Venturing outside "vanilla"

I've been a little curious about bdsm lately. More specifically, looking into becoming a female Dom provider. Is there a market for this, and where does one learn to become one?

If you are curious about BDSM, I would recommend checking out fetlife.com. It has declined a bit over the past few years but there are still some pretty good groups that are helpful and informative.

Good luck!

I've been a little curious about bdsm lately. More specifically, looking into becoming a female Dom provider. Is there a market for this, and where does one learn to become one? Originally Posted by honeydavis

Just act like a PMSing teenager and you would be half way there.

I like vanilla ice cream, js

I've been a little curious about bdsm lately. More specifically, looking into becoming a female Dom provider. Is there a market for this, and where does one learn to become one? Originally Posted by honeydavis

Start reading the "Another Realm" forum. You might also PM Elizabeth Whispers

Start reading the "Another Realm" forum. You might also PM Elizabeth Whispers Originally Posted by Boltfan

Some great advice!

But I would suggest looking at the older topics in that forum. Many of the older topics offer a wealth of "how to" and other general information, including reading lists and many other recommendations.

Also, my clients taught me about 80% percent of everything that I know about BDSM. And so if you're interested in learning a little bit about it, you might wish to include that in your weekly ad.

Just one word of warning: a lot of men will say that they're very experienced with BDSM, and they're not. Or, a lot of men will say that they are experienced Doms, and they are not at all.

They are just bullies.

There is a difference. A huge one.

So that's all the cheap advice that I have this morning, while laying in bed thinking about making some coffee, on an early Saturday morning.

If you have any specific questions, you can always send me a PM.

Now, I'd better get up!

Hugs,
Elisabeth

I would say learn how to be a great sub first. Then learning to be a dom will be easier. After all, the sub controls things. The sub allows things to happen. The sub can stop things at any time using the safe word. Being a great dom is not about doing what ever you want to someone. And being a great sub is not about just taking what ever is done to you. Its about servicing the needs of both.

And EW is right. A lot of want to be doms, especially guys, just get their kicks off of beating up people. That's not a dom.

Or some, under the guise of "knowing" and teaching will offer to do activities that really don't signify "domming."

For some, maybe.

A few of us like to call these wanna be Doms, who truly are NOT, the "suck my dick, bitch" Doms. Really, that's what they think domming is.

Grabbing your head, tossing you around a bit, and exclaiming, "suck my dick, bitch." For some, that might work.

But it's only bullying, like I mentioned above. Not being a true dominate.

I feel that you can learn a lot by playing around with people you know, and clients that you trust.

Please don't do what I did, and fall for a line (when I was new and trying to learn bdsm like you are trying to do now) that some guy wrote and offered to teach me because he was so experienced.

After several back and forths, I was convinced this (Dallas) man knew what he was talking about. (He was also a popular poster back in the day)

All that happened was I got hurt, and he was a complete asshole.

Live and learn.

I finally did meet someone who taught me a whole lot. And in the interim, had some clients who had no problem sharing with me exactly what works for them.

And that was how I learned some things and I still consider myself somewhat inexperienced compared to many who make this a lifestyle choice.

Again, if you have any questions, please feel free to send me a PM.

Hugs,
Elisabeth

Talk to Berkleigh as well. She showed me one little change to make in an activity I like to perform and it made a huge difference to the ladies I do it with. I am not a dom, but there are a few things I have learned to do because it really fires up the ladies. And they then treat me really well.

I would say learn how to be a great sub first. Then learning to be a dom will be easier. After all, the sub controls things. The sub allows things to happen. The sub can stop things at any time using the safe word. Being a great dom is not about doing what ever you want to someone. And being a great sub is not about just taking what ever is done to you. Its about servicing the needs of both.

And EW is right. A lot of want to be doms, especially guys, just get their kicks off of beating up people. That's not a dom. Originally Posted by oldbutstillgoing

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^

there's being a real dom and a real sub.
then there's being a Sears dom and a Sears sub.

if you're going to do this, be authentic and not an imitation.
like the sports saying goes "go big or go home."

Thanks all. I really want to find another provider to learn from, but associating with others in the hobby can be so....complicated. I imagine anyone that's met me would raise an eyebrow at me saying I wish to learn to be a dominatrix, as I'm totally a pleaser and probably more on the sub side than anything. So yeah, harder on me to learn to be "not nice " to someone as being sweet is what I'm best at. Again I really appreciate all the advice. Thank you.

Talk to Berkleigh as well. She showed me one little change to make in an activity I like to perform and it made a huge difference to the ladies I do it with. I am not a dom, but there are a few things I have learned to do because it really fires up the ladies. And they then treat me really well. Originally Posted by oldbutstillgoing

Okay now I'm curious to know what that one little change is that fires us up?

It's the taint. The taint gets women worked up.

contact Lindseylacey

have fun!

Talk to Berkleigh as well. She showed me one little change to make in an activity I like to perform and it made a huge difference to the ladies I do it with. I am not a dom, but there are a few things I have learned to do because it really fires up the ladies. And they then treat me really well. Originally Posted by oldbutstillgoing

Thanks so much for the mention.
I don't practice as much as I would like to due to a shoulder injury but have always considered myself to be more on the sensual side of the BDSM lifestyle. Nothing too hardcore.

I agree with BOLT about reaching out to Elizabeth Whispers for advise and joining FetLife as well.

Enjoy!

Elisabeth's advice is spot-on. Speaking as someone who falls on the other side of the D/s spectrum, a huge pet peeve for me is a sloppy dom. It's totally fine to not know everything. When one is starting out in a new realm, that is usually the case.

The problem isn't the lack of knowledge but rather lack of transparency about what one does or doesn't know. I've played with partners who dominated me and whether they've reached a level of mastery or are just beginning to explore certain types of play, a marvelous and even healing and educational experience can be had when clarity and respect is centered.

So yes, it's totally okay to be a beginner Dom. Just don't do things to your sub like trying to pass off non-consensual physical and emotional abuse as kink.