The threads about dating a provider

There have been several threads about the feasibility of dating a provider. I have a question for you guys - why do you want to date a provider? I have an SO, so dating ANYONE is out of the question. I guess the question is really- if you are interested in dating, why are you in the hobby and on this board? Why not date a woman who is not in the hobby and with whom you can have a complete relationship?

I am not trying to be disrespectful to either the guys who are asking these questions or the ladies, but it just doesn't make sense to me. There is an old saying that states that these gals are not paid for sex, they are paid to go away after sex!

I guess I just don't get it. If I were single I would NOT be here, I would be looking to meet women in other venues.

Charlie

I'll take a swing at this and answer your question from my perspective (since I can't speak for other guys). Its really threefold. One maybe I don't want an LTR with a woman. Maybe I see my other friends in disastrous, and toxic, relationships and I want to insulate myself from that. Maybe I like the variety of being with different women. Mayb e being with the same woman is boring. Second, honestly, what is the end game of dating a woman? To get her into bed (and then hope something more develops). And that is an iffy thing if you're just dating a woman. You spend money on dinner, clubs, etc, and there is still no guarantee that there is going to be any sex. At least with this hobby, it's a foregone conclusion. Lastly, if you're dating a woman, you have no idea if she even likes you. Maybe she is using the opportunity to take advantage of you, both financially and emotionally. With the hobby it's basically a business transaction. You know the providers are offering themselves up in exchange for money. No pretense here.

I don't think guys go into this seeking a LTR with a provider, it just kinda happens sometimes. Feelings get in the way, maybe they have a lot in common etc and it goes from there. Being a provider is what a lady does, that doesn't mean thats all she is. I wouldn't look down on a lady though because this is her profession.

I'll take a swing at this and answer your question from my perspective (since I can't speak for other guys). Its really threefold. One maybe I don't want an LTR with a woman. Maybe I see my other friends in disastrous, and toxic, relationships and I want to insulate myself from that. Maybe I like the variety of being with different women. Mayb e being with the same woman is boring. Second, honestly, what is the end game of dating a woman? To get her into bed (and then hope something more develops). And that is an iffy thing if you're just dating a woman. You spend money on dinner, clubs, etc, and there is still no guarantee that there is going to be any sex. At least with this hobby, it's a foregone conclusion. Lastly, if you're dating a woman, you have no idea if she even likes you. Maybe she is using the opportunity to take advantage of you, both financially and emotionally. With the hobby it's basically a business transaction. You know the providers are offering themselves up in exchange for money. No pretense here. Originally Posted by chuckinolathe

Chuck, I believe what Charlie was referring to was dating a provider in RL, not just why a person hobbies. Ken was right on track with his response, sometimes real feelings just happen, even when you had no intent for it to develop that way. At the end of the day, these ladies are real, living, breathing women with feelings and emotions just like anyone else. They are not fuck machines. They have personalities and intelligence and a sense of humor. Sometimes, what they are matches up with who you are and a relationship can develop. I don't think that most guys go into the hobby with the intent for that to occur, but sometimes, it just does. Again, Ken was correct.......this is what they do, not necessarily who they are. Some ladies get into the business because of sheer economics, it's their best option to make a good living for themselves, and perhaps, their children. Some, possible, just have extremely high libidos

first of all, I understand that the women (and guys!) are human beings with feelings and sometimes the feelings can come from both sides. I wasn't trying to degrade anyone - either the guys or the gals. I was just puzzled because it would seem to me that most guys have an SO and the hobby is just a way to get some variety. I did not think about single guys who had been burned in RL, or otherwise wanted to avoid a relationship. In that case, I could see a guy getting involved with a provider.

I guess I was kind of puzzled because there have been several threads about this and I thought that most of the guys in the hobby were definitely not in the market for a relationship because of other ties.

That being said, I have met several ladies in the hobby of whom I am very fond and who I care about. However, I have other commitments, so dating one of them would be out of the question.

