You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
You thought “Californication” would be banned by Amendment 2.
You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald’s in Vail.
You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.
You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care.
You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.
You’ve never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.
You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.
You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.
Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ.
Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.
The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You personally wouldn’t pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.
You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.
You wear the latest fashions a year after they went out of style.
You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
North means “mountains to the left;” south is “mountains to the right;” and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.
You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.
You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.
You think gun control is not dropping it.
Your bridal registry is at REI.
You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.
You’ve ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.
Shaving your legs and other body parts is actually optional and frowned upon in Telluride.
Birkenstocks can be worn year round, just add socks after frostbite.
