What's your weirdest/funniest/wildest experience in the hobby?

So, what's your weirdest, funniest, wildest, worst, etc hobby story?

I guess I've been lucky because nothing too bad has happened to me in the hobby. Some good sessions, a couple of crappy ones, and many so-so sessions. But my most memorable experience goes back 6 or 7 years when I was still fairly new to the hobby. I had been seeing an UTR for a little while, and she moved around frequently and seldom had a running vehicle.

So she calls me from east Houston, which I am not familiar with, and wants me to meet her at her place. But she doesn't know the street or address--she gives me directions to a truck stop nearby and says to call her from there and she will guide me to her place. I get to the truck stop ok and figure I'll take a piss while I'm there. The place is kind of a dump, and when I ask about a restroom they direct me to the back. I wander through a shabby, cluttered warehouse room and eventually find the restroom and it is an absolutely filthy, disgusting shithole, much like the toilet in Trainspotting if anyone remembers that film. I'm standing there taking a leak and musing to myself that this hobby has truly brought me to places I would have NEVER gone on my own.

But it gets better. I finish up and call her, she leads me through a very rough neighborhood to her place, and by all appearances it is an abandoned house that she is squatting in! She's standing in the doorway waving to me and as I pull in I notice a group of sullen, angry-looking teens hanging out at the house across the street. Horndog that I was I went through with the session anyway. When I walked outside to leave I saw a cop car sitting at the end of the street and was actually thankful. I was more concerned about getting jumped than getting busted at that point. I lost touch with her soon afterwards, but I often look back on that escapade and marvel at what the hell I was thinking at the time. Since then I have vowed to be, and have been, much more careful in my hobbying activities.

Many years ago, back in Washington, DC, I had sex with a massage parlor girl, who was very attractive. A few days later, I was hanging out with a friend at a strip club, and the same girl came out to dance. My friend and I were sitting right next to the stage, and he said (a little too loudly), "How would you like to get some of that ?". The girl smiled, leaned over the stage, and whispered to my friend, "He already did". My reputation was made (LOL) !

LS

New Orleans....spring of 2001.....me and a couple of buddies are there for a bachelor party.

One of them propositions a very good looking stripper from Rick's to go home with us, and she tells us that she'll do the 3 of us for $300. It was the second time I'd ever DPed a girl. It's a wonder we weren't kicked out of the Hilton for all the screaming, moaning, and yelling. I have no doubt that anyone within 3 floors could hear some very penetrative acts going on.

Her face looked like a glazed donut afterwards.

Would this thread include clowns, balloons, welding equipment, and the occassional gerbil?

Would this thread include clowns, balloons, welding equipment, and the occassional gerbil? Originally Posted by pyramider

If you have a story involving clowns, balloons, welding equipment and/or gerbils, and it's NOT your weirdest/funniest/wildest hobby experience, then I sure would like to hear what is.

i was with a regular Client, We were leaving and the couple in the room next to us the guy stormed to his car naked, while the girl stood at the door and giggled also naked. i blushed face scarlet red and turned my head. My client laughed at the thought of me being modest. Another time i was doing the school girl act and showed up at like 9 am w a tiny plaid skirt white shirt, white thigh highs and pig tails, and this guy tripped on the stairs trying to stare at me, lol. i guess it is kinda a shock to see that now, lol.

If you have a story involving clowns, balloons, welding equipment and/or gerbils, and it's NOT your weirdest/funniest/wildest hobby experience, then I sure would like to hear what is. Originally Posted by Cousin Dupree

Just google it.

Many years ago, back in Washington, DC, I had sex with a massage parlor girl, who was very attractive. A few days later, I was hanging out with a friend at a strip club, and the same girl came out to dance. My friend and I were sitting right next to the stage, and he said (a little too loudly), "How would you like to get some of that ?". The girl smiled, leaned over the stage, and whispered to my friend, "He already did". My reputation was made (LOL) !
LS Originally Posted by LittleSpike

WOW! A DC MP gal that speeks enlish.

A few years ago in the whiskey laden darkness of the library at the Pirate Ship, I was receiving an excellent dance from one of my favorite ladies. My legs were splayed and she did the shin to thigh, perch on my lap, let's get close manuver. There was this loud RRRRIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!! as the crotch of my pants ripped open. Since I was in commando mode my junk was exposed to the atmosphere. My lady was simultaneously freaking out ("OMG, what did I do? How are you going to explain THIS? OMG) and laughing her ass off.

I calmly told her that I really didn't like that pair of pants anyway and that I had my gentleman's club gym bag in the car - extra change of clothes, baby wipes "Glitter and Mascara Be Gone"), and my gym card/apparel should I really reek of perfume, sweat and bodily fluids and need to go to any of several conveniently located 24F's.

She then assessed the damage to my nether regions with her hands, face and lips with no danger of zipper nicks to either of us!

After we were done, she dove into her stripper bag containing the required baby wipes ("Jizz Be Gone"), anti-bacterial hand lotion, condoms and safety pins for costume malfunctions. Temporary repairs were carefully effected with safey pins and I left the club wearing my sweater foppishly around my waist.

The moral of this story is: Don't cry over your ripped pants, an new hole in your pants is a chance to strengthen old friendships!

Corollary: Never leave home without your emergency gym bag.

Back when they still let me drive, I was going to see my regular Asian massage woman. It was dark and starting to rain, I pulled around to the back of her house like I always did... and mused... wow... she finally tore down that old dilapidated garage. I knocked on the backdoor (of the house...) and a Chinese woman I had never seen before, clutching the top of her bathrobe to keep it closed , opened the door... gave me a confused look and asked , "What you want..." I thought hmmm ... must be their new screening method ... being a regular I thought ... Ok, fine...anything to get in out of the rain... I told her why I was there... she looked at me for a moment... said ... "I busy right now... you go next door ... and then she closed the door". I got back in my car with my lower lip poked out thinking .."but damn I always tipped well..." and thought what the hell I'll take my bruised ego and try out next door.... I pulled around the house next door and mused...hmmm... that looks just like the dilapidated old garage I'm used to parking next to... I knocked on the door and my "regular Asian massage lady" answered the door...(no... they hadn't moved... )

Funny story TMFT. Are they located on R @ G ?

Do emails from prospective clients count? There are times when I want to respond to some requests "Sure!" but I doubt most of them are serious, I think they're just jerking off while they type it knowing they've sent an email that will be read by someone out there. It is similar to a flasher. There is the guy that sends long emails about watching me get fucked by an effeminate hispanic male, then there is the man that wants me to cut his wife's hair and then there is the guy that just wants to get on the phone with a girl and say "release" at you once you're on the phone.

Ender's Funniest Hobbying Experience

For those sans-premium, the gist of the story is that not only was she bat-shit crazy, OTR, and fresh off a tit biopsy, but she also left her "feminine napkin" in my tub. Direct quote: "I only give blowjobs on Venus."

Not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to know the story!