And now the real answers from most of the ladies:
Kissing: ugh! only if I get to shut off my taste buds and shove a Listerine bottle down your throat.
Illusion of Passion: nothin' magical about me making your money go poof.
BBBJ: I want to bite it off, I want to bite it off. Oh, does it feel good for you, baby? More spit?
Russian: only if it involves a dancing bear from the former Soviet Union.
Anal: how about I shove my foot up your ass and you tell me how much you love it!?
Taking CIM: only if I get to throw/spit it back at you. Wait. Some of you pervs may like that. Pass me the catchers mask!
Taking COF: see CIM.
Taking COT: see CIM.
Allowing MSOG: why won't you just leave...!? I don't want to cuddle and bs with you.
Getting DATY: you really don't know what you're doing...do you? Pass me a book.
DATO: and you want to kiss me right afterwards. Uhhh...NO!
Body Rub: ugh! I don't know which roll to start with. Someone get me a crane to flip this bastard over.
Stripper Slide: that dick is not going near my vajayjay! You'll give me another $100? Oh, ok, cool.
BLS: only if you let me kick 'em afterwards. Wait...some of you pervs may like that (CBT weirdos!). Nevermind. Pass me the snorkel mask.
MPCFS: if I hop on top in cg, I can make him nut in seconds. If I do K9, I won't have to look at him. Hey baby, K9 is my favorite. Let's keep doing that...you're so good at it.
Water Sports: pee on you? But of course! No, I'll even do it for free!!
Toys: I'm not playing with your kung-fu grip G.I. Joe action figures!
Domination: I will be more than happy to beat the shit out of you.
Submission: <insert sarcasm> oh, yeah, I love it how you pull my hair, choke and slap the shit out me. What girl wouldn't?
BDSM: is that a new perfume by BCBG?
Bisexual Activities: cuckold anyone?