Surgery Concerns

I've been in pain for almost 2 1/2 years. (Not constant, lot of pills). I'm due to have my second neck surgery in about a week. This one is considerably more serious than the last. (Things are being replaced). Unlike the first surgery, this one is causing me great turmoil inside. I'm writing on this forum because it's one of the few places you can communicate with others and be totally open.

It's not that I have fear about this one. I'm not saying I'm brave as I'm not a strong individual by nature. I'm just worn down by it all. I'm worn down not by the pain, by the doctors (9), by the PTs (8), by the daily management. I'm worn down by the lack of joy. When you pretty much have to put life on hold because of some problem, joy disappears. It disappears because you realize that most people really can't handle knowing exactly what you're going through when it's all bad. I'm not complaining as it is understandable. A lot of people have trouble coping with their own problems without hearing about someone else's. So you build a wall so as not to overburden them. Unfortunately, that wall not only keeps your pain from going out, it also keeps joy from coming in.

Strangely enough, I haven't been depressed. I've been pressing too hard for a solution - or at least an improvement - and haven't had time to be depressed. I've pressed so much through research, checking out all the medical options and getting opinions that I even wrote Peyton Manning for his thoughts on the neck problem. I figured he probably had studied it to death like he does football. (I actually got a call back). I've also been pro-active on the potential depression front by seeing a psychiatrist which has helped though even a moment of joy still avoids me.

Dating has been pretty much impossible. Who wants to get to know someone in the middle of health issues? Plus, I just haven't been able to put in the work. Meeting with friends has greatly decreased as well. I think it was Marlene Dietrich who said that it's the friends that you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that matter. I only have a couple of those and even friends like that you can't share too much with too often.

I've only seen one or two providers - I think - during all this. I really didn't see them for sex. I basically just needed someone to help me not feel so isolated for an hour. It didn't work. Generally, that's not what the hobby is for.

So now I'm looking at surgery in a week and a long recovery period after that. Hopefully, it'll be worth it. What I really fear is the recovery period itself, a period of even greater isolation. I tend to live in my head too much as it is. I'm trying to arrange projects I can do in my bed to keep me distracted. (Maybe I'll be able to finish that book I've been writing). It seems to me that many people cope with life by distracting themselves from it. The distractions can be of a wide variety: athletics, sex, drugs, alcohol, entertainment, religion, et al. It's occurred to me that it's going to be difficult for me to distract myself for such a long period and that's worrisome.

So what is the point of this monologue? Partly just to get out what I'm feeling, I suppose. But mostly, I imagine, just not feel so alone for a moment. I don't imagine to gain a moment of joy or perhaps even comfort out of this, but knowing that people looked at the post, well, that's something.

Take care and thanks.

"Generally, that's not what the hobby is for."

Yet you think this site is for sharing self-pity? Sheesh. No wife? No kids? Hmmm. Me thinks it might be time for some introspection... but not here.

Get your surgery done and then start a new chapter in your life. I recommend getting grounded in real life before coming back to the hobby. The hobby is like salt and pepper on the real life, it should not be the main course.

"Generally, that's not what the hobby is for."

Yet you think this site is for sharing self-pity? Sheesh. No wife? No kids? Hmmm. Me thinks it might be time for some introspection... but not here.

Get your surgery done and then start a new chapter in your life. I recommend getting grounded in real life before coming back to the hobby. The hobby is like salt and pepper on the real life, it should not be the main course. Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife

Callous much??? Maybe you were in a bad mood when you wrote this. We all go through shit in different ways. How about you try on some empathy and see how it fits.

This is a place where someone can bare aspects of themselves that are unwelcome or hidden from other aspects of their life. All aspects. Im glad the OP posted this. I hope he gets a lot of good advice from people who have been down this road before and faced the same challenges.

To the OP,
I'm sorry you're having a long run of challenges. No one knows what your going through and no one will completely understand it either. Unfortunately, your pain (all of it) is untimately your pain to deal with alone - married with kids or not.

That being said, it won't last forever. Your surgery coming up will likely relieve a lot of the pain/pressure/numbness you'be been experiencing. Sounds like you are having a disc replaced???

It sucks. It really sucks. Don't think any less of yourself because it's bringing you down. That is what chronic pain does. Accept your limitations in the coming months and don't make it worse by feeling like a failure or a burden. That's an easy trap to fall into - especially as a man.

