Gallery of Absurd Emails

Winston Churchill wants to book me I'm SO SPECIAL!

email:

I am Winston Churchill i find it difficult to mail you because of
high internet scam rate moreover as the Prime Minister of England, as
a government official i think i should be extra-careful in what i get
myself involve into............ I can't just take my eyes of your
profile at the site.Since i am an adventurous person that travel a
lot, my political status as taking me places. I hardly have time for
myself but i want to use this opportunity since i will be traveling to
four different states and your state is among the four countries i
will touring for political matters. Your states will be the last of
that i will be coming too because i will be traveling to two different
African countries too before coming to your state for a political
meeting as i have stated above.......... I’ve figured out that it will
be great to combine some little time i have got with erotic
encounters. So i am planning to visit your state on the 30th of next
month and i will like to have you all to myself for 1weeks and some
days. So when through with the political meeting,i will stay with you
in 5-star hotel ,all through my stay. I will like to know how much
it will cost me to have you for so long, if you are chanced, but
please keep this confidential to save my political profile .If you are
not yet fully booked you will have to send some documented paper
(Driving license e.t.c) or picture in other to confirm your identity
because i will not like to get hooked up to a total stranger online.

Yours Sincerely

WINSTON CHURCHILL

Did someone really send this to you?

Ya know what's wrong, there's no mention of lottery winnings that they need to wire transfer into your account. Careful Lauren this *might* be a scam.

Is he hiding in Nigeria?

Did someone really send this to you? Originally Posted by CajunGent

Yep

You would think being British he'd have a better grasp of the language, and as a politician, would capitalize all his I's.

HaHa! Thanks for sharing, Lauren. Now that is one to keep!

I received one a few months ago from Hugh Hefner via his "personal assistant and head photographer" offering me a photo shoot in exchange for my services. Then, if I was suitable for Mr. Hefner based on the assistant's recommend, I would be "granted" my own private overnight session with Mr. Hefner.

HaHa! Thanks for sharing, Lauren. Now that is one to keep!

I received one a few months ago from Hugh Hefner via his "personal assistant and head photographer" offering me a photo shoot in exchange for my services. Then, if I was suitable for Mr. Hefner based on the assistant's recommend, I would be "granted" my own private overnight session with Mr. Hefner.
Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

LMAO!!! Dang Lynette do you think that you can e-mail Hugh's assistant back and get me up hooked with a few Playmates of the Month?

LMAO, thanks for the laugh...that really made my day!

Makes you wonder who gave the 'tards free internet access day. Sorry, we're not allowed to say 'RETARD" anymore...

Perhaps he thought that since John Stewart (deceased) was free, he might also be free.

Unless, of course, you meant Jon Stewart...in which case none of that makes sense.

Lauren that was funny, at least he wins points for originality.All I ever get is What R UR rates? or my other favorite Can we do a threesome with your dog?

Lynette, how could you pass up such a great offer?

At least Winston is a winner, so you can't be charged with treason. Now, if Adolph, Benito, or Emperor Hirohito contact you, I recommend SCREENING THOROUGHLY before meeting.

I was waiting for some cheesy line like, "It is to wage romance and sex, by sea, land, and air...."

Lynette, how could you pass up such a great offer? Originally Posted by Becky

Yeah, I know...I could've been Playmate of the Year and famous!!
I'll wait to be "discovered" on my own walking around Beverly Hills.
I hear that's happened to a couple of ladies after all!

OK, every once in a while i am guilty of having fun with these master minds.


Here is one of "brilliant" emails :-)

" Good Day My Dear,
How are you doing today?Hope all is well with you?I try to call you but the network was so bad here,I actually want to confirm your availability for my trip.I will also like you to get back to me with the total cost of your stay with me for 4hrs per night for four days and be acknowledge that I will be making payment by certified cashier check or money order or bank wire transfer.I will send you my flight schedule as soon as I get them,it include all the details you required,my hotel phone. I will call you when I arrive at the hotel and it will also prepare you as at when I am coming over.I will be paying half of the total cost to get you ready for the trip and that is why I am sending you the deposit.So as soon as you receive the payment deduct your own cost and send the remaining balance to me so I can send the hotel agent his fee too or you can send the payment to him yourself provided if that will not be a problem to you.The payment will be made by my secretary.

Send the details below and I will instruct payment to be made to you.Certified cashier check will be email to you as soon as I hear from you,or you can email your required banking details to send the payment to you if you desire transfer.

Full Name:
Full Address:
Zip code:
Phone Number:


I hope to hear from you soon . Best Regards.
Simone."

Hi ___. Your physik was interesting to me Is pleased, that we begin to learn each other more well and to develop Our acquaintance. I think, that it is an interesting thing, to learn someone far through the Internet. It is unusual to me, because I a little Is familiar with the Internet. ___, I want to inform you, that I have no the computer at home also I go in Internet - cafe, in free from work time. That To translate my letters to you I use the electronic program The interpreter, because for me is faster and it is convenient to write for you In Russian, and then to translate the letter on English. I hope, That you can understand well my letters. I studied the English language Earlier at school, and after that in college and I understand your letters very well. Only please do not use Reductions of words. While I did not establish the computer in the house, therefore That I have no there telephone. It would be interesting to me to speak with you and If you not against, I could in the future try To cause you, that we could speak about different things. Ben, I want To tell to you it is a little about itself. I live in city Obst and I have very good family. Because of my work I take off a small apartment and I live in it separately from my family. But I very much frequently reach to them and I spend with them weekend. we frequently we are chosen together on a camping and We have other entertainments. Mine the city not of the large size, and in it is a little The people. Basically at us in city various factory and factories. Is present Some restaurant and bar. The city is constructed not by high houses till 3-5 floors. About 20 kilometers from it there is a very large and modern city Minsk. I with the friends frequently get out there to buy some Things or fashionable clothes. I work, my job that I create various holidays, concert programs. now I work as the senior seller in shop, which sells female footwear. I have in my submission 3 men.
My work brings to me not so many money, but it is pleasant to me. And also I work as the seller in this shop. Tell to me about the job. She is pleasant to you? To me my job is pleasant. I very much like to laugh and I respect the people with good By humour. I like to travel. I yet was not far from mine At home, but I dream in the future to visit in different places. I 2-3 times in Week go to be engaged in sports hall, to hold my body in The order. And you ___, have any sports in the life? You love Entertainment on a nature? A hunt? fishing? A camping? Some inform me Things about the entertainment. It will be very interesting to me to learn about it. I wait for your letters.
Sincerely yours Elena.