Reference System in Jeopardy!!!!!!!!!!

I started to put this in infoshare but I feel the guys need to hear this.
I woke up this morning to a very rude ugly ass cheweing from another provider.
I have a client that I have seen several times and have NEVER had a problem with him. This provider texted me for references I gave him an "ok".
Well this morning I woke to a text from the provider that said he gave her the wrong address and wouldnt respond to her calls after she drove an hour. Her exact words were "Girl dont give out references out for m*****f*****s that arent legit!" Also some more choice words.

I have contacted my client to get his side if the story and I havent heard anything but have advised him not to use me as a reference until this problem is resolved.
It is getting harder to give references. Especially when things like this happen. It seems lately that if you warn people about a guy your wrong if they have had a good experience. Then if you give a good reference and they turn out to be a jerk you are not giving legit references.

Fellas please be mindful that when a provider gives you a reference she is putting her reputation on the line.

Ladies if you mad at another provider and cuss her like dog the odds of her giving you a reference again is not good.
Then we have all of us providers and hobbyist not feeling safe because the reference system has gone to hell.
I am so sorry this happened to the provider. It has happened to me before.

SC, I hope you can get this worked out with all the parties involved. I can understand the other provider being upset but directing anger toward you, IMHO, is inappropriate. You do not control the third party's actions. You are merely sharing your own interactions with the third party.

Regarding the gentleman involved, I hope you have a good explanation for SC. This has obviously caused a problem here. Also gentlemen, please be mindful that ladies are vouching for you so act appropriately (I'm not saying the gentlemen acted inappropriately here). I'm just saying be considerate of the lady's reputation who is vouching for you.
Ladies, gentlemen, good day!

SC, I hope you can get this worked out with all the parties involved. I can understand the other provider being upset but directing anger toward you, IMHO, is inappropriate. You do not control the third party's actions. You are merely sharing your own interactions with the third party.

Regarding the gentleman involved, I hope you have a good explanation for SC. This has obviously caused a problem here. Also gentlemen, please be mindful that ladies are vouching for you so act appropriately (I'm not saying the gentlemen acted inappropriately here). I'm just saying be considerate of the lady's reputation who is vouching for you.
Ladies, gentlemen, good day! Originally Posted by DocHolyday

Thank you Doc for your input. I am so upset. I avoid drama as much as possible. This situation has really upset me. I hate it for the provider but also don't like being disrespected. You can get your point across without being rude. Im sure it was in the heat of the moment of being out in the middle of nowhere.
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It should be obvious to all that the reference system is to protect everyone.

It is understandable that the provider would be upset - at the client. It should be understood that when you give a reference, all you are saying and in fact all it is possible to say is that you saw the client and he was in fact "OK" when you saw him. Nothing more. As Doc said, you do not control the third party's actions. As long as you gave a prompt and honest response to the reference request, you have lived up to your end. That should not be seen as a guarantee of any kind.

If ladies are afraid to give a reference because a formerly good client might turn out bad or to decline a reference because he might have been good for other providers, where does that leave us? Unsafe, that's where. This is the one area where people have to be able to put petty differences aside or the whole system breaks down, to the detriment of all of us.

So sorry that happened to you, Sweet Casey. The providers anger is certainly misplaced.

I myself have been in her situation, but I never blamed the provider because some people can change on a whim. I've seen guys who were great one time, then shorted me, overstayed (like multiple hours) or NCNS, etc.

That's one reason I've limited my travel recently.

I am definitely reference friendly, but the first time a lady got pissy with me and didn't soon apologize, I'd more than likely put her on ignore.

Hope everything gets resolved darling.

It should be obvious to all that the reference system is to protect everyone.

It is understandable that the provider would be upset - at the client. It should be understood that when you give a reference, all you are saying and in fact all it is possible to say is that you saw the client and he was in fact "OK" when you saw him. Nothing more. As Doc said, you do not control the third party's actions. As long as you gave a prompt and honest response to the reference request, you have lived up to your end. That should not be seen as a guarantee of any kind.

