dating and age differences… I’m confused!!!

I'm looking for ladies input.

Long story short... late last year, I started to see this really pretty/cute girl. There is an age difference. I am in my early 40's and she is in her mid-20's. She is really pretty/cute and for her age, she has a really good head on her shoulders.

From late last year until about early/mid-May, we would occasionally go out. I would say, on an average, maybe we would go out around once every week and a half or so. In early/mid-May, our relationship started to fizzle out. What I mean by "fizzle out" is that our calls became less frequent and then, then they just stopped.

I just figured that she realized I was too old (and fat ) for her so I just let it go. I'll admit that I never took our relationship that seriously because I always felt that it would fall apart due to our age differences (and the fact that I am too old and fat ) so I was not necessarily surprised at the end result.

Fast forward to today... just a couple hours ago, she called me asking me how I was doing which eventually lead to her asking me "Let's go out this weekend."

Arghhhhh!!! What am I supposed to do/feel? After a few days back in college, did she realize that boys her age are extremely immature?

I guess I am asking the age old question... why are women so complicated?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

netman

PS: I am somewhat drunk so I hope the above makes sense.

I realize you're asking for the women's perspective here but I have some personal experience on this specific topic.

My ex-wife is 17 years younger than me. My ex-SO after the divorce is 20 years younger than me. I just finished graduate school so I am older than all my classmates' parents. At graduate school a few women sought me out for advice, after-class coffee or drinks, or movies, or a bite to eat or just to study at my place.

Here is what I've realized, some women are attracted to older men because we treat them with much more respect than their peers. I still open doors and pull out chairs for ladies and always include them in conversations. And the thing I noticed about women who are attracted to mature men is that they themselves are more mature, in certain ways, than their age. They have a vision for their future and are motivated to succeed.

I haven't started hobbying yet but perusing the Provider Ads I see quite a few of the ladies request "Gentlemen over 30 please" or something similar and I'll bet it is because we are in fact more respectful of them.

It also occurs to me that if we look at the men in these relationships, we all share some common personality traits. I have no clue what they are because looking that closely into my own psyche scares the s*&t out of me. That's my two cents worth, thanks for listening, we now return to the opinions of those who really matter, the ladies.

Gentle Breezes,

Just say yes and enjoy the moment. Don't over analyze it. Just have fun being with her.

Also, stop beating yourself up over your age and weight. Apparently, she's able to get past what you see as barriers. Embrace yourself for who you are, have some self-confidence, and you'll see the world looking at you differently.

If it were easy, it would not be worth the challenge

My boyfriend is 10 years younger.

He is the most difficult and complex person I've ever encountered, but this has been a rewarding experience.

There's a wonderful movie called "Elegy" with Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz that explores the issue from an older man's perspective. I'd recommend it to anyone, but even more so if you're struggling with the scenario yourself.

Just say yes and enjoy the moment. Don't over analyze it. Just have fun being with her.

Also, stop beating yourself up over your age and weight. Apparently, she's able to get past what you see as barriers. Embrace yourself for who you are, have some self-confidence, and you'll see the world looking at you differently. Originally Posted by 7th is Heaven

Great advice!

Why do we always try to make things more complicated than they are? Like 7th says, enjoy the moment and stop trying to analyze all the little innuendos. Have fun! If it develops into something more great - if not - move on and enjoy the memories.

There's a wonderful movie called "Elegy" with Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz that explores the issue from an older man's perspective. I'd recommend it to anyone, but even more so if you're struggling with the scenario yourself. Originally Posted by TheBizz

Nice reference Bizz. I watched the trailer; gonna pick it up for viewing. Thanks!

K.

You were making assumptions instead of communicating.

When the relationship fizzled, you ASSUMED that she thought you were too old. If you two would have talked you might have known the real reason...but then again, you said it wasn't that serious to you so maybe you didn't really care to give it a little life support.

When you said you were only going out every 10 days, my gut reaction was that it wasn't enough. That she backed away seeing if you'd step in to close the space. But you didn't.

I don't know her of course, but you asked for a woman's perspective and there is no way that I would have accepted one face-to-face every 10 days as good enough in a boyfriend in my 20's, (or 30's or 40's!) . Otherwise your just each other's booty calls.

Maybe she's fine with that. But she would be a very unusual woman if so. Even ShysterJohn's sugar babies expected more contact than that (he's posted that even with a straight-forward SD/SB relationship, they felt used if he didn't keep up contact.)

I would think two dates a week and daily phone calls would be the minimum. But also meeting each other's families, going out with each other's friends, you following up on how her exam went or is her battery light still on in her car, going for coffee/bookstore/errands together on Sundays. After 8 months, just opening car doors isn't going to wallpaper over the fact that you're not getting closer.

***Here's the logic: You're assuming that she distanced herself because you were old and fat. Umm...weren't you old and fat when she started flirting with you and dating you to begin with? LOL! It's more likely your personality or behavior.....two things that took while to see.****

o.k, if it were your personality, she wouldn't be giving you a second chance.

Hence, I'm thinking it was some behavior she didn't cotton to. She's giving you a second chance but you don't even know what you did wrong the first time.

I'd introduce the subject at the end of a dinner with drinks...or during pillow talk if you two go that far on your next "first date". Say "I missed you when we drifted apart. I'm not sure why we stopped dating."

Let her tell you!

This approach is better than saying something like "I felt bad when we stopped dating. I know I made mistakes..." cuz she'll respond with saying she made mistakes too and maybe elaborate on her own...whereas you want her to elaborate on YOURS

Dont worry about the age difference, dont worry about being too fat or bald. A person's spirit and heart is all that should matter. Now I know in today's world a lot of people want a certain type, or look, whatever. Yes I am guilty of that, I prefer very tall women, but I usually end up with someone short and I am a big tall man as I am 6'3" and 225. Just go with it, have fun, live and let live.

Nail her.

Speaking from a mid-20's year-olds point of view I would advise the same, just going with the flow and having a good time.
Personally, I find the 40 plus gentlemen incredibly irresistible. Chubby, pleasantly plumped, or a healthy over-weight man is what I am generally attracted to.

Nice to know, Paulina!

DUDE....you should be in your 50's and face the challange, i allways face it head on and usually.....an awsome time by both. GO FIR IT !!!!!!!

Coming from the Complicated One herself, lol......who knows? Women are crazy and sensitive and we usually can't make up our minds about anything. Just try to have fun and not over analyze, unless she is just making you feel bad or used. If that is the case, then it is probably best to move on.

Personally, I find the 40 plus gentlemen incredibly irresistible. Chubby, pleasantly plumped, or a healthy over-weight man is what I am generally attracted to. Originally Posted by Paulina_Linda

Awwwwl, and you had to go and retire?

I really don't think this has anything to do with age! If BOTH of you were really crazy about each other, age would just be a number!

Personally, I don't think this will be the last time that she fades away!

Like my youngest son tells me, "Mom, this guy really isn't the ONE, but enjoy the relationship for what it really is for now!"

After I took a hard look at it, the kid is right!

So, enjoy what is at the moment!