All time greatest missing work excuses

As a manager for a company I used to work for that has since gone out of business, I heard one of the all time greatest excuses to call off work. This guy called up with a new excuse every time he needed to miss work. The most outlandish excuse he ever came up with was when he developed blisters on the bottom of his feet from chasing robbers that were vandalizing his boat. I mean really now...lol

Best one I have heard is when I worked in the command room for a call center. We had an employee that was abusing the bereavement policy...
Boss: "Shanaynay won't be in today."
Me: <sarcasticaly> "Why, did another relative die?"
Boss: <surprised> "Yes, her grandfather died."
Me: <checking records> "You know, that's the 5th grandparent she has lost in 7 weeks."
Boss: "You think she's lying?"
Me: Well, if I were you, I'd want to see a copy of the death certificate. I'm just saying..."