How 2.0 - Help me be a better hobbier

someone help me brush up on my etiquette. another thread and my post in that thread made me think of a challenge i've run into before.

[ame="http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=12995"]http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=12995[/ame]

http://www.redtube.com/26284

notice how she puts her hands behind her back naturally and how when he lets her breathe she smiles at the camera! I only know of one girl (Lissa Tai) and I can't get a hold of her. Originally Posted by TaylorMaiden29

does anyone really do that? hell, how do you even ask if that is on the menu without whispering while starring at your shoes and kicking rocks? Originally Posted by stretchtexas

let's say one has a particular fetish that requires preparation prior to a date. for the sake of this thread (ok that BS, its because i want to know) let's say the hobbier would like a golden shower.

the provider's website and/or ad suggests they provide fetish services but they also suggest that they should not be contacted asking specific questions about the services they offer. Typically the provider will go on to say that these kinds of specific questions will not be discussed nor tolerated (prior to meeting at a minimum).

by not asking before scheduling 1. the service i'm interested in may not be available 2. the provider may not be able to perform the service (usually because they've just 'gone' getting ready for the appointment).

on the other hand 1. by asking before scheduling i've violated their terms of service and run the risk of being disconnected (rudely as it happened before) 2. or i'm all of a sudden the rude guy they tell all their friends not to communicate with.

so my question is: what is the appropriate way to ask a somewhat specific and necessary question of a provider who has said they won't discuss specifics?

1. "Would you give me....." would seem too me/you, date specific
2. "Have you ever....." a little better but still specific to the provider
3. "How do you feel about....." seems to be more of an opinion seeking question and maybe appropriate
4. "What are your thoughts on......" along the same line as 3

anyway, what is the most non-threatening, non-insulting, discrete way to ask something of this nature?

Stretch,
I typically start my contact with a lady through PM's. "Call" She does not know you and will be reluctant to discuss certain activities. Using a PM allows both of you time to do research, the subject may be broached after you get comfortable (warm fuzzy feeling) with asking, she may actually ask you. Be aware some ladies are not big PM responders , don't take offense. Take your time.
Metal Smith

Screen first. Ask questions later.

gfe

Screen first. Ask questions later. Originally Posted by gfejunkie

This is the route that I would probably take. Although I personally would probably go so far as to see the provider once for just a standard session and ask all my kinky questions at the end.

Or you could be on the sly about it:

"Hello, I'd like to set up an appoint... Wait... Aw, crap! Sorry, I was walking down the street and some dude just peed on me! How would you feel if you were in my situation?"

Hmmmm. You are in a difficult situation. You are right-a lot of times ladies will not discuss in detail specific activities. Is the golden shower a make or break it with you about the provider you have in mind? If it's specifically a golden shower that you seek-maybe you could post an ISO and let some ladies privately respond to you that offer this service. That could save you the worry of all the possibilities you have mentioned. There are ladies out there that do offer what you're looking for. Good luck to you and your search =)

Not a make it or break it type thing and frankly pretty infrequent. Just something I was never really sure how to get around. The MO of a vanilla visit to establish a relationship/trust is a good thought.

The MO of a vanilla visit to establish a relationship/trust is a good thought. Originally Posted by stretchtexas

So much more can come after that first visit establishes a certain degree of trust.

I have to agree with Ella and Shmafty. I would see the lady first on a "vanilla" appointment and would ask her after that session if there was anything else available.

I think the best piece of advice has already been stated -- save the kinkier things for a follow-up session. Consider going in for a shorter session if that's available, if you are worried about the financial strain. Even if you are both into the kink, y'all might lack the spark that makes all of that stuff so fun, so an ice-breaker session would ensure that your next date will be all the more fun.

If you want to jump to it during a first session just make sure you're screened first (and it probably helps if you have actual provider references). As long as you're a gentleman about asking and cite your source for how you know she's interested in something (GS, greek, strap-on play, stockings, etc) and you are screened, she usually won't get too defensive.

Several girls even ask you if you have any special preferences for her when she's setting the date, so speak up! Believe me, we've all been asked to do things that were never on the menu and have probably had kinkier requests than what you're imagining. Worst case scenario is that your first option will say no, and you can move on to other, more compatible options, or just have a more vanilla session. I had a guy read that I offered GS and then asked to tie me up to a toilet and drag me around the room by a leash. I denied the appointment request after that, but I'm sure he kept going down his email list. If you really really really want to see just this one girl, then just invest in a quickie, first

Example:
Dear Provider,
Thanks for getting back to me! I'm glad that you were able to complete my screening and I can't wait to see you next Tuesday morning. I was very interested in a review of yours last week by JoeBlow3 and wanted to let you know that I was hoping to have a similar session that includes ______. Your website stated that you appreciated prior notice for such activities, so I wanted to let you know. I understand if this is not available, but I wanted to give you as much notice as possible.

I look forward to meeting you and will confirm again on Monday!

good advices. thanks to all.