Dominant and Submissive...

I’ve seen a lot of comments on dominant & submissive. I used to think it was just one involved party bossing the other around.
Lately though, I notice that I typically like to drive, or at least steer my sessions. Guess so I get the return on my investment, but I just like a smooth flow in my sessions.
Recently, upon sharing time(our first time) with a SB that has played in the dim/sub realm, she mentioned I have strong dominant tendencies, and now it has me thinking.
I don’t want to be ordering chicks meals for them in public and being degrading or such towards women. That’s just not me. But I have noticed that younger ladies enjoy a man who knows what he wants and it confident enough to provide the direction in how to get it.
I always thought all this was just part of a man being a man, in the first place?

I’d really like to see some discussion from the fellas and the gals on this topic. It could be beneficial for us all.

Paddy Ive run into the same thing. I think its gotta be this millenial generation whose man-boys are scared to act like men. When ive simply taken control of recent situations, the younger ones especially melt and open up. Its not over the top dom/sub bs either.. just acting like a man.

Paddy and atkats, you both are correct. Men in today's society have been taught to be passive, they don't have a clue what they desire out of life or have the initiative to attain their goals.

I have always taken initiative, or taken the lead in most aspects of my life, that's how I was raised. To most younger girls in the sb age range, they think we are doms simply because they are around a group of guys that can't even decide what to choose off a menu, much less decide where to go eat.

I enjoy the domme role with my sb's, it's not anything over the top, especially in public. I treat them as a gentleman should treat a young lady, I'll seat them and place the napkin in their lap. I will sit them to the inside of the table, always to my left. That way, I can quietly give them directions without notice of other patrons. If she is really enjoying the sub role, I will give her 2 options of what she can order off the menu. If she has been especially good, on occasion I will allow her to choose anything she wants as a reward for making daddy happy.

The bcd, is a different story. I will not ever degrade her by my actions or especially my words. But, I will take full and complete control of the activities by giving her very specific instructions on what to do and how to do it. All the while, gently pushing her physical and mental limits. I incorporate sensory overload and deprivation through a wide variety of means and tools. The key is to keep her at a state of nervous anticipation, never knowing what is coming next. Punish her when she doesn't follow your instructions, reward her when she is.

I only do this with my sb's and not with providers, mainly due to time constraints. With a sb, it involves multiple hours and a degree of earned trust. I simply can't afford the rates it would take to be able to enjoy a full session with a provider.

Dj8rocks- you hit the nail on the head, I have been in a relationship as a sub before (hence the tattoo above my clit) you have described perfectly IMO what a dom should be doing!
Now I like to be more in control lol but sometimes I let the sub part back in ;-)

Well thank you Ms Addison. Perhaps a choke collar and a flogger will lead you back from your errant ways?

Even though I'm 40+, I feel like one of the young guys you describe. I think it may be from seeing what an abusive father did to my mom and an abusive BF did to my wife, I equate dom to abuse and I'm afraid to do anything to hurt the woman. But I see more and more how women like a strong take charge man BCD. I'm the same way with spanking. Even when a girl tells me to spank her, I'm too timid. Guess I need to man up ��

Dominance is kind of a real subtle subject sometimes. Im in my late 40’s but have a real “take over the situation” personality (classic Aries for you astrological buffs) and I own a small business where I’m just constantly saddled with decision making. So, even though I have a pretty dominant personality, I like visits with providers that take over some. I like giving a bit of direction but allowing the provider to wander as she sees fit. I’m as “man” as the next guy but sessions for me are enjoyable when I’m NOT making the decisions.
All that being said, in the past with a close provider, I’ll make a broad list of fun/exciting ideas. I try and make it a substantial amount and then suggest that I would be thrilled if one of the ideas happened to show up as a surprise (but not mandatory). Sometimes this works better once chemistry is established.
Anyway, I’m a dominant personality but sessions are an escape for me from the daily crap that comes from “running the show”.

It's all about power exchange, and done right it can be mind-blowing. I typically enjoy a "take charge" kind of lady BCD, but it can also be fun to switch that up if the lady enjoys being submissive and really knows how to do it, particularly if she likes dirty talk, some humiliation, being called filthy things.....again, not my normal "mode" but it can sure be fun to play make-believe....

In the words of Meek Mill "there's levels to this shit".
Imho there's no one size fits all. Some prefer light dominance some prefer medium, some prefer a very strong hand. What has surprised me are the ones that had a Gothic look that only wanted it light, if any, and the pretty, soft spoken, and articulate wanted a strong hand.

Awesome thread!
I think I’ll bust out my collar and D ring for this week’s escapades.
Hmmm....
🤪
It’s definitely a power exchange and there’s absolutely different levels, especially among non-monogamous participants.
Also, from a female perspective, for us ladies who have lots of responsibilities in RL, we too, like to relinquish power at times.
My personal opinion is that most people fall into the “switch” category.
✔️

Oh how fun the mind games are.
🧠

I have thought about this a lot and wonder what I’m doing wrong. I end up being the dominant one in most bcd situations. And don’t get me wrong it’s nice. But sometimes I wish I could have a provider that was more aggressive and actually wanted me as much as I want her. Some have those come fuck my eyes and drive me crazy. If they would just say something like come here big boy and fuck the shit out of me. I might jus pop there and not even get in. I guess it’s the feeling of being wanted more so then dom or sub...... or am I talking about something else.?

I put myself into both categories, “switch” as tatted_milf so eloquently put it. In my real life I’m in charge all the time. As a manager at work, husband and father at home. I make all the decisions and am almost always deferred to for any choices. In bed with the wife I’m always in control. She never initiates and is the sub.

Sometimes it’s nice to not be in charge for once. Give up control. Do what I’m told. To not know what’s coming up next. So when I choose a provider I lean toward those who will take the lead more than not. It’s almost like a little vacation from myself, for an hour or 2 or 3 at least.

If being blindfolded, handcuffed, and pegged while she’s kissing and nibbling on my neck or ears or such makes me less a man in today’s society then so be it. I’m comfortable in my life and with who I am.

I am definitely a switch I can be your submissive playmate to tie up and use or I can dominate you as far as you are willing to go. With my wide array of toys and restraints, which include a strap-on, so I think if anyone wants to explore with me I am able to go as far as we would like. With this said I like both sides of this issue. I like a man that will take charge and tell me what he wants and make me please him but I also like a man that will let me have some control. It can also be rather enjoyable to have a little of both during your playtime together when it starts as one being the more dominate and then the other taking control. I don't know how the younger ladies feel about this but I am one of the older ladies here at 48 and that is my thoughts for what they are worth.

In the words of Meek Mill "there's levels to this shit".
Imho there's no one size fits all. Some prefer light dominance some prefer medium, some prefer a very strong hand. What has surprised me are the ones that had a Gothic look that only wanted it light, if any, and the pretty, soft spoken, and articulate wanted a strong hand. Originally Posted by drsmooth1

I agree with you there are different level to this and if you do it right and play off the responses of the person you are with it can be completely enjoyable for both parties.

I have always been very curious in this realm, but as an everyday dominant individual, it scares me.