Focus on your abilities and resources. I'm sure you have a lot to offer those around you besides a working neck. Connect with your friends. Many people actually LIKE being there for their friends (I know I do).

You say you are not depessed but mention seeing a psychiatrist. I am not a psychiatrist but I would venture to say you are showing classic signs of depression. Maybe its time to get on an anti-depressant and see how it affects your overall outlook on your situation. Sometimes the mental block is the worst part. Meds can help get you over the hump and see the horizon. Your psychiatrist can titrate you off of them after just a few months if you wish.

Hope you get to feeling better soon. Keep at it!

Hang in there sweetheart. I hope that everything goes well. If you ever need too talk please call me.

Going under the knife is its own stress, couple that with chronic pain and the side effects of pain management (meds) and you get your situation.
Wish you well on the recovery
...PS think about it... maybe you come back like Peyton and win the hearts of a whole new generation of fans.

Expressing your concerns and feelings can be helpful. I'm sorry for your situation.

It requires a lot of adjustment to be out of your preferred lifestyle for a long period. However, you will be surprised at how adaptable you can be and what new ideas you can come up with while staring at the ceiling. Did you know the dots in the hospital room ceiling can look like both bumps and craters if you stare at them long enough?

You mention having started a book. Why not put that as your priority during the down time? You won't need to justify taking time from something else to do it.

And finally, but most important, is read THN's reply several times and talk to your psychiatrist about it.

Take care and know others are thinking about you.

Dang... nice avatar! lol

Hope whatever is getting you down turns around.

I hope you surgery is successful, and recovery time is short... keep hanging around here, because it's entertaining, even if you aren't able to be a participating hobbyist

Yo,u are depressed. Health problems are tough. Find something to think about or a new hobby. This hobby is sex,money,and not much fuzzy good vibes.

Callous much??? Maybe you were in a bad mood when you wrote this. We all go through shit in different ways. How about you try on some empathy and see how it fits. Originally Posted by thathottnurse

Go girl... Couldn't have said it better.

The absence of pleasure in activities that would usually give you, or others, pleasure, is a clear sign of dysthymia or depression, even if you think you are not "depressed". Speak to your ortho or neuro about this. Pain, especially chronic pain, causes chemical changes in your brain that can alter your mood.

+1 for thathottnurse and empathy rules !

OP this is your post and you can write about anything you want. It's a hooker board so I don't know how many will read it or respond, we might be surprised ! I also agree that brain chemistry is a funny thing and some meds from your Drs might make a huge difference. Treat depression now and your surgery/recovery might be highly improved. Think about how much easier other things will be if you are not depressed. You have a lot of hard work in front of you so take it one step at a time.

Good luck and never give up!

BTW call Tara and hotnurse and anyone else you can it really does help.

I've been where you are now. I've multiple degenerative disks in my back. At its worst, I could hardly walk. Surgery was not an option for me. So, I've had years of physical therapy and more sessions with a psychiatrist than I can recall. Depression is a part of this process, but more fundamental for me was that I had to completely rethink who I was as a man. Up to that point in my life, I'd never had my body get in the way of anything. I worked, I played, I lived and enjoyed life. Then that all got fucked up. Its taken me longer to come to terms with that, then to deal with the pain.

THN's post is a gold nugget of insight. I'd suggest you write some of it down and think about it.

"Don't think any less of yourself because it's bringing you down. That is what chronic pain does."

"Accept your limitations in the coming months and don't make it worse by feeling like a failure or a burden. That's an easy trap to fall into - especially as a man."

Focus on your abilities and resources - Connect with your friends. Many people actually LIKE being there for their friends (I know I do)."

The emotional aspect of this - long term pain, uncertainty, emotional isolation, depression all effect your outlook and recovery. Seeing someone to help you with all of this is vital.

Most people think of issues like this purely in terms of the physical side of things. Trust me when I tell you that the emotional aspects of this are even MORE important to deal with than the physical. If you are not seeing a mental health professional - please go make an appointment.

This isn't a journey that you need to take alone. You will need people to help guide and inspire you and you will benefit from learning how others, who have gone through this have coped, recovered and then excelled.

If you want to talk with someone who has been there and mostly survived - just shoot me a PM.

I'm fused from C-3 through C-7. The recovery will be difficult at times. For me, I have clostrophobic issues so wearing the collar for nearly 3-months was an ordeal.

We delude ourselves into thinking we can weather life solo. Let go and let God. He's always there.