Stupid Jokes Thread

Thought I would inject some humor around this place (as opposed to the drama) for a change.

Feel free to post your favorite stupid joke in this thread. It can be funny, sad, sorry, a pun or just plain bad. Just no drama please.... LOL.

So why could the kids not get into the pirate movie by themselves?

Because is was rated ARRRRRRHHH!

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?



Shine a flashlight in her ear.

LOL!

What did the blonde do when her laptop computer froze?




She put it in the microwave on defrost setting.

why are women like floor tile?
lay them right the 1st time, you can walk all over them

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and prompty slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies. "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she is pregnant.

LOL!

How did the hobbyist lose his ATF?

He forgot where he laid her........(forgot where he layed her.....)

Boy 1: Why did you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Because my mom said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!

4 types of SEX

House Sex. When you're newly married and have sex in every room in the house.


Bedroom Sex. After you've been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.


Hall Sex. After you've been married for many years, you pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU".


Courtroom Sex. When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in divorce court in front of everyone for every penny that you've got.

What did the penis say to the condom?


"Cover me I'm going in!"

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I don’t know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and...
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. "

What the difference between a penis and a bonus?



Your wife will always blow your bonus!