Request for Advice from the Hobbyists

Most of us are aware that explicit discussion during scheduling attempts is not welcome by providers, and I'm sure we all know why.

But as a provider, I occasionally encounter hobbyists who, despite being screened and seem to have a fairly decent amount of experience in the hobby, still feel it necessary to list the activities they desire in a session with me, then either ask for a specific rate for those activities, or ask if X rate will be okay. This doesn't happen to me often, but when it does, it really bothers me. I always second-guess myself as to whether I was either (a) too militant in my approach and hurt a nice guy's feelings; or (b) too lax in my approach and somehow opened the door for trouble for myself down the road.

So I generally just end the conversation with a statement like, "Explicit discussion is not welcome," and then ignore future contact from that person.

I really don't want to be rude. If the hobbyist seems genuine, I always try to gently steer the conversation back to an acceptable range of topics, but when someone who - aside from his email etiquette - appears to be very nice, and has seen multiple respectable providers, just doesn't seem to get the hint, and continues to violate this simple rule of hobbyland...

How should I handle it?

From my perspective, simply ceasing communication would be the best option for me. But I kind of feel it's rude to just start ignoring someone after an extensive email exchange.

Some of you may say that if he's been screened, I should be okay with explicit discussion from someone I haven't met. Assume for the purpose of this thread that I'm extremely uncomfortable with the explicit discussion.

As a hobbyist, is this etiquette something you're already aware of?

Do you tend to follow or ignore general rule that you don't discuss services and rates when speaking to a provider?

If a provider has multiple reviews, do you feel it's necessary to ask about services? If so, why?

And most importantly, what is the most effective way for a provider to convey that a hobbyist has crossed that line without making the hobbyist feel that she's being unreasonable or rude?

I've never discussed services or rates. The only times I've wondered about breaking that rule is if the pricing is confusing. Say the ad mentions +100 for GFE or +100 for PSE. What exactly does that mean? Or reviews mention that something is available for an additional donation, but it's not listed in the ad. There are also cases where the service level is rumored to have changed (e.g. CBJ vs BBBJ) and you may want to clarify before you spend $$$$$. But I've never done any of the above that I can recall.

Stuff like writing explicit details about what you expect from the session and haggling before you've met seems in poor taste. I would just ignore those guys if they can't take a hint.

If the gentleman is screened well, then explicit conversation is fine. When one offers multiple sessions, I can see why a gentleman would want to request specific things up front.

Perhaps we could teach the gentlemen to request packages rather than a la carte services.

Oops, I'm not usually a hobbiest. Sorry to hijack your thread.

It also becomes necessary to specify when a provider offers multiple menu options for different rates, such as an FBSM with an HJ ending, or a BBBJ ending. You kind of have to specify which one you want And what about wardrobe requests? Does telling providers that I have a bra and panty fetish cross the line?

Also, it is not uncommon for a provider to initiate such discussions. For example, I recently attempted to schedule with a lady who said she couldn't do FS at the moment, but offered french instead, with some nipple sucking thrown in for good measure. (And for the record, I didn't have a problem with it.)

I guess my point is that I'm not sure there's a hard and fast rule about this, since different ladies seem to have different boundaries when it comes to talking about specific activities after screening. Therefore, I try to tread carefully and tend not to ask anything specific unless I'm getting vibes that it's ok to do so. As a result, I don't usually bring up the bra and panty thing, because I don't want to 'spook' her. But, IMHO, once you're screened, you should be ok to talk about specific requests/fetishes/whatever.

I would think the more different rates someone advertises, the more questions like this they will end up getting. They will get a disproportionate amount of people who are either genuinely confused or who want to "a la carte" you to death.

I would think that with simple hourly rates, these questions wouldn't come up nearly as often (and would be more easily dodged if they did).

Me personally, I hate asking questions like that (even up front) - it kind of kills the mood for me.

I agree that once you're screened open discussion is fine. Usually I find out what I need via reviews prior to submitting screening info so these discussions are not necessary. I don't think Natalie is referring to wardrobe request but specific sexual activities like BBBJ, CIM, Greek ect. Natalie, correct me if I'm wrong. There are times when a provider does not have reviews because they are new or possible changed their name for one reason or another and as a hobbyist I want to be sure the menu items I seek are indeed available. This becomes a touchy conversation because I don't want to offend the provider or spook her but I also don't want to show up to a session and drop a few hundred bucks for a CBJ. IMO if you have a web site listing services is a great way to avoid these conversations.

