Lost in Translation. Humorous texts

I've had a few odd, yet funny texts, when texting in the hobby. Sometimes it's just mistranslation of the written word instead of voice inflection, juggling multiple texts at a time or sometimes it's just a plain head scratcher. Below are a few hobby texts I've had recently that were humorous. Please share yours too!

Me: Hi, I'm Gatsby. Saw your post on p411. Are you free?

Provider: No! I don't provide free sessions. That would totally defeat the purpose!

Me: I meant do you have some free time?

Provider: oh! Lol. Yeah, I'm available

Text 2:

Me: Saw your ad that you're in Dallas. Would like to meet up.

Provider: I left Dallas early sweetie but I'm still close by.

Me: Where are you now?

Provider: Oklahoma City. Want to come see me?

SMH!

Text 3:

Provider (out of the blue): Hey, I can still send you the videos

My response 10 minutes later: Videos?

Provider 5 minutes later: No! I don't allow videos of my sessions!

Me: Um, you texted me first about sending videos.

Provider: sorry! That was meant for someone else. Lol. I allow it for an extra fee.

Thinking to myself...didn't you just say you don't allow videos in your session?

Provider: I charge an additional 300 roses for it. want to come see me?

Me....no response. Blocked caller.

Anyone else have some funny ones to share?

Last year, I texted a massage gal about scheduling a morning appointment. First response was, "No time today. Maybe [three days later]"

Then, about ten minutes after that, "Sure. 10 or 12?"

Then, about five minutes later, "ok. I can see you tomorrow at 1 or 2."

Then, "Can you be here in 10 minutes?"

Then, "Sorry. Tomorrorow is not good."

Then, "Hello? Are you coming now?"

I have no clue if it was multiple gals, pimps or personalities. But, I kindly declined with, "Sorry. But, thanks."

Me: are u available on friday..
Provider: yes, what day?
Me: Friday. I did not see it on ur profile so.I wanted to be sure. I am AA is that ok?
Provider: yes as long as you do not show up drunk to my incall

Lol!

Paraphrasing but this exchange took place in within a few minutes
Me: on my way
Provider: ok, Room 'xxx'
Provider: you on the way
Me: walking up now
Provider: give me 15/20, a client is coming but it's just a blow job so won't be long.
Me: um, I'm limited on time so maybe we need to reschedule or something
Provider: don't be a bitch, I will be quick and I need a ride!
Me: I can't give you a ride and not able to wait, sorry
Provider: Then why did you come?
Provider: sorry that was for my sister the door is open can't wait to meet xoxo

After the deed is done and saying byes
Me: so your sister knows about this?
Her: huh?? I don't have a sister?
Me: okay then..well you take care..bye
Her: you too love (closes door)

Provider: ok I'm done are you still picking me up?
Me: this is the client that just left, not sister
Provider: oh im sorry I'm available now and would love to meet you xoxo

Paraphrasing but this exchange took place in within a few minutes
Me: on my way
Provider: ok, Room 'xxx'
Provider: you on the way
Me: walking up now
Provider: give me 15/20, a client is coming but it's just a blow job so won't be long.
Me: um, I'm limited on time so maybe we need to reschedule or something
Provider: don't be a bitch, I will be quick and I need a ride!
Me: I can't give you a ride and not able to wait, sorry
Provider: Then why did you come?
Provider: sorry that was for my sister the door is open can't wait to meet xoxo

After the deed is done and saying byes
Me: so your sister knows about this?
Her: huh?? I don't have a sister?
Me: okay then..well you take care..bye
Her: you too love (closes door)

Provider: ok I'm done are you still picking me up?
Me: this is the client that just left, not sister
Provider: oh im sorry I'm available now and would love to meet you xoxo Originally Posted by bored@home

Oh wow. This was painful to read. I am super embarassed for her. Let's hope her TCB skills have improved since then.

Bored that is some funny shit dude

When scheduling with a gent I had asked him if would like to come thru my back door (discretely asking if he'd like greek) and his response was I could come thru the back door but not sure why I would have to use the back door.

Paraphrasing but this exchange took place in within a few minutes
Me: on my way
Provider: ok, Room 'xxx'
Provider: you on the way
Me: walking up now
Provider: give me 15/20, a client is coming but it's just a blow job so won't be long.
Me: um, I'm limited on time so maybe we need to reschedule or something
Provider: don't be a bitch, I will be quick and I need a ride!
Me: I can't give you a ride and not able to wait, sorry
Provider: Then why did you come?
Provider: sorry that was for my sister the door is open can't wait to meet xoxo

After the deed is done and saying byes
Me: so your sister knows about this?
Her: huh?? I don't have a sister?
Me: okay then..well you take care..bye
Her: you too love (closes door)

Provider: ok I'm done are you still picking me up?
Me: this is the client that just left, not sister
Provider: oh im sorry I'm available now and would love to meet you xoxo Originally Posted by bored@home

How was the session?

Paraphrasing but this exchange took place in within a few minutes
Me: on my way
Provider: ok, Room 'xxx'
Provider: you on the way
Me: walking up now
Provider: give me 15/20, a client is coming but it's just a blow job so won't be long.
Me: um, I'm limited on time so maybe we need to reschedule or something
Provider: don't be a bitch, I will be quick and I need a ride!
Me: I can't give you a ride and not able to wait, sorry
Provider: Then why did you come?
Provider: sorry that was for my sister the door is open can't wait to meet xoxo

After the deed is done and saying byes
Me: so your sister knows about this?
Her: huh?? I don't have a sister?
Me: okay then..well you take care..bye
Her: you too love (closes door)

Provider: ok I'm done are you still picking me up?
Me: this is the client that just left, not sister
Provider: oh im sorry I'm available now and would love to meet you xoxo Originally Posted by bored@home

Winner! Name or it didn't happen . . .

When scheduling with a gent I had asked him if would like to come thru my back door (discretely asking if he'd like greek) and his response was I could come thru the back door but not sure why I would have to use the back door. Originally Posted by NatalieRaine

This is sooo me. (Well, it wasn't me.) But, I just don't get it sometimes. Terminally male. Totally miss the innuendo. (Or, in this case, the in-your-end-Doh!)

- Do you have any availability this afternoon?

"... Yes, what is your age and ethnic?"

Me: Are you available for one hour at 7pm today?
xxx: Yes babe, how long you want to visit?
me: one hour...
xxx: OK babe, what time?

for the record the session occurred, and was outstanding.

Yup , that's the issue I have with texting , we have all had ^ funny shit like that happen.

What about when you send a text and get a response 5-6 hours later? My balls are drained by then