If ladies are afraid to give a reference because a formerly good client might turn out bad or to decline a reference because he might have been good for other providers, where does that leave us? Unsafe, that's where. This is the one area where people have to be able to put petty differences aside or the whole system breaks down, to the detriment of all of us. Originally Posted by SpankyJ

Exactly Spanky that is what I was trying to say. I couldn't get my words straight because I was mortified that this happened to this provider and also that she blamed me. Discretion and ALL or our safety is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!!!! I will continue to give this provider references however from now on when I give a reference I will state " when I saw him"

So sorry that happened to you, Sweet Casey. The providers anger is certainly misplaced.

I myself have been in her situation, but I never blamed the provider because some people can change on a whim. I've seen guys who were great one time, then shorted me, overstayed (like multiple hours) or NCNS, etc.

That's one reason I've limited my travel recently.

I am definitely reference friendly, but the first time a lady got pissy with me and didn't soon apologize, I'd more than likely put her on ignore.

Hope everything gets resolved darling. Originally Posted by tsar

I thought in anger that I wouldn't reference with her again. But that defeats the entire purpose of trying to reach our goal of safety and discretion. She probably just spoke out of anger and I can understand that. There are to many unfriendly​ reference people. Need to keep the ones we have

I thought in anger that I wouldn't reference with her again. But that defeats the entire purpose of trying to reach our goal of safety and discretion. She probably just spoke out of anger and I can understand that. There are to many unfriendly​ reference people. Need to keep the ones we have Originally Posted by Sweet Casey

You're right. I didn't think of it that way, but that's a very good point. I try to include a lot of detail in my reference like "I saw him last May..... he did this and this (if there was anything I was uncomfortable with) but was overall a sweet guy.... it was an incall and he arrived on time.... he did not short me my donation and was well aware of my rates prior to the appointment."
I try to cover my ass. But I'm rarely asked for references, I feel like I'm always doing the asking so I try not to piss anyone off. Haha.
According to some of the ladies though, my replies on the boards do that though. Haha

You're right. I didn't think of it that way, but that's a very good point. I try to include a lot of detail in my reference like "I saw him last May..... he did this and this (if there was anything I was uncomfortable with) but was overall a sweet guy.... it was an incall and he arrived on time.... he did not short me my donation and was well aware of my rates prior to the appointment."
I try to cover my ass. But I'm rarely asked for references, I feel like I'm always doing the asking so I try not to piss anyone off. Haha.
According to some of the ladies though, my replies on the boards do that though. Haha Originally Posted by tsar

Luv you are just fine!! I usually try to give details also. However I woke up to her text and said he is fine. Never had a problem so didn't go into detail

My client just got back with me. There is a BIG HUGE OTHER SIDE TO THIS STORY. He also provided copies of the text exchange with her. He told her to stop at the gas station and he would come get her? She also called me some choice words.
Don't need this drama in my life.

The plot thickens...

Sorry that happened to you. Drama sucks.

The plot thickens...

Sorry that happened to you. Drama sucks. Originally Posted by SpankyJ

I truly believe the truth is buried deep somewhere in the middle. Who cares now. The provider has contacted me and apologized. We all lose our cool and it's understandable why she did

I truly believe the truth is buried deep somewhere in the middle. Who cares now. The provider has contacted me and apologized. We all lose our cool and it's understandable why she did Originally Posted by Sweet Casey

Glad it worked out without further drama. I think it speaks well of you to have a forgiving attitude like that.

My client just got back with me. There is a BIG HUGE OTHER SIDE TO THIS STORY. He also provided copies of the text exchange with her. He told her to stop at the gas station and he would come get her? She also called me some choice words.
Don't need this drama in my life. Originally Posted by Sweet Casey

This ^^^^^ is why I didn't jump on the unnamed Provider's band wagon. The type of response SC received from the unnamed Provider tells me alot about the unnamed Provider. SC, you may want to reevaluate your position on providing references to the unnamed Provider in the future.

To the unnamed Provider, you may want to review your msgs. to SC and consider an apology to her. js

Shout out to Spank, I really didn't attack your post in that thread Bro. Hope you accepted my apology and cooled off.

Sorry that happened to you, She was wrong for that. I've had girls give me references before and the guy wasn't good like she said. I just warn her so she doesn't give him any more references, never would I cuss her out or get mad. Good thing we all don't handle things the same.