Many thought the virus originated in Monkies and was passed on to humans via infected bite.
Some thought it was a virus festering in the tepid jungle floor & given to humans through ingesting indigenous creatures that lived there.
But again, TNN's cracked out reporters have the exclusive unveiling tonight of WHERE & WHY the Ebola virus came to be.
EBOLA was not a naturally occurring, or even earthbound, pathogen. It was genetically engineered in an alien laboratory many, many light years away. It was brought back to us by a jaded alien, distraught that he was "sent away with nothing more than some goddamn flowers" over 30 years ago.
That's right, an E.T. bent on revenge made a planet killing virus in his image to wreck havoc on humanity.
Soon after leaving earth the first time, a pre pubescent E.T. returned to his world and began running with the wrong crowd. Seeking out E.T, Hoogars, Drugs & Parties, E.T quickly evolved to an Extraterrestrial Punk. E.T. served time for forgery, drug peddling & pimping.
E.T has made a public statement that if Drew Barrymore will come and give him head he will forgive the planet and spare us....Come on Drew, you are our only hope.