Charlie

I guess I don't get the ongoing ruckus about "dating"...

Personally I have dated numerous providers and never had any real attachment or seperation issues...well except for once...lol

What don't y'all get about hourly or multi hour dates??
It is after all part of this lifestyle....

Chuck, I believe what Charlie was referring to was dating a provider in RL, not just why a person hobbies. Ken was right on track with his response, sometimes real feelings just happen, even when you had no intent for it to develop that way. At the end of the day, these ladies are real, living, breathing women with feelings and emotions just like anyone else. They are not fuck machines. They have personalities and intelligence and a sense of humor. Sometimes, what they are matches up with who you are and a relationship can develop. I don't think that most guys go into the hobby with the intent for that to occur, but sometimes, it just does. Again, Ken was correct.......this is what they do, not necessarily who they are. Some ladies get into the business because of sheer economics, it's their best option to make a good living for themselves, and perhaps, their children. Some, possible, just have extremely high libidos Originally Posted by stimulatethemind

Well said, i just didn't want to go into detail but this is what I was thinking. Well done.

With no disrespect to the ladies or men who may date them in RL, I have to say I don't get it and could never do it, how does it go? You and her have dinner at home like a normal couple, then she says 'I gotta go to work now baby, I'll see you later', so what do you say then? 'You have a great night at work honey, suck the hell out of that dick, wake me up when you get home so we can have a deep kiss'
To each their own, i couldn't do it, just my 2 pennies

... I wouldn't look down on a lady though because this is her profession. Originally Posted by KenMonk

Before I had ever tried hobbying I was guilty of looking down on any/all ladies in this profession. Having entered this hobby nearly 2yrs ago now, & having met several very interesting ladies, I have a completely different perspective on ladies in this profession. I definitely do NOT look down on them anymore. Of course there are some bad apples but I've only had the displeasure of meeting one so far. As far as dating a provider, that thought would have been a resounding HELL NO 2yrs ago. Now if the situation presented itself with the right lady I'd have to consider it. Don't know if I could handle it if she wanted to continue as a provider, would have to be in that situation to know I think.

With no disrespect to the ladies or men who may date them in RL, I have to say I don't get it and could never do it, how does it go? You and her have dinner at home like a normal couple, then she says 'I gotta go to work now baby, I'll see you later', so what do you say then? 'You have a great night at work honey, suck the hell out of that dick, wake me up when you get home so we can have a deep kiss'
To each their own, i couldn't do it, just my 2 pennies Originally Posted by buttmann

How is this any different than an "open" relationship, there are millions of people who have these relationships, or are part of the swingers lifestyle. There is a seperation between sex and love, some people are better able to seperate the two some cant. Those that can are able to have a relationship void of jealousy and distrust, those that cant well they will have a relationship filled with both. Its not for everyone, nor is swinging or "open" relationships. A wife or SO who is a provider will for the most part engage in the activities without any real threat of real time feelings occuring, but an open relationship or swinging relationship leave the door open. Lastly, it is easier to engage in this type of relationship when the SO is treated as a real partner in the relationship and not a possession. Those who have a jealous nature tend to think of these SO as a possession. My 2 cents, take it for what you want. I will tell you that a real time relationship with a provider is a very difficult road to travel.

Sometimes people click. Doesn't matter how you meet or where. As long as all parties are fine the arrangements, who cares? It is their business not ours.

In my experience, whenever you are not at all interested in a ltr, that is exactly when somebody comes along that you think is the exception to all tbe relationship problems you've ever had. Its uncanny. So I'm not surprised.

Everyone has their own sense of relationship values and needs. What doesnt work for you may be perfect for somwone else. I think its funny that some guys think its ok to screw around and go home and kiss their wife like its normal and yet judge a woman with multiple partners in a differt light. Dating isnt always about love, sometimes its just about the companionship that everyone needs to make it through life.

I have said for 30 years: "The only people that the relationship has to make sense to are the ones in it!"

Providers use to always ask me if I wanted a date.