Restaurant Giveaway

Inspired by Lauren's "Hotel Giveaway" thread, I want to share a restaurant giveaway I witnessed.

My dinner partner and I were seated next to a table where a gentleman sat alone. When his date arrived, he stood up, gave her a kiss on the cheek and handed her a gift bag. She smiled, accepted it and sat down.

She didn't look inside the bag the entire time we were there.

Now the only reason a person doesn't look inside a gift bag is because she already knows what's inside.

Even if I can feel that the bag is too light to have a real gift, I peek inside (with my eyes, no hands) and say "Oh my favorite fragrance! You're so sweet," just as a little realistic detail.

probably another giveaway is if they never talked..then you know it wasnt a provider..just the wife..

So true. Would be, more than likely something she may wear later on....

I guess my experience has been that it never was necessary to actually give someone a gift bag (or worse an envelope) in a restaurant that contained the fee. I guess they extended my "credit line" at least until the room when a more appropriate exchange could be made.

I mean handing someone a giftbag containing a bunch of cash creates awkward situations. Do you take it to the powder room with you, if need be? It seems to me that is something you would leave at the table if you left for the powder room.

Do you take it to the powder room with you, if need be? It seems to me that is something you would leave at the table if you left for the powder room. Originally Posted by atlcomedy

Of course I take it with me. I need to ensure the appropriate amount is there at the beginning of the date. Wouldn't want there to be a misunderstanding later.

It's never raised any (obvious) eyebrows. It's not something civilians/anyone who has little knowledge of this world would ever take note of. But, yes, "Takes the gift bag to the powder room immediately after arriving" is a giveaway to those of us in the know. (Honey, was that you staring me down in Nobu the other night? )

Of course I take it with me. I need to ensure the appropriate amount is there at the beginning of the date. Wouldn't want there to be a misunderstanding later.

It's never raised any (obvious) eyebrows. It's not something civilians/anyone who has little knowledge of this world would ever take note of. But, yes, "Takes the gift bag to the powder room immediately after arriving" is a giveaway to those of us in the know. (Honey, was that you staring me down in Nobu the other night? ) Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

fair...

in this world there are "counters" & "non-counters" -- but I don't want to hijack the thread...

fair...

in this world there are "counters" & "non-counters" -- but I don't want to hijack the thread... Originally Posted by atlcomedy

Too late:

Really? I'm fascinated. I have absolutely no idea what the implications of that are.

I have never actually glanced at the amount until home, showered, and winding down. Sometimes not until the next day.

I have twice regretted it.

I still don't count, there's no real forethought or philosophy. It just feels comfortable and right to me.

I guess my experience has been that it never was necessary to actually give someone a gift bag (or worse an envelope) in a restaurant that contained the fee. I guess they extended my "credit line" at least until the room when a more appropriate exchange could be made. Originally Posted by atlcomedy

Most of the time I have already forwarded the fee. Otherwise this has been my experience as well

Too late:

Really? I'm fascinated. I have absolutely no idea what the implications of that are. Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Too late indeed!

Some believe that if the lady counts the money up front, she doesn't trust you, it ruins the illusion of passion/means she's businesslike, etc. I've read some clients' posts saying that they refuse to even give the money up front, primarily because they're afraid of being cash & dash'd.

Others recognize that a paid date is ultimately a business transaction, and that acknowledging that and ensuring that the amount paid is correct ruins no illusions, it's just good business practice.

And still others don't care either way.

I've only once had someone make a fuss over me being a counter. Turned out he didn't want me looking in the envelope for a reason.

Too late indeed!

Some believe that if the lady counts the money up front, she doesn't trust you, it ruins the illusion of passion/means she's businesslike, etc. I've read some clients' posts saying that they refuse to even give the money up front, primarily because they're afraid of being cash & dash'd.

Others recognize that a paid date is ultimately a business transaction, and that acknowledging that and ensuring that the amount paid is correct ruins no illusions, it's just good business practice.

And still others don't care either way.

I've only once had someone make a fuss over me being a counter. Turned out he didn't want me looking in the envelope for a reason. Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

With dereference to you Carrie or any other lady that may be a “counter”, I view it as crass to count, or thoroughly inspect, a “gift” you receive in front of me if I were your "date". I know the P4P world is different but in the real world, it is crass to speak about money or a gift that is cash or check beyond thanking the one responsible for the gift. I understand the reasoning behind counting since in P4P the "date" is a business transaction but there has to be a more non-obvious way to accomplish the task.

I think stepping into the ladies room, as was mentioned above, with a discreet secreting of the gift is a far better solution than just being right in someone's face about it but that is me.

With dereference to you Carrie or any other lady that may be a “counter”, I view it as crass to count, or thoroughly inspect, a “gift” you receive in front of me if I were your "date". ... I understand the reasoning behind counting since in P4P the "date" is a business transaction but there has to be a more non-obvious way to accomplish the task. Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

Oh, absolutely! I agree, and thank you for mentioning that -- it is definitely uncouth to count right in front of him. I think both the "paid" and the "date" aspects of the encounter should be respected. It's business, but it's not ALL business.

I have never actually glanced at the amount until home, showered, and winding down. Sometimes not until the next day.

I have twice regretted it.

I still don't count, there's no real forethought or philosophy. It just feels comfortable and right to me. Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Yeah, same here. Although to me it only happened once... But I have heard that a lot of ladies have been stiffed by someone they considered a regular before so it is a valid risk.

And yet, still don't count. I think I'd rather run the risk of being cheated again, of feeling used for a day or two... than switch into the mental state of potentially distrusting that slipping into the bathroom to count beforehand would require for me, on every single date. I am not saying that's how every lady feels about counting, just that I do have this hang up about it.

because they're afraid of being cash & dash'd. Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

Somehow out of the group here at D&T I don't think anyone is going to do run away with the fee. We understand this as a business arrangement, certainly one that is out of societal norms but none the less a biz deal. But if you ladies are shorted I cannot blame you for counting first (big bills or twenties? ). I would not be offended. Then we'd both be on the same page.

Yeah, same here. Although to me it only happened once... But I have heard that a lot of ladies have been stiffed by someone they considered a regular before so it is a valid risk.

And yet, still don't count. I think I'd rather run the risk of being cheated again, of feeling used for a day or two... than switch into the mental state of potentially distrusting that slipping into the bathroom to count beforehand would require for me, on every single date. I am not saying that's how every lady feels about counting, just that I do have this hang up about it. Originally Posted by Thais

That's the worst of it - Feeling vulnerable, taken advantage of. It really does leave you with an ugly, hurt feeling that's hard to shake for a while.

2 over 8 years, I don't think that's so bad. I want to trust them, and will risk being hurt. These days it's rare I get gifted the day of a date, usually several dates have been covered in advance. Only if the gents are new to my life do I have to concern myself with it. I have so gotten into the habit of not taking anything the day of the date I've nearly walked out without the white envelope a couple of times and had to be reminded LOL

I can't imagine being shorted by a regular. Unless it were an honest error, there would be no making up for it.

Somehow out of the group here at D&T I don't think anyone is going to do run away with the fee. Originally Posted by SR Only

It's a concern I've seen only expressed by gentlemen who are primarily interested in hourly or shorter arrangements. But since that sort of statement usually leads to popcorn being popped, I didn't include that detail.

(big bills or twenties?)

As long as I'm not having to cart it out in a wheelbarrow, I'm happy!