Why do those with wives/S.O.'s hobby?

It was suggested I start a new thread on this topic rather than hijack another thread...so, here goes....

Why do those hobbiest's here hobby rather than focus their efforts on their wives/so's? Oh, I know some have medical reasons that they proclaim prevents them from having a serious, sexual relationship with those they say they love till death do them part. But why do most of the committed relationship men hobby for sexual gratification?

In light of the recent *alert* thread post about the scorned wife, honestly, is it that hobbying is easier than working towards a committed personal relationhip?

I actually can't relate as prior to my late wife she shared my carnal desires and we soutght and spent many a night with like minded others. SO, the researcher in me is really curious....

It was suggested I start a new thread on this topic rather than hijack another thread...so, here goes....

But why do most of the committed relationship men hobby for sexual gratification?

.... Originally Posted by dammit

Marriage goes against our primal nature which is to fuck as much as possible with as many people as possible to spread the seed around....

seriously? after over 4000 years of changes in our environment (not evolution, but oh, say development such as moving from hunter/gatherers to industrial/technological people) people will maintain its a primal thing? Not arguing one way or the other, but then, how does 2000 years of religion fit in to that...?? Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife and all? And, given the current overpopulation of the earth, are we more like a virus than a mammal?

I'm not arguing one way or the other...I'm just really curious as to why those with wive/so or husband/so hobby...and if its primal, why do everything possible to prevent breeding versus just practicing breeding?

Why do attractive men who get laid elsewhere with ease hobby?
Why do men with sexual dysfunctions hobby?
Why do men who hobby waste money on strippers who don't put out?
Why do men who are actively cheating still decide to get married?
Why do men cheat?
Why do men get married?
Why do you think someone here will have a good answer for you?

We all rationalize our actions in one way or another, and still some of us continue to let our impulses drive our actions even when we have rationalized that what we are doing is a destructive and foolish thing. I feel sorry for those people, but obviously there are many around these parts who live in a constant state of fear and guilt. Everyone here is a social deviant in one way or another and it is no easier for a married man to openly explain his reasoning on a level that satisfies you as it would be for you to explain your hobbying to the average person walking down the street in a way that would satisfy the stranger.

From the explanations that I've often heard, several married men view hobbying as a safe way of cheating. The girls (generally) don't get attached and the boys don't have to risk trolling around at bars and investing that sort of time and energy into all of it. Some marriages aren't the normal sex/intimacy/partnership thing and that's alright. If it weren't for all of those married men, there'd be fewer women around for you to poke and fewer reviews to assist you in your vetting. Don't go too hard on the guys!

Why do you think someone here will have a good answer for you?

We all rationalize our actions in one way or another, and still some of us continue to let our impulses drive our actions even when we have rationalized that what we are doing is a destructive and foolish thing.

I feel sorry for those people, but obviously there are many around these parts who live in a constant state of fear and guilt. Everyone here is a social deviant in one way or another and it is no easier for a married man to openly explain his reasoning on a level that satisfies you as it would be for you to explain your hobbying to the average person walking down the street in a way that would satisfy the stranger.
Originally Posted by JennsLolli

That is an extremely solid and well founded response to the OPs question......

I can't always explain why I do what I do..... I do know I have invested tremendous time and energy into the marriage and the results are not what I want them to be.

I've questioned at times if I was a Sex Addict.....

but it isn't always about the sex for me......

often it's a lot more about the chase.....

I rarely pick up the phone and order take-out from some agency or Indy.... occasionally but not often.....

I hobby quite a bit differently most of the time...

I like the chase.... the hunt..... I like to be first.......

I set my sights on a new waitress of dancer and want to be the guy that gets them across that line....

Knowing they are going to cross it provides a lot of satisfaction and culminating the chase with the actual event is something like a hunter making a kill I think..... or a salesman that gets that instant gratification from closing a sale and has to go right back out for the next customer... I've never hunted but I have sold.....

Sometimes it's the sex... sometimes it's the chase....

Sometimes it's just the opportunity to go there.....

Probably not what you want to hear..... But none of those feelings.... the chase.. the conquering... the kill..... None of those can be recreated in the marriage......

But I doubt any explanation to you can be accepted by you.... You have something else going on that makes you ask.

To fill a need. Either or both physically and emotionally that isn't available in their "other relationship". Intimacy and a felt connection whether real or imagined is a very powerful motivator.
Tess

Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife Originally Posted by dammit

None of you are my neighbors wife...........Vikki L hit the nail on the head.

Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can.

To fill a need. Either or both physically and emotionally that isn't available in their "other relationship". Intimacy and a felt connection whether real or imagined is a very powerful motivator.
Tess Originally Posted by Topshelf Tess

Tess - so intuitive + 1

It's interesting to note that its assumed anyone who hobbies while in a relationship doesn't work on that relationship or invest energy into it. I guess some notions are just pre-conceived without any real basis in knowledge of the situation of others.

From my vantage point, I see two things about motivations:
1. Generally: People in relationships hobby for the same reasons a single person hobbies. I think if you polled members belonging to each group on the reasons they hobbies, you'd see the same list for both.
2. Personally: Everyone hobbies for their OWN reason which is personal and need not be justified. Your motivation is likely different than mine, but mine is no less valid, and never needs to be justified whether I am in a relationship or not.

Onceler
...neither here nor there...

Or, here's a thought, It's just plain fun. No other motives. When I hobby, it usually includes my S.O. and if she's not there, she certainly has knowledge of the event and cheerfully condones it. We both enjoy the play, the variety and the fun of meeting and playing with something new. Sometimes it's just that simple.
IT"S FUN!!!
Don't make it so complicated.

I know some guys here have a "bucket list" (or as I call it, the "fuck it list") of things they always wanted to try but never got around to doing when they were young and single. Things like threesomes or interracial sex. And then there are things the SO might not do like anal or even BJs. Or maybe you just want variety.

Personally I feel hobbying has helped my sex life at home by making me more interested in sex and more willing to try new things. and while my wife says she is "open minded" about sex I don't think she is quite THAT open minded, so the hobbying will remain secret and infrequent.

Every once in a while we need to make a new deposit in the spank bank rolodex instead of recycling our college days.

I cheated on every partner I have ever had. Now I just live honestly and poly-amorously. "Many Loves". It means having multiple commited relationships with people you are mutally in love with, and everyone wants it to be that way.

There are some of you boys who are smiling as you have told me that you love me and I love you too.

I have a real hard time with monogomy, too. We are not naturally programmed for it. It's quite the opposite, imo, I believe we are "hard-wired" to "live and procreate". It's also a huge thrill and fuels my fantasies and provides an outlet for them. I also "get off" on indulging others fantasies. Maybe I'm really a man inside-I LOVE POPPING CHERRIES!! Like, with greek, or doubles, or a fetish. I keep my feelings and thinking about this lifestyle light-heartedly and just have fun exploiting my lust and the hedonistic side of me. Sexual healing is good for the mind, body and soul. I think it gets complicated if you analyze too much or over think it.