Dating and the hobby

When dating a civilian, do you tell them about the hobby? If you do, when? How long is appropriate to wait? This one may be geared more towards the ladies as it is a much bigger difference between hobbying a little and being a provider.

Honey,

Do you mean casual non-exclusive dating as in free to see others or dating as in he thinks your his girlfriend and there is some expectation of exclusivitity.

For your own feelings, sooner than later. I would hate for you to develop feelings only to have him end the relationship if he is not okay with your line of work.

Either or. Or even if you're retired. Do you and when?

Well if you are just casually dating, it's none of his business. I wouldn't giveven out that information to someone who may decide for any other reason to just stop calling or move on or vise versa.

If you're actually retired, I definitely don't see why you would tell him unless you believe there is a chance he/she learns of it else where.

If it's more serious and you are providing, then for your sake, he needs to know before you get too invested.

I was in a meeting today where honesty was discussed i.e. the ethics of honesty.
A very complex topic
Is it appropriate to be honest when it will hurt someone?
Sometimes yes, alot of times no.

Sometimes it is appropriate to lie,omit the truth or be honest when it is serving the greater good....in this case the potential future of a relationship.
We must ask ourselves why we wish to be honest?
Is it to assuage our own feelings of guilt or remorse?
Or the opposite coin pride..." I'm an honest person by gollie and will hold nothing back!"
Both at the expense of the other person.
(Not implying the OP is one way or another, all conjecture)

They don't need to know imo unless you are providing whilst seriously dating them.
Meditate and Pray on this

Edit: sorry for my Davidfree know it all post lol

No

You ring that bell, it can NEVER be unrung !

Just my two cents, but if you're retired - then no reason to say anything. This is assuming you have no std's (as a result) that he needs to know about. The past is in the past.

If you are currently an active provider and have no intentions of retiring, then by all means yes he needs to know before it gets serious. His reaction could be anything from 100% acceptance to complete shock and disgust.

I've always wondered how providers handle this situation. Although I know there are guys that would be cool with it. More than likely, the vast majority would not be.

if it's casual, don't tell
if you're out of it, don't tell

If the relationship is getting serious (i.e. you're talking about exclusivity and you're still providing) you need to have a talk first.

just my opinion

Well if you are just casually dating, it's none of his business. I wouldn't giveven out that information to someone who may decide for any other reason to just stop calling or move on or vise versa.

If you're actually retired, I definitely don't see why you would tell him unless you believe there is a chance he/she learns of it else where.

If it's more serious and you are providing, then for your sake, he needs to know before you get too invested. Originally Posted by grean

I agree with grean 100 percent, until it becomes super serious as in possible marriage keep your mouth close. Most new relationships don't even make it 3 years or longer anymore, so I wouldn't say a word as a provider or a hobbyist.

My RW friend found out and said he wished I would have trusted him enough to tell him.

If i had to do it over, I would have come up with a better lie and made sure I covered my tracks better😉

My RW friend found out and said he wished I would have trusted him enough to tell him.

If i had to do it over, I would have come up with a better lie and made sure I covered my tracks better�� Originally Posted by Laura Lynn

Lmao love it L L, women are supposed to be the best liars so I'm surprised you didn't sell it better

Considering how hard it is, it would be damn tempting to date a hobbyist, as they'd already know your deepest darkest secret and accept you for it.....however that's recommended against for its own reasons.

HoneyD!!

You seem like good peoples. Allow me to toss my .02 in the can. Terms such as 'casual' or 'serious' can be vague for your purpose. (Such as: you two could be having sex, and it not be serious; or, you guys might not be having sex because he is serious.)

If you guys are having sex exclusively, he prolly needs to know. If you're dating exclusively, and you sense he's really taking time to get to know you, then he prolly needs to know.

If I were you, I'd focus on figuring out what your interest level really is, what his interest level really is (you might even have to ask), and whether or not you two should even be having sex now. Obviously, I don't know any details, but try to figure it out quickly, because, whether it's for your benefit or his, you might have to deal with it sooner than later.

Lastly, treat him as you'd want to be treated...then even if it blows up in your face, you'll be alright.

LnH

I usually tell the provider after the first session. I mean, even if she isn't aware, I've been dating her for awhile at that point. They're usually a bit taken aback; but tend to warm up when we're in the all-you-can-eat buffet line at Luby's and don't want to make a scene.

Considering how hard it is, it would be damn tempting to date a hobbyist, as they'd already know your deepest darkest secret and accept you for it.....however that's recommended against for its own reasons. Originally Posted by honeydavis

For cereal: highly doubt hobbying is anyone deepest darkest secret. Have you REALLY let out your deepest, darkest, inner kink-freak out in the hobby? You know, the porn you feel really dirty watching and cumming to? You make sure is always untraceable when you're looking for it, that you just can't wait to have an amazeballs intense orgasms to... Yeah, that porn.

Considering how hard it is, it would be damn tempting to date a hobbyist, as they'd already know your deepest darkest secret and accept you for it.....however that's recommended against for its own reasons. Originally Posted by honeydavis

Honey, you seem like such a sweet person. If you don't mind me turning the question around, would you cease being a provider if you met a guy with whom you had real feelings for, and he asked you to quit the profession?