Hard vs Soft

And I ain't talking about weiners. For the ladies, mostly. (But guys can chime in also.) I've been reading about the cbt, etc and I am wondering do most guys seek the really hard core BDSM in the P4P world or are they more usually seeking the softer, more sensual mental, roleplaying side of the sub experience?

Just to get the ball rolling, I am of the softer, mental, sensual side. No ginger root for this cowboy. Yowza!

It is mood dependent on what I want and when I want and who I am with. But I don't go for the SM part the B to the extent I got to liking it with my ex because she liked the feeling of not being in control sometimes. It went both ways her or me. Even then sometimes say I tied her up and had my way with her and other times it was to just take her control away and see how far I could bring her.

Have you ever had a woman beg you to stop because she was O ing to long and hard?

OMG, yes. One time a woman was totally begging me to stop. Another time, a woman gasped when I lowered my trousers at the sight of my manliness.

Alas, both times I waked from the dream.

OMG, yes. One time a woman was totally begging me to stop. Another time, a woman gasped when I lowered my trousers at the sight of my manliness.

Alas, both times I waked from the dream. Originally Posted by barneyrubble

ROFL, been there also. But, even my ex as much as we don't get along will vouch for me along with a few others.

Like I said with me everything is mood dependent and who I am with. I do like that dominate area at times and I like it for the control aspect. Control can be both to give pleasure and take pleasure or it can be used to take something pleasurable and even make it hurt or make hurt pleasurable.

I'm for the softer side, if that can be said about what I like. I am into being tied up and dominated including toys, clamps, etc. I dont like whips or things that will leave physical marks nor am I into CBT but I like to say that within those limits I would try anything.

I'm for the softer side, if that can be said about what I like. I am into being tied up and dominated including toys, clamps, etc. I dont like whips or things that will leave physical marks nor am I into CBT but I like to say that within those limits I would try anything. Originally Posted by jwayne

You call that soft? I thought that was hard. I mostly like the same things you do, and like mild pain. But nothing that leaves marks or breaks the skin. Humiliation works too. If I were braver, it would be public humiliation.

Hmmm, public. About the most I like about public is seeing what places i can get away with it and not getting arrested.

Sounded pretty harsh to me also, Charles. But to each their own. I totally get what you mean by public humiliation (I think). I find it erotic also. Public, yes, but in a private, controlled setting. Does that count?

For sure.

I am more on the softer side as well but I have had a few girls want to be in control which was a cool turn of events. By softer I mean more of the tying up with things like silk ties or fuzzy cuffs with blindfolds and lots of sensory teasing but an occasional spanking her ass or her clawing my back... yeah, that can be fun! Been a good while since I have done that. I am in no way into the clamps, chains, whips and such but I have seen a few go with those... just not my thing. As for domination, I never really got into that but I have done it with a few ladies who seem to really like it when I controlled them.

just remember to have a safety word and all will be well

Like all things, it always depends on the individual. MOST p4p do not want lasting marks. This means you will have marks when you leave, but they will fade in 1-6 hours. (A pro Dom/Domme should ask).

It is a very big playground. Almost every piece of equipment's use can go from mild to wild and 99.9% of everyone falls somewhere between that.

I debated about including ginger root. It makes me seem so hard core which I am totally not. Mild pain, a little twist here; a little twist there is what I enjoy. Now outside this world, in my private life, I’m far more into the mental side of submission. But I’m definitely, as far as on the sub side, mild. On the Domme side (And I’m strictly never a Domme in my personal life.), I’m into just about anything my partner wants. The important thing is that both parties are mentally there and enjoying what they are doing right then and there.

In a perfect world, Olivia, it is all about having fun, being playful. In the P4P world, I guess if the provider just looks like she is having fun that is all a guy can ask for. Achieving any kind of connection in this world, I am discovering, is all smoke and mirrors. Personally, I am sad about that. But I think I understand the need for the ladies to compartmentalize this aspect of their lives. I'd prefer their to be some gray area of understanding instead of a black and white separation, but such is life.

I think that intensity and boundaries are much easier to quantify when we talk about physical play. It's much easier to negotiate which types of physical play are appealing and which are not, to establish where and which sort of marks may be left and to explain your pain tolerance. It is much more difficult to establish these guidelines in psychological play. When you come to me asking for humiliation and degradation, in depth communication is needed. Toying with the psyche is the ultimate pleasure for me and I've been fortunate to meet some wildly adventurous gentlemen in the hobby who love to be fucked between the ears. One person's intense pain is a mere tickle to other. Talking it through ahead of time is everything.

BR, I think there's ample opportunity for connecting on a personal level, within respectful boundaries that protect both parties. You should also consider this: the P4P aspect ultimately gives the sub much more control over the situation. I am much more open to the personal preferences of my clients and cater our play to their desires above my own. When someone wants to play with me in my personal life, they self-select. When you're playing with women who are sadists outside the hobby, you should be thankful to have that professional boundary keeping you safe