When does it go away?

I'm talking about the desire to meet the lady's needs.

Was gonna post this in the mens forum, but thought some of the ladies might have some good input.

Keep in mind that I've been in the hobby less than 2 years. 30+ years of marriage before that.

Ladies first. Always make sure the lady has a good time. See to her needs. It's how I was raised. How I've lived. What I lack in equipment and skill, I've always been able to overcome with enthusiasm and effort. I want to please as well as be pleased.

Now, I'm the customer, rather than the partner.

Pity the poor provider who sees me. She's seen more pricks than a porcupines back. Its the end of a long day at the end of a long week. She's thinkin' "if I hafta look at one more dick today, I'm gonna scream." And then 'ol smilin' grits knocks on her door. And he's here to please!

What we have here is a clash of paradigms.....and I'm finding it hard to abandon mine.

How long does it take?

FWIW, it's never gone away for me, and I don't want it to! Yeah, I can lay back and do nothing and get pleasured, but the first time I heard and felt a female orgasm I was totally hooked and to this day enjoy nothing more. But that's just me.... I sense that most ladies appreciate that, as opposed to "seeing another dick" , maybe it's refreshing to see those of us who care more about getting them off...maybe ???

I'm talking about the desire to meet the lady's needs.

Was gonna post this in the mens forum, but thought some of the ladies might have some good input.

Keep in mind that I've been in the hobby less than 2 years. 30+ years of marriage before that.

Ladies first. Always make sure the lady has a good time. See to her needs. It's how I was raised. How I've lived. What I lack in equipment and skill, I've always been able to overcome with enthusiasm and effort. I want to please as well as be pleased.

Now, I'm the customer, rather than the partner.

Pity the poor provider who sees me. She's seen more pricks than a porcupines back. Its the end of a long day at the end of a long week. She's thinkin' "if I hafta look at one more dick today, I'm gonna scream." And then 'ol smilin' grits knocks on her door. And he's here to please!

What we have here is a clash of paradigms.....and I'm finding it hard to abandon mine.

How long does it take? Originally Posted by hgritstoo

Grits - I agree with Putz. Why should your desire to please have to go away just because there is a financial transaction involved? And isn't marriage the ultimate financial transaction lol!

Just because you are paying for a lady's time doesn't mean you have to turn it into an "it's all about me" kind of deal. Nothing turns me on more than to see the lady I'm with enjoying herself and really getting into a session. A gal who approaches a session with an "it's time to make the doughnuts" attitude isn't much fun and usually doesn't get my repeat business.

Or maybe I am not interpreting your question correctly.

BOAT, bout another thousand. After you leave ten of your friends behind, 10 Bens, then I think that you start to realize that this is a hobby and not a form or speed dating.

I am not abusive or mean or condescending. I always treat ladies with respect but I am not interested in whether the lady I meet came or not. My friends Benjamin and Andrew remain behind to ensure that this lady is happy. That is their job not mine.

When I receive a massage, I don't offer the masseuse a massage. I chat with the masseuse, I thank he/her for their time and comment on how much better I feel after the session. The masseuse may ask what I like or where I have been stressed and she may focus on that area. That is great. But at the end of the session, I plan to feel better. I hope that the masseuse tells other people that I am a good client. I want to be known as kind, respectful and courteous but... beyond that.

And with the masseuse, I want to ensure that I am clean and presentable. Perhaps a slight amount of cologne but nothing obnoxious. We will spend a brief and somewhat intense amount of time together. I want it to be enjoyable for the masseuse but it does not need to be pleasurable.

LOL.......I guess you all need to go to youtube and refresh your memory. Watch the fake orgasm scene from "When Harry Met Sally."

It's not that I want to lose my desire to please the lady. I think what I'm struggling with is the clash of paradigms and asking when I'll be able to accept it.

In a "civillian" encounter, the odds are much higher the lady is there because she is attracted to me. This psychological component increases the odds that both parties will derive pleasure from the experience.

As a customer, the equation changes. The provider is less likely to be stimulated by my Johnson than she is my Jackson, Grant, or Franklin. This is one of the reasons I tip.....lol....I'll try anything to hear that little gasp of pleasure.

Is this making any sense?

