If caught, which is worse: affair or hobby?

I was reading Hercules' thread on "Amatuer vs Pro" and got to thinking. If a man get's busted by the SO, which would be worse? Getting busted having an affair or getting busted in the hobby.

I would think it's easier to explain away the hobby because "It's just sex. I'll join a 12-step for sex addicts."

On the other hand, with an "affair" there's some sort of emotional thing. You could try claiming its just sex, but I don't think she'd buy it.

I'm sure we've got plenty of real world experience out there. So let's hear it. Men, which is worse? Ladies, what do you think?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I would say emotionally, an affair would be the worst! I know first hand how hurt I was when I found out that my ex husband was having an affair! Knowing that he was sharing a part of his soul with another woman was just unbearable for me!

The hobby is just a temporary fling!

Civilian women think totally different than we do. To them, having sex with providers would probably make them less apt to work it out than if you had an emotional affair, as backwards as that may seem to those of us with a more rational mind. It is more shocking and disgusting to them. Hookers? Ewwwwww! How dare you, you piece of shit!

Now, if you have an emotional affair, I think civvie women are more receptive to working that one out. Don't ask me why, but it is the truth. Maybe it is the challenge of "taking care of home" again, I don't know. But don't get caught with one of us, LOL.

I would be a lot more 'okay' with an affair that had no emotional attachment. Been there. What hurts is the idea of the person you love, being in love with someone else. I couldn't care less if you just want to get your rocks off, though.

Personally, give me a polyamorous relationship. Love me, love her, I don't give a fuck. Let's take turns! I'll even cook breakfast.

I do not hobby when I am in a relationship, and when I do hobby I am not a full service guy. If I were to stray, I would prefer to be caught in an affair than here. This is a different world that is not talked about and is associated with a ton of taboo. I understand this hobby and this world but most do not. We are a very small group in the grand scheme of things. I understand why women provide and I understand why married men keep them in business. I do not judge and truth be told I have a ton of friends here. I just think it would be easier to explain an affair than this sub culture for lack of a better word. On a side note, I do not see many different girls here, but the ones I do see I am very close to and would do anything to help them. I am not sure that is much different than an affair outside of the L word.

If you hobby your marriage is in trouble. If you get caught, your marriage is over.

I think I'll stay away from this one except to agree with both Lana and Dannie's take on civilian women. Just points out how differently any two people think. Sometimes, it's our "pickers" that get us into trouble -or - sometimes it's being enamored with the "idea" of something rather than considering what doing it really means.

Dannie is right. I wish I knew a woman as "evolved" as Dannie, I would love to have a polyamorous life style, two bisexual women living with me.
But most women as so territorial that her "man" is her "man" and don't try and take him from me. I suppose if you switched it around I would personally not be too upset if my SO were to be f**k**g the pool boy, but if she had a no tell motel relationship with a guy over several months or years that would be worse....for me.

Just my .02.

An affair by far, in that there are so many emotions involved.
Cheers!

If you're caught in the hobby your time with your children can be limited or supervised after the divorce.

With an affair, the only worry about the children being with you is if the other woman is dangerous and you're still with her.

Food for thought Miss Honey!
Good point!

Ah, some wise words from HoneyRose, indeed.

Also, I'm really hesitant to play the generalization games about men/women and spouses. Each person is different. In my case, my wife, kind of like Lana, says she can understand a sexual fling (though not approve), while an affair is pretty much a deal breaker.

Glad to find some fellow polyamory enthusiasts on the board. I think I might start another thread on that!

HM

I am with Honey on this.

Glad to find some fellow polyamory enthusiasts on the board. I think I might start another thread on that!

HM Originally Posted by HugginMan

Done! Check the Sandbox.

I had an emotional affair with a married woman while her husband was seeing providers. When he found out he became vindictive and emotionally cruel toward her, ( he was a little skeered of me). When I figured out what he had been up to, she wouldn't talk to me for three weeks. Idiot was paying mostly with credit cards at that old studio ring in Houston, Amazing or whatever it was called, It should have helped her with the divorce but just made everything worse. She wouldn't even confront him about it and the thought of being "replaced" her words, with a series of escorts, made her nauseous. Interesting that she refused the moral high ground on reasons of denial and he embraced it as if he was lily white because he had never been caught.

Moral is, if you need to go outside the marriage for some strange and your spouse isn't open to that kind of lifestyle, you should probably just end it and move on anyway, eventually it will all fall apart.

I don't ever want to find out.