99 THINGS MEN WISH GIRLS KNEW- Part 1

Here you go ladies,

1. We aren't mind readers.
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question.
7. "Fine" or "whatever" is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If you want sex, just ask.
9. Don't expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. It's not reality!
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
12. You don't need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
13. Naked is always good so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you've ever dealt with.
17. If we're not getting love we'll start looking!
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won't consider it cheating. Actually we strongly encourage it.
21. Your hair is like 14+ inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. You shouldn't be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is friction.
23. Watching porn is like breathing - it would impossible to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can't explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn't your parents teach you not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don't mind going to faggy romcom movies with you but don't tell our friends.
30. You can't hold it against us if we cry after our favorite sports teams loses or whenever a dog dies in a movie.
31. "The game is on" is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You're probably not as funny as you think.

Part 2

34. Brad Pitt/Channing Tatum/ Liam Hemsworth are probably cool guys but if I hear one more girl say "he's so hot" he/they may have to die!
35. Your period should be referred to as 'Blowjob Week'.
36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. Don't get mad if we refuse to hook up your "ugly friend" with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and probably have a stash of your naked pics.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
42. Whipped cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream. Also mints just don't make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control.
44. The only thing left to be said after sex is "goodnight".
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events.
48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don't make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn't mean to upset you!
51. Give me my space. I am not going to voice everything I feel. I do better working things out on my own sometimes.
52. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
53. Admit it, you CAN be wrong.
54. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
55. Don't read too much into what I say.
56. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
57. Keep the past in the past. I don't judge you for your past, don't judge me for mine.
58. Shopping is not a sport.
59. Be on time. Please for the love of GOD be on time.
60. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
61. You have enough clothes.
62. You have too many shoes.
63. The only time I want to hear about your period is if it is on time.
64. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
65. Ponytails are hot. End of story.
66. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Lmao

67. You don't have to order a salad on our date. We won't think you're fat for ordering a burger.
68. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss occasionally.
69. Don't listen to ANYTHING my friends say. Because chances are, they're either a) making it up b) made me do it or c) think they are incredibly funny.
70. Don't blame us for not knowing something you expected us to know without telling us.
71. My "bromances" allow me to fully enjoy you, so let me enjoy them.
72. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
73. No shave November NEVER applies to you.
74. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
75. I have not thought about marriage. Not because it doesn't interest me, but because my mind doesn't work like that.
76. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
77. If I hesitate for any length of time, I probably wasn't listening.
78. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
79. Don't expect me to know the difference between different types of clothing. A dress is a dress, pants are pants, and a shirt is a shirt. Hot or not is my philosophy.
80. Your mum or sister doesn't have to be our best friend.
81. Boobs are like pillows from God. You may have them, but you do not understand them.
82. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
83. You don't have to like everything I do. Let's share the things we like together and enjoy the other things we like apart.
84. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are.
85. I don't watch romance movies. I won't chase after you, I will just assume that you need your space.
86. Remember when it comes to makeup; less is more.
87. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
88. Teeth aren't okay. EVER.
89. You don't have to know everything about sports if you don't want to. I like explaining things to you.
90. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
91. Gossip Girl is great, but I'll stick with my Xbox.
92. Guys are competitive; if you win at something, don't rub it in. We won't take it easily.
93. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
94. I'm sure your ex is great, but I don't ever want to hear about him.
95. Please learn how to handle your alcohol.
96. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
97. Keep your hair out of my mouth and out of my shower.
98. Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
99. Feel free to praise us for everything we do for you. A BJ will usually suffice.

I gotta disagree with 76. My ex would always have me cook on the grill after I would make him light it. LOL. Old fashioned charcoal grills are better than gas.
As for 88, some guys like to be nibbled on - nipples, ears and neck...