I've been asked by providers, what do you like to do? I have replied in most cases, what you enjoy doing. Have given alot of ladies massages and all to this day have said they enjoyed it. It also seems to relax them so the rest of the session goes very well. I don't plan on stopping trying to give the provider some pleasure if she will accept it.

I follow the same notion that grits and a couple others have. Frankly, if all I want to do is lose a nut, I can do that at home, and save myself the money. But I feel that part of the "pleasure" in the entire "encounter" derives from the chemistry and a provider's pleasure will definitely play into that.

On the other hand, Strawberry brings up a great point too. As I tell my friends Andy and Ben "goodbye," I need to know ultimately that my money has been spent well.

I think it's telling that none of the ladies have elected to respond. LOL

Here's my 2 cents Grits, for what they're worth.

The nature of the beast is different in the hobby than in civie relationships, perhaps moreso for the ladies than the gents simply because of the relative number of encounters each experiences. The guys are there to satisfy whatever need it is they want fulfilled - companionship, closeness, a non-solo nut - and then be able to leave (and possibly forget) without regret. For you, part of that desire is to pleasure your partner - good on you for that - imho. I'm sure most, if not all of the ladies, especially if they are GFE providers, somehow express appreciation for your efforts. If they didn't they wouldn't be living up their end of the bargain - regardless of how effective you were in actually giving them pleasure. For them (the ladies) it's all ABOUT YOU and what YOU want...and receiving their fee (plus a tip if you're so inclined). Unlike your civie partner they don't want to you to call them to discuss your day, the big account you landed, or that your dog died. They may not tell you that, but it is more often than not the truth. I'm not saying the ladies don't value us and enjoy our company (for the most part at least). So - don't worry about how long you hang onto the notion that you should please your partner. So long as you're on time, clean, respectful and armed with her fee you'll be pleasing her.

There's more than one way to please a woman.

Makes all the sense in the world to me, but I still say, for me, the more the lady enjoys, or can convince me she enjoys, the better it is for me. Again, that's me....I get more turned on by a lady cumming than anything. I maybe get faked out sometimes, but think I can tell when they really get off...Hell, I'd be willing to pay by the orgasm (theirs not mine)

LOL.......I guess you all need to go to youtube and refresh your memory. Watch the fake orgasm scene from "When Harry Met Sally."

It's not that I want to lose my desire to please the lady. I think what I'm struggling with is the clash of paradigms and asking when I'll be able to accept it.

In a "civillian" encounter, the odds are much higher the lady is there because she is attracted to me. This psychological component increases the odds that both parties will derive pleasure from the experience.

As a customer, the equation changes. The provider is less likely to be stimulated by my Johnson than she is my Jackson, Grant, or Franklin. This is one of the reasons I tip.....lol....I'll try anything to hear that little gasp of pleasure.

Is this making any sense? Originally Posted by hgritstoo

I think that the risk that we run is trying to determine if one option is better than another. To me it is like breasts, I have a buddy in the hobby who likes his ladies to have an athletic look - to me they look like boys - no boobs.

http://www.gagbay.com/images/2012/10...his-161181.jpg

As for me, motorboating is something that you can do all year round in Nebraska.

Can I ever convince my buddy that bigger is better? Nope. Can he ever convince me that pursuing providers that look like young boys is fun? Not in your life. But it is what each of us like. If your fantasy is to make a lady flip on her head - get after it. If I like to flip when a lady is giving - all the better for me ;-)

My job is to fulfill your fantasy and make sure you're happy when you walk out the door. If it happens that the gent is really into pleasing me, that makes it all that much better for me. I will say this much, when a gent just wants me to take care of him and there's no attention paid to me whatsoever, don't be surprised when I pull the lube out and use it. When a gent makes sure I'm pleased, I'll soak him and be more rambunkish.

It all comes down to this......do what makes YOU happy. Who cares what others think, they're not paying your bills nor are they picking up the tab when you visit a lady. Your money, your time, your wants and your desires.

It all comes down to this......do what makes YOU happy. Who cares what others think, they're not paying your bills nor are they picking up the tab when you visit a lady. Your money, your time, your wants and your desires. Originally Posted by MsElena

That is so true. I also think it is important just to treat the other person with respect. Doesn't really matter if it is the check out person at the grocery store, the cute waitress at the dinner, or a provider.

That goes without saying FS.