How Much Control Do You Need?

I apologize if this is a shop worn topic, but I am curious.

I recently had an initial session with a young lady (early 20's) who is a seasoned provider. My game plan was to treat her like a little princess and indulge her little fanny off. I bought her gourmet chocolates and her favorite red wine and started the session by giving her a ten minute deep tissue fully body massage. I even did her pinkies. When the sex started I rebuffed her attempt to pleasure me, and I treated her to 50 minutes of activities that focused solely on her pleasure.

We both had a great time (and I got mine in due course) but I am not so sure that this would have worked with those providers who seem to need to control the session, at least initially. As someone recently posted, it seems that most sessions have a preordained course of action that rarely varies, and my guess this is a function of providers' comfort in having a routine.

So my question is, "How important is it for providers to feel in control of a session?" A related question is, "When does a provider feel comfortable enough to follow the hobbyist's lead?"

I would appreciate your comments and insights.

Awl4knot

This needs to be bumped to get it in the proper order.

Suddenly, I'm REALLY wishing that you were in Dallas right now!

Drooling with want,
Elisabeth

I am not sure what you mean by "control" from the provider, but damn that sounds like a really awesome appointment. I am with you Elisabeth...drool...

So my question is, "How important is it for providers to feel in control of a session?" A related question is, "When does a provider feel comfortable enough to follow the hobbyist's lead?" Awl4knot Originally Posted by awl4knot

Well... if I had to guess, I would think a provider might initially feel safer if she were more in control. I would also think that most providers would probably feel more comfortable following the hobbyist's lead after they've gotten to know him a little bit better.

In other words, I can see how allowing a total stranger, who is easily capable of physically overpowering you, to be in complete control could possibly be seen as potentially dangerous, or at least how it might make some providers a little nervous.

The first two of 4 providers I was ever with were total controllers. Both times I wauold touch my penis and they would move my hand away and say something to the effect of "I control the the orgasm" Im a push over so I just went with it.

In addition to the thread have any other guys had this experience of control, or any providers like this?

I would think that the "I have control over your orgasm" and the type of control that the OP is talking about are two different things.

Most women who are in this line of work need to be very aware of what is going on during an appointment. I'm luckier than most because I have regular clients who I see and I can just let go and not worry too much about anything other than making them happy.

But with guys that you haven't seen before, or if they're making your nervous, you need to have control over the appointment. It can be subtle. But it's generally often there with me.

I'm not holding a whip and saying, "Behave". Well, most of the time I'm not!

Elisabeth

I'm not holding a whip and saying, "Behave". Well, most of the time I'm not!

Elisabeth Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

That's not what I have heard!

Here lately the one(s) I've been seeing seem to be relaxed already and our time flows pretty well with control balancing well between the both of us. Thats where I that having communnication beforehand makes the biggest difference for me and the ladies I've seen here lately..

Now that I've thought about it, maybe control is too strong of a word. The concept is more like "relaxation" or letting your guard down. There were a couple of reasons why the lady was relaxed. I had just seen her good friend and doubles partner and I am sure that she knew that I was an "easy" client. We had corresponded by email and built a bit of rapport which was increased as soon as we met each other. Also, I wasn't asking to do anything crazy, but I was directing the action and means that there is some loss of control. The question is how much and how soon is a provider willing to let her guard down and enjoy the show?

It goes without saying that all of this is situational and driven by personalities, but there must be some general guidelines that hobbyists can follow.

Awl4knot

In my experience the first time with a new provider is generally controlled by her since we just met. As I continue to go back the control shifts from her to both of us and later to me.

However, there are some providers I have seen that have a "routine" they follow, I assume with all clients they see. This routine does get boring, at least for me, if it is the same thing time and again. In this case I usually choose to move on after 2 or 3 times with her.

The easiest control, and the one most used on me, is not to respond to a request for a date.

I really don't care about the thread 'cept to say "Me next! Me Me Me!"

I get what you're saying and the answer is Yes. Factoring in everything (requests, type & length of date, abiltity/ies), I've already given thought & come up with a flexible plan. On the flip side, not being called upon to "perform upon" is a rare thing.

The most sensitive part of my body is my shoulders/upper chest. 1 on 100 have figured that out because 1 in 500 even bother to touch anything but the "necessary" bits. Suddenly, I feel so sad for me

Keep up the good work Knot.

Now that I've thought about it, maybe control is too strong of a word. The concept is more like "relaxation" or letting your guard down. ...
It goes without saying that all of this is situational and driven by personalities, but there must be some general guidelines that hobbyists can follow. Originally Posted by awl4knot

There have often been times that I've first met a person and there was a connection/chemistry and things just happened. I wasn't feeling any need at all to be in that awareness type of zone that often I'm in.

I'm not sure if there is something that a guy can do to help make that happen. A GOOD massage does help IF the man is into it and not going through the motions (yes, we can tell). Kindness. Obvious desire is always great!

But so much of that is dependent upon chemistry. And I'm not sure if that can be forced in any fashion.

How Much Control Do You Need?

. Originally Posted by awl4knot

awl4knot....control is a two way street. Seems like you like to be the one in control.

Am I missing something?

I will agree that it varies from person to person.

People that have consistently good session are really good judge's of the moment and go with the flow. Maybe the next time, the lady will want control and you will read that it is a good time to give it to her. (the control that is)