She was very attractive, and I can remember numerous times...when they were fighting (nothing big, just snapping at each other) and a guy would happen to smile at her, or even just say a quick HI, he would start in on how did she know him and was he a client of her.

So I understand where you are coming from, but in these type of cases, discretion wins over friendliness

@ekin008, in this case, it's not about paranoia...but more about respect

I once knew a provider, that I became close friends with. Many times, in the morning, when her boyfriend came to pick her up...they would treat me to a Sunday brunch at somewhere like the Bristol.

She was very attractive, and I can remember numerous times...when they were fighting (nothing big, just snapping at each other) and a guy would happen to smile at her, or even just say a quick HI, he would start in on how did she know him and was he a client of her.

So I understand where you are coming from, but in these type of cases, discretion wins over friendliness Originally Posted by vkmaster

sounds like paranoia on his part

sounds like paranoia on his part Originally Posted by ekim008

It could be but so be it IMO, As the boys would be apt to say, this thing of ours is an invisible fantasy & folks on both sides have private lives that they need to protect.

seems like a lot of paranoia in the hobby,I have smiled and said hi to many woman in public.I didn't know them.Could have smiled and said hi to you and never known you were in the hobby.If I see a pretty woman will say hi and smile,don't want anyone to think I am gay.LOL Originally Posted by ekim008

OK, so then you'd have no problem if a lady you just had an appointment with smiled and said hi to you if you were with your wife or child?

It has nothing to do with paranoia, it has to do with keeping real life time seperate from the fantasy world.

Think of it this way, most psychologists/therapists won't even acknowledge you in public because of the pretty much the same reason, discretion.

I told this story before, but its worth repeating. I had a client walk up to me at a mall once. He started calling out my fantasy name, "Elena." Then he starts talking to me without even thinking I might be waiting on someone, with someone, etc. I'm shaking my head is disbelief and as he says my name for the last time, my 10 yr old niece walks up at the same time. She starts to ask, who's Elena and who is this guy? I gave her some money, told her to go into the candy store. Then I proceeded to give that client a piece of mind.

Discretion.

OK, so then you'd have no problem if a lady you just had an appointment with smiled and said hi to you if you were with your wife or child?

It has nothing to do with paranoia, it has to do with keeping real life time seperate from the fantasy world.

Think of it this way, most psychologists/therapists won't even acknowledge you in public because of the pretty much the same reason, discretion.

I told this story before, but its worth repeating. I had a client walk up to me at a mall once. He started calling out my fantasy name, "Elena." Then he starts talking to me without even thinking I might be waiting on someone, with someone, etc. I'm shaking my head is disbelief and as he says my name for the last time, my 10 yr old niece walks up at the same time. She starts to ask, who's Elena and who is this guy? I gave her some money, told her to go into the candy store. Then I proceeded to give that client a piece of mind.

Discretion. Originally Posted by MsElena

Gonna have to agree here. In this case I sould not blame you at all for letting him have a piece of your mind. It's funny I saw a provider a couple of years ago who had left the lifestyle. We were in a convienence store & as we passed one another glances were the only thing exchanged. She waited for me to get in my vehicle & as I was backing out & she was sure I was alone she came over & we had a nice chat. The key here is that we were both cautious. It's okay imo to interact in public as long as both parties ar careful about it.

I have however seen other folks from both sides while I was out & about & because of the circumstance at the time we ignored each other.

Perhaps a slight glance or a slight smile, but I would never risk more then that. And, that may be pushing it.
I think totally ignoring or treating them the same as all of the other strangers you encounter in public would be the proper protocol.

To quote the great Jim Reeves:

Just walk on by, wait on the corner
I love you but we're strangers when we meet.