Calories burned during sex..................

I found this on another board and thought it was cute......

Quoted--

Calories Burned During Sex:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... ..........12 Calories
Without her consent....................... ....2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands......................... ......... 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... ..........12 Calories
With your teeth......................... ........485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...................... ............6 Calories
Without an erection...................... .....3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.................... ...............12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... .....78 Calories
69 standing up............................ ..812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................... .............216 Calories
Doggy Style......................... .........326 Calories
Italian chandelier.................... ......2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real.......................... ..............112 Calories
Fake.......................... ................1,31 5 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging....................... ......18 Calories
Getting up immediately................... ......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years......................... .............36 Calories
30-39 years......................... .............80 Calories
40-49 years......................... ............124 Calories
50-59 years......................... ..........1,972 Calories
60-69 years......................... ..........7,916 Calories *****
70 and over........................Re sults are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly........................ ..................32 Calories
In a hurry......................... ..............98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door......8,775 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

Results may vary.

Unquoted

I found this on another board and thought it was cute......

Quoted--
TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES:
Without her consent....................... ....2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With your teeth......................... ........485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
Without an erection...................... .....3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Italian chandelier.................... ......2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Fake.......................... ................1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
60-69 years......................... ..........7,916 Calories *****

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

Results may vary.

Unquoted Originally Posted by DallasRain

I want to get the most out of it. At my age, I can rip off her clothes, take off her bra with my dentures (in place of course), get a condom on w/o an erection (normal course of events LOL), since I don't have an erection I'll have to fake an orgasm, there's no listing for "faking a second erection," but I can arrange to dress while my wife is at the door.

My only question: What in the hell is an Italian chandelier? I do want to burn the most calories I can.

This needs more investigation. Anyone know where I can apply for a research grant?

Man lies flat on his back, his knees bent with the balls of his feet flat on the bed. Woman will straddle him facing his feet so that she is in a reverse cowgirl position but instead of sitting straight up she is now going to lie back on top of him. Now get into a crab-like position where her legs are outside his and her arms are on either side of him supporting her back up off his chest. So now, as well as it being reverse cowgirl-like it’s also a rear entry position.

found on the interweb. . . otherwise known as the largest virtual sexual experience ever.

Looks like a lot of calories burned for 3.6 seconds of activity.

Looks like a lot of calories burned for 3.6 seconds of activity. Originally Posted by pyramider

It's how I keep my svelte figure. LOL

Feeling the mood......... 0 calories.

Finding Porn on the internet.......... 3 calories.

FInding a good site and jumping for joy, doing the I found good porn dance.... 31 calories.

Dropping pants to ground, still doing the dance, fall over bang my head on floor.........18 calories...

Crying, cussing and throwing pants across the room, thinking about burning them bc this is not the first time it has happened and u curse them bc u think they are going it on purpose.......85 calories..

calming down making sure ur head is not bleeding and checking the lil budha, bc u fell on him to full erect................ 17 calories

Trying to revive lil Budha.......... 3315 calories.

good to go now find the site, again bc u kicked the moniter off the desk in ur fall.........16 calories

cussing bc u forgot the lube on the other side of the temple. running to get it..................... 109 calories.

Back now lubing us and giving lil budha the attention he deserves......... 224 calories.

cleaning up and feeling pissed again and decide to burn pants...........3 calories.

burning pants doing a "I GOT U BASTARD DANCE"............. 154 calories.

SMiling for a good victory and a happy ending night (even tho it wasnt the way i wanted to end up......... Priceless.

awesome replies!!!

My only question: What in the hell is an Italian chandelier? I do want to burn the most calories I can. Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/chanposakait.html

A link to a video to show you how its done.

http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/chanposakait.html

A link to a video to show you how its done. Originally Posted by SweetKendall

Isn't that what porn is for?

http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/chanposakait.html

A link to a video to show you how its done. Originally Posted by SweetKendall

Cool!!! I think, though, my young days of doing this kind of activity are gone.