To clarify, I'm not afraid per se but sperm, coming in contact with my own spermmakes my skin crawl. Yeah, I masturbate. I also make sure when I feel a nut coming on to grab a bunch of wetnaps or do it in a nice warm running shower in the morning. Blowjobs are another matter. Obviously I'm getting bare ones, but if I allow myself to finish in her mouth I don't wanna kiss her for the rest of the Appointment. I don't wanna snowball. Even if she swallows. I need to see her gargle or brush her teeth. I know it's a mental block on my end. It's the idea that is alive and swimming in that pool of liquid.
Besides eating my own sperm how would one get over this?