Review: great laugh; read on

This is technically a review, but since I have chosen not to share vital information I thought it would be most appropriately be shared here. Read on if you're curious.

Date: 6-10-16
Provider: Not on your fucking life will I tell you.
Phone: 1-800-None-ya-business
Email Address: gotohell@no.no
URL / Website: WTF.nope
City: Harker Heights
State: Texas
Address: Hotel off 190
Appointment Type: In call
Did the Appointment take place at the agreed-upon time?: Yes
Activities: Screaming, panic attacks x4, vomiting, crying, calming down, comforting, LE response, stuttering, LE laughing at me and leaving
Session Length: Never happened
Fee: None
Hair Length and Color: Not tell'n
Age: Late 20's
Smoking Status: None
Ethnic Background: Irish
Physical Description: Not Tell'n.

Keep Reading.

The Rest of the Story: There is a certain provider that I have been wanting to meet for a very long time. One of those attractions you just can't explain but just feel the need to experience. Our schedules never seemed to click in several cities she visits but it worked out last night in HH. Lots of PM's over the last 6 months; set up last night; typical two call; arrived at her hotel and then got the room number. Now keep in mind, at this point in time I still have never seen a face pic of this provider; just many, many body pics, read dozens of positive reviews, and exchanged hundreds of PM's and texts and just "knew" that we "clicked".

She opens her door and as she greats me with a beautiful smile while our eyes lock , sunshine beams out from her room, birds are singing, angels are dancing, world peace is found, but there is zero attraction between either of us. WTF!!

She invites me in and we begin small talk. Something is off. Somehow I feel a sense of calm with her mixed with something about the situation not being right. I first think LE. I ask the right questions. All good. I'm scanning the room; spot a few personal items that spark questions. She answers. She asks directed questions. I answer. I focus the detail of my questions and she does the same. We answer each other. Then it hits us:

WE ARE COUSINS!!!!!

I'm about 15 years older than her and we haven't seen each other since she was in grade school. She screams in horror, I vomit, we both have panic attacks, she starts crying, we start asking each other how did this happen, can we keep it a secret, does anyone else know? I guess someone heard her scream and called 911. LE shows up. They ask what's going on. Try to bullshit my way out of it but thanks to facebook we are able to prove that her mom is my aunt and we know each others' real names. Then they ask the the tough questions. She has another panic attack, I start stuttering, LE tries to keep from laughing and keeps prodding with the questions. He knows what's up and is loving every minute of this one.

After an eternity of something that wouldn't be believable on TV, LE is laughing so hard at me that he decides that there is nothing that has actually happened since we happened gotten to that part. He decides that we have suffered enough and leaves us be. I have a post incident panic attack.

We hang out for who knows how long until we decide that the best way to deal with this is to walk down the street to the closest bar, get stupid fucking drunk, and catch up on the last 20 years.

Recommendation: Drinking with family= yes; Everything else= hell fucking no.

Hope everyone had a great laugh.

I need a blowjob now. LOL.

I don't know if I should be horrified or amused. Probably both! You crazy fuckers. How do you come up with this kind of crazyness. Mongers I sware. SMH and ROFL!!

Thats crazy as shit, sounds like something out of a mexican soap opera lol. At least you guys enjoyed each other's company in the end and got to catch up on eachothers life!

awww come on tell us who it is. at least we will know she is legit. we can leave a review and tell you how it was....

That's fucked up Capt. Funny as shit if it happened to someone else, but fucked up. LOL

I just died reading this. OMG lmao

Don't hate a brother for creepin'.

Not hating, just wishing it happened to someone else so I could laugh AT them......

At least you didn't figure it out after you sealed the deal.

I once had a session with my brother High school friend and football buddy. He was in shocked and the session was fun.

LMAO, that was way too funny. At least from our perspective LOL.

Lol. Omgosh !

This made my day ������ LMAO.
Thanks for sharing lol

Crazy story. Thanks for sharing.

To recap:

Putative provider screams so loudly that a 911 call was warranted (or at the least, made)?

And you thought trying to "bullshit" the cops was the prudent course of action?

Which caused you to suffer (further) vomit-inducing, crippling "panic attacks"?

...and y'all gladly (!!) just cooperated with the cop beyond "everything is fine, we will keep it down"?

Brother: Running into a cousin sounds like the least worrisome part of this adventure. Might want to rethink this as a hobby.