If a provider has multiple reviews, do you feel it's necessary to ask about services? If so, why? Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

The primary reason given for no explicit conversation about services and fees is that it makes a case for LE. From the guy's perspective, if they've passed your screening, they may be under the impression that you've determined that they aren't LE. From there it's a short leap of inductive reasoning that then it ought to be OK to discuss specifics.

Their reason to discuss specifics is to assure their satisfaction and to make sure that everyone's expectations are on the table and any boundaries are clearly defined.

Why? Reviews are not always accurate, especially in the comments section, and may include embellishments to secure "atta boy" and "you're my hero" sorts of comments from fellow hobbyists.

Sometimes under the broad GFE experience umbrella in the visible part of the review, activities may be included in the comments that may or may not be on the menu for everybody (YMMV), or aren't ever on the menu for anybody but they make the reviewer sound like a stud like CIM, NQNS, TUHA, TUMA, etc., because the provider may not typically allow it but they got it because they are so great in bed, so charming, so hot, so whatever.

So, the apparently experienced, yet nice, guys who think that you are now certain that they aren't LE may feel OK with asking about taboos because they want to clear, and if something they want, that may be a dealbreaker for them, is going to be on the menu, even if it requires something extra with regards to compensation, or that something that seems to require extra compensation from some other providers is part of the standard sticker-price option package.

For the guys in this category, since they assume that they aren't considered LE that now it's incumbent upon them to make sure that all communication is clear.

Now, as to what to so, if you tell them that you're not comfortable having that sort of discussion, whether it's via phone email or face-to-face, and they persist, then yeah, they're being clueless and it may sound strict but shutting them out from then on is entirely your prerogative. If they do it, literally, once and then you entirely shut them down, then yeah, that seems overly drastic and borderline clinically paranoid. But still it's your decision and that's all the explanation you need to give.

After all, there's more than enough fish in the sea, for both parties. Even if you're really being unreasonable, I'm sure the guy can find somebody else to meet his needs and take his money and you'll be able to find a suitable suitor to replace him as well. The boards are filled with hyperbole, some playful, some courteous, some socially "lubricating" (so to speak) and some delusional about how wonderful this person or that person is, but in the end, none of us is irreplaceable or God's singular gift to the other gender. If somebody (usually the guy) then gets pissed because they got frozen out (by you or somebody else) and starts on a scorched earth campaign to trash the object of their frustration, they're just labeling themselves as an egocentric little whiny crybaby with big red permanent marker on their foreheads.

I mean, seriously, the worst thing that's happening to them is they wanted some pussy but didn't get laid; big fucking deal. That's it? That's their fucking end of the world tragedy? They should be ashamed to be whining about getting a little sand in their precious pink manginas when there's hundreds of human beings out there, just in this city alone, dealing with real life-or-death shit like cancer, strokes, physical abuse, and addiction. Fucking walk it off, nancy-boy.

Ummm... Natalie... I forgot what you said, but I will never forget how you made you feel.

Natalie, you set your rules ... whatever is comfortable for you. If someone persists in making you uncomfortable, then by all means cut them loose.

Personally, discussing specifics even after we've met is uncomfortable for me. I just let the session flow on its own.

Thanks for the input, guys. I really do appreciate it.

Carl, you're freaking killing me. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF. Stop making me laugh!!

Cityjazz... you're sweet. But you know I just made you feel that way because I'm so "anxious to please."

EZ, I'm with you. Discussing specific services just ruins the fantasy for me entirely.

Natalie I took a look at your site and if I were a newbie I would have a bunch of questions like, "how does introductions, cocktails, dinner, dessert, and etc translate to sex?"

Do you tend to follow or ignore general rule that you don't discuss services and rates when speaking to a provider?

<snip>

And most importantly, what is the most effective way for a provider to convey that a hobbyist has crossed that line without making the hobbyist feel that she's being unreasonable or rude? Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

I don't discuss anything other than the amount of time. We can discuss details when we are together and it is clear that everything is cool.

Even if someone has been cleared, that sort of discussion crosses the line. How do you know it is really the person you think it is and not someone else who pirated their handle or email? Why take a chance?

A statement like "I am not comfortable with this conversation. click" should do it. If they don't get the message from that, then do you really want to spend any time with someone who is that stupid?

Natalie I took a look at your site and if I were a newbie I would have a bunch of questions like, "how does introductions, cocktails, dinner, dessert, and etc translate to sex?" Originally Posted by rontitan

Um, it doesn't. That's the point.

Um, it doesn't. That's the point. Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

You'll have to forgive him, Natalie. He's been on the game grid awhile...

Tron Legacy, opening in theatres 12.17.10

Um, it doesn't. That's the point. Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

Right. That is why people ask you stuff.