The Best Advise I Ever Got Was...

It's simple. What's the funniest/best/most memorable advise you ever got? Who gave it? Hobby related is fine, non-hobby, just as good

"If you're not in bed by nine, come home".
"Pretend it's an ice cream". (first real boyfriend)

"Don't eat the Yellow snow" (@ age 5 by My Grandmother)

"Go ugly early" (Lt. Gen. Boomer USMC) He was referring to "o" clubs (officer clubs on base). You have 50 horny Marines and 5 women. If everyone goes for the 2 pretty women from 10pm-1:30am. There will be 48 drunken horny Marines going after the 3 that are left to take home at 2am. Hell I was drunk 1st Lt. and he was a 3 Star so I thought it made sense.

"If it's green, don't put it in..."
Sr. Chief Corpsman during a VD lecture.

"Lefty loosie, righty tighty"
-anon
(Which way to turn a screw, valve, or anything...)

"Son, chicks dig power and you have none..."
- My Dad explaining why I couldn't get laid in High School

"it won't hurt if you don't think about it" first greek experience

"getting paid is so much better than just giving it away" first provider friend

"just spit on it" my own advice given to myself

Haha, LMAO funny DeAnna

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

"If it flies, fucks, or floats, it's cheaper to rent."

"Whorehouse pussy is the cheapest in the world."

"Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others." (The Buddha)

"Marriage is like a besieged medieval city. Those on the outside desperately want in, and those on the inside desperately want out."

"Never miss a good chance to keep your mouth shut."

"Fools rush in where angels fear to thread."

"Always do right--this will gratify some and astonish the rest." (Mark Twain)

Don't ever propose with an erection. (Grandad @ age 17)

Learn to keep your mouth shut sometimes.
my ***

THINK before you speak! Best advice in the world. No matter the circumstances you will always benefit from it. Just a little thought about the consequences of what you are about to say makes all the difference in the world.

It's always better to be pissed off than pissed on!

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...maternal grandfather...

The worst pussy I ever had was great...female advice from one of my crazy uncles...

You can always wear out the post, but never wear out the posthole...don't even try!!!...same uncle...

Never argue with a fool

A sentence should be like a skirt, just long enough to cover the subject.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (who the hell wants a worm anyway)

Always listen to my parents the first time

"You are judged by the company you keep" (paternal grandmother)

"Under the stars is not romantic, it's cheap" (my mother, speaking of sexual